Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiillll!

I'm wailing inside. But I can't let it show. I hate that. This false face I have to put forward. So that I'm not too exposed. BUt here I can let it all out. Even though its hard to do that here still. Because I feel like this is just some depository for bad feelings. Even though its not. And even though thats the whole reason I started this thing anyway. Ok so I'm wailing because I now know that Pat doesn't like me. He likes someone else. I don't know who but that is not the point. The point is that its not me. And I'm sad.

We went dancing yesterday (not we as in me and him he just happened to be there andI came with some differnt people). And I can't lie. I was dancing with this guy totally to make him wish he had me. Which is awful. And petty. And I don't even like admitting it to myself but I looke dlutty and whorish for nothing becasue I find out today that he doesn't like me like that. And I could have kissed the guy I dancded with but I didn't want Pat to think I really liked that guy incase there was some small chance that he liked me. Because to come that close and then mess everything up by letting my hormones get in the way would make me really mad. But now I wish I had let the hormones get their way. Becasue nowI'm not only sad but unsatsified too.
Not to say that we would have done anything more than make out but thats all I want. I'm looking for love in the wrong places. I know that. I keep trying to tell myself that but I don't seem to want to listen. It sucks. I guess I'll just have to deal with what happens. I just go withthe damn flow. I'm back to flowing.

I'm gonna go put on my whore's make-up. Not that its really whore make-up...I just feel like I'm always trying to "catch" a guy, and do I really want that guy who only thinks I'm pretty if I'm made-up. I don't know. Good bye for now

~*Ery*~