Lost and Found

 I found my childhood diary last night. It spans a period of about 10 years. 

The entries are disjointed and often out of order. For some reason, as a child, I didn't write sequentially. Which meant as I got older and began writing entries in order, there would occasionally be an entry from 5 years prior. 

There are many blank pages. I've never been particularly good at maintaining a journaling practice. But I like the idea of it. I have other journals scattered around the house with entries separated by months and years.

None of this should really come as a surprise though. This blog is the definition of sporadic entries and poor journaling practices.

It doesn't matter.

The records are for my reminiscing. They are my insight into previous mindset, beliefs, and priorities. A reminder of past feelings doesn't need commentary. 

New Town - Nothing New

Its amazing how moving to a new place makes others think that your life must be very new and exciting. When in reality its pretty much the same as before, just new scenery.

I'm sure a move to a big city (you know, like NYC or Chicago, etc.) would yield some new and exciting stories. But my recent moves from small northern town to slightly larger northern town haven't proved much differences. Obviously the people are different and there are different restaurants and bars. But the sad fact is, I'm the new kid here and don't have anyone to make crazy stories happen with. I mean, Paul is here, but our crazy stories aren't that different from the ones we made before.

I'm not upset by this fact. Just musing. I have found it interesting how difficult it is to make friends once out of school and out of your own circle. Because friends have friends that they introduce you to that you introduce to your own friends and so forth. but when you're the new kid you don't have that ingrained circle to start the ball rolling. And without school to force you into teams and relationships it becomes very hard to meet people. Or at least, that has been my experience.

I'll take the blame for not being as pro-active in this town as I have been in past moves. But I will also lay some blame on my job. I love it, but as the manager of a store I am the "top" of my store's food chain. My co-workers are also my employees which in my mind builds a wall between us that is very hard to scale and even harder to walk along without falling. There are many managers within the company that are on the same level as me, but the closest is 5o minutes away and in a different district. Its frustrating to have people you want to be friends with be so far away. Perhaps its a flaw in the company or just a flaw because we are so spread out up here. But none-the-less I think its something that makes the constant moves difficult. I love moving for my job, but I wish the social life didn't die with each move.

This sounds like a very depressed post, but in reality I think I'm just apathetic about the whole thing. And maybe thats the really problem. I just don't care. I would like to make friends, but in the last town I started to do that and then we moved. And the relationships weren't really strong enough yet to cause long lasting friendships. And Facebook can only do so much.

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

February

'TIs February now. I love how close we are getting to spring. Don't get me wrong, I love winter but it can be dreary. Especially when it lasts for-ev-er. Luckily people know how to have fun with it and we just roll with the weather. My Dad (who lives south east of me) says 'if you don't like the weather wait five minutes and it will change'. Up here it more like 'if you don't like the weather...move'. People give you a limited amount of moan and groan time before they just start wondering why you stay. And its true. The weather up here never changes. There will always be a cold winter and it will always be long. Why stay if you can't deal with it?

One of my favorite moments over the last few weeks was going to the local Mexican restaurants for dinner with Paul. This place smells like heaven from the parking lot and walking through the door just makes it better. They keep it nice and warm inside in the winter so its like the perfect dichotomy. You see snow and frozen-ness outside but inside its like being in Mexico. Hot and sunny and spicy!

Paul got a job!! He is working at McDonalds and so far so good. I know he is feeling down about it, but I think its a great opportunity. They are such a big company that has the ability to give their workers great careers. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Paul gets that opportunity. I know he could do it and that he would enjoy it. For now though, I'm just looking forward to some free french fries :)

At my job things are going well. I've got a girl though, ooo. I tell you she is itching to go walking out our doors and not come back. All we do is customer service. Above all else it is in our mission statement twice. And she repeatedly gives crappy service. We are having a "tough discussion" this week and as much as I hate confrontation there is a part of me that is looking forward to it. I want her to recognize me as the boss. And I want her to see that I'm not backing down on stuff. I need her to see that and get it. Or else I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my staff and if that happens I'm in hot water. Being a good buddy is great, but when the chips are down you need a manager that is going to stand up with a spine, and I don't think I've had to prove that part yet. THE TIME IS NOW!!! :)

THe wedding plans...not so hot right now. We've had to postpone for a while. Its sad but then at the same time I feel better about it. I just wasn't ready to plan a wedding yet. There is so much to do and I just wasn't ready. Not to mention the big reason we postponed-money. Its frickin' expensive to get married and throw a party. Not to mention that since our friends and family are so spread out that we decided to have to parties. Ick. I mean, I like a good party but tht is a food and decorations and music doubled. AHHH! Lots of stress. Now I have two years to plan. Lots and lots of time.

Well thats the update. I'm trying to get better. We'll see.

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Life Goes On

Ahh, I have a computer again... and internet...yay! I love having a computer! I feel so much more connected. Especially now that I've moved. Again. I just moved about 4 hours further away from my family than I was before. It's crazy!

Well, ok I moved about 4 months ago...but that is besides the point. For the first few months I was here alone, but now Paul moved in and things are going so well. We joined a group for young professionals in our area. It is like my favorite thing ever. I was meeting so many older people on my own. I joined two choirs and the average age was like 60. And Iwas a good 20 years younger than the youngest person in the group. It was fun to sing, but not the most entertaining thing to attend. I mean I'm young, I'm hip (sort of) I need young sort of hip people to chill with. Yeah...I'm not hip because I say chill.

I love my job. I get to see people all the time and people are starting to get to know me and my life. IT was so weird, yesterday someone asked me if I was married yet. THat doesn't soun weird except that it was the guy from the pizza delivery place and I didn't know he knew I was engaged. It was bizarre. On that note, Paul and I picked a date: Oct 16th, 2010. I'm going to go crazy. I have no money and no plans yet. I don' tknow what I'm going to do! There is so much that goes into planning a wedding. I want to pull my hair out just thinking about it. SO I keep pulling a Scarlett O'Hara and saying I'll think about it tomorrow. WHich was fine 3 months ago when I had a year, but now I've "tomorrowed" myself into 9 months away and I've realized nothing is done...AH!

Paul and I are starting to get ready for the church prep part of the wedding though. WHich is exciting. I pray all the time that he'll become more interested in the religious part of my life. I mean, I know that he believes in GOd and Jesus, but its hard to talk to him about it and its weird not to have him at church with me. LIke, I sit there alone. I just want him to be there with me. Not to mention that I think he would get a lot out of it too. I love going to church. It's so calming and centering. I'm thinking about getting him one of those children's guide to mass things so he can learn what the heck we're doing with all the standing sitting talking stuff. But I'm not sure if that would help him or hurt his feelings. I shoudl just ask.

WEll that's me for now. I want to start writing more now that I have a computer again, but I know how that goes. Best intentions and all that.

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Ah! So Excited!

So much going on! I'm 22! It was my birthday a little bit ago. I watched cartoons and got too drunk with a friend. What a better way to celebrate a new year?

Right now I'm in Chicago. I had to take a car, bus, and a train to get here but I did it! The guy on the Amtrak who sold food was hilarious. I was trying to sell: "Lobster, prime rib, cold white dry turkey breast from my mother in-law's kitchen!" It was a hoot.

I stayed in Wrigleyville for a night which was neat since I'm like a fake Cubs. See, I like the Cubs because my Aunt likes the Cubs. Which is a silly reason to like a team. But its no better than my reason for liking the Tigers either. I just do. but I don't follow either team enough to tell you if they are doing well or how their last game went. I just like them so when playoffs and stuff happens I have a team to defend. It's silly.

Then I stayed with my cousin out in the suburbs for a night. I love my cousin Heidi. She is a lot older than me though so its a little wierd (15 yrs). Like she has two kids, and is pregnant with twins (girls! awwww). I just don't fit with her or her family. Plus she's from my mom's side of the family and we just don't know them very well, so its hard to really get in talking with her and stuff. But it was nice to see family. It was so funny, I climbed into bed and the sheets and stuff had the faintest scent of "Grandma W." It was like that smallest hint of smell that I associate with the W. family and it was there, in her house and sheets. I love smells. I think they are so neat. And we got Dairy Queen, which we ALWAYS do when we go to visit my mom's family. They love them some Dairy Queen. I mena, we have one near my parent's house, but it isn't the same, we don't go that often. No idea why not. I love Dairy QUeen though, and it always reminds me of happy times. Despite having a nice calm morning though, I still managed to forget my coat at her house. I don't know how the heck I'm gonna get it back. She's like an hour to 90 minutes out of town. Blah.

Right now I'm sitting at a friend's apartment waiting to go to dinner. I'm with Jackie, from high school, and we're gonna get some BBQ. I have been alone the last few days and I kind of liked that. Like, I love having friends with me and not being alone, but I really really liked being the creator of my day. Not having to check with another person, or just wander around till I figured out where the heck I was. I liked that freedom.

I can't wait for Paul to see Chicago though. He's never visited and I think it is just a cool city. I don't know if he'll like it though. Its so BIG. He's from such a small town, I don't know if he'd like a big town like this. I think the people are neat, the restaurants are amazing, and I just love public transportation!!! It's my favorite thing about industrialized countries I think. Yup, that and indoor plumbing.

Ok, well Jackie was taking a nap, so I think I'm going to go wake her up so we can get some food! Yea! I love food, and eating and exploring! There is just so much to see :)