Halloween

Weeeee!! Its me and Paul! For the record, he did not enjoy wearing my skirt or makeup and grumbled the entire half hour that he wore it and was not in public (while in public he had a fun time frolicing...I love him so, and for so many of these little things). I'm not usually this tall to him but I had boots on so I actually was within a comfortable kissing range, usually I have to get up on my tip toes and kiss him quick. But yeah this is Halloween in the dorms. We "celebrated" a couple days early so we could actually celebrate rather than just wish each other a happy halloween and then go to bed. Anyway we all dressed up and went out...to the video store to rent movies after which we all came home and changed. But yeah so if you couldn't tell Paul was a girl (as was Marc) they hated it but let Timnah, Cortney and I have our fun anyway. Timnah was a lounge singer, Cortney was a slutty pirate gypsy...yeah...and I was a french whore...I don't think I would have made very much though becasue I kept giving free kisses away to Paul heehee. So yeah it was fun.

I found that watching someone walk away from you is so much worse than just knowing that they are going. I watched Paul as he walked down my hall after saying goodbye and I wanted to just run up behind him and tell him he couldn't go, but I know that it is so hard for him to go and I wouldn't want him to so I just watched. And it hurt. Because I don't ever want to have to see him turn away from me. So from now on there will be no watching as he walks away, because it hurts too much. I miss him already and he's only been gone for 14 hours. Oy I'm in love deep.

I'm going to sleep I'm tired goodnight now.

~*Ery*~

He said,

"You want to know a secret?" I nodded.
"I love you." I smiled, and kissed him, then said,
"You want to know another secret?" He nodded.
" I love you too." He smiled and hugged and kissed me. And we lay there, on my bed, and hugged and gave each other quick peck-like kisses. Nothing more. A gentleness and warmth surrounded us that called for no more. We were together and in love and didn't need to do anything more to show it.

I love Paul!! And yes I can say it now without fear of rejection or differences in where our feelings stand. I'm in love, and I love love love love love love it! He is my lover. My boyfriend, Paul, who I love. I didn't expect it, he completely suprised me. I can't say it enough. I love him. I want to shout it to the world and hold it secret to my chest so the warmth hits my heart directly. I'm going to go glow!

~*Ery*~

P.S. When he said those three little words, it was like a storybook. My heart danced and leaped and I felt like I could fly.

Just another Manic Monday

Monday's are...interesting days. I hate Moday mornings, I mean I ddespise them with such loathing, that tehre are days when I feel like screaming obscenities until noon, simply because they never seem to go well. I believe most of this problem stems from a lack of sleep. Because I have this tendency to not sleep very much during the weekend. I go to bed at 5 or 6 in the morning and get up at 2...and granted its 8 hours of sleep, but htat is not the correct time to go to bed, I should also mention that these are approximates based on when I get into bed. Because, I have to be honest here, if Paul and I are sleeping to gether there are periods during the night that, while we are on a bed, we are not necessarily sleeping yet/still. So then Sunday night comes around, and my body has finally adjusted to my wacked out sleep schedule and then I go and change it again. Except its hard to change, so I go to bed around 2:30 and get up at 7:20 and I'm exhausted from not getting enough sleep. SO that is not a good start to a day. There is no hot food served on Mondays so I am forced to get cereal (I actually like cereal...but gosh darnit I want the to choose the cereal not be forced it). Anyway, then I'm all tired an ticked about my breakfast an dI must go to the most boring and pointless class on my schedule and listen to my professor ramble for an hour. Off to work for two and 3/4 hours then to a two hour class, and then lunch. Lunch is usually around 3pm. That is the end of my morning in my mind.

ANd then I like Mondays. For some reason they get better around lunch time. I don't know why, it just does. Actually I don't usually mind working or that last class but they are so packed in that it makes me crazy. Then I have an hour to kill before biology and then the rest of the day to myself. I guess I kinda like Mondays way back there in the back of my mind, it keeps me on my toes.

I have a confession. I keep all of the sweet little things that Paul puts in his info and away messages on AIM. I file them away in a folder. I like them a lot. And thats that. These are a couple lines from a Sarah McLachlan song that made think of what was in my last blog.


Peace in the struggle to find peace.
Comfort on the way to comfortand

If I shed a tear I won't cage it.
I won't fear love
and if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love.
I won't fear love.
I won't fear love...

Yeah, no love fearing. I like it. I also like Paul, a lot. Hmmmm. It was such a lovely weekend. I love being with him. I don't feel like putting it down right now because I feel repetitive.

~*Ery*~

I could love you

I wrote this during my Sociology while I was busy not paying attention. I was just going to throw it away, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to put it on here.

I could love you. But I can't let myself use that word. I don't want to get hurt. I'm afraid of how you make me feel. You make me forget everything. My world become you, and you are my everything. I could get lost in your arms; wrapped around me, they hold me so close, I can feel your heartbeat. When we sleep I feel your strength and breath, I know I am safe. While you are near I can be free of fear. You make me want what I can't have. I want to touch you all over, to cover every inch of you with kisses, and keep you next to me forever. I can't get my fill of you, of your body, your mind, of you. You let me be me, and I could love you for that.

I wrote that as a letter to Paul. I just sort of let my emotions all come out on the paper. I have to admit, I was suprised at how easily it flowed out of me. I didn't have to think very hard about it, and it was easy to write. I suppose thats how love letters go. I don't kow if I'll ever give it to him, but at least I have it written down now in case I ever decide that I need to show him how I feel. I don't know. This is just such a new feeling. I don't know what to do with it, I guess the easy answer would be to tell him, but I don't think I can. I'm too afraid of it myself. Yes, I know that without the leap you'll never know what is at the bottom, but it still frightens me. This feeling that if he left, I might die. No, thats wrong. Its not that strong, but the hurt would be so deep. And this scares me, I can think about an end, not because I want to, but because I won't let myself think to far ahead. I can't just let myself go, I can't let go. I'm holding up a wall around my heart and I can't just open the gates and let it out. I'm disgusted by my world weariness, this jaded, blase feeling of: oh I know how these things go. I hate this hesitation in everything I do. I just want to let go of my restraint and fear and just let myself be. Ok. I'm back to this old mantra again. Go with the flow. I'm going with the flow, but I'm doing it with a look forward to the fork in the river that I like more. The one where we are together. Paul and Ery. Ery and Paul. Go with the flow, but I'm not leaving my paddle on shore.

~*Ery*~

Loooong Survey

1. If you won the lottery, would you consider donating a percentage of the money?:Yes...not sure what that percentage would be, but there would be some donating involved.
2. Would you consider getting Botox injections to your armpits to decrease sweating?: Botox does that? SUre why not sweating is icky.
3. Do you wear a lot of corduroy?: No. Random.
4. Does the weather have a very large impact on your moods?: Maybe...don't really know.
5. If you had a child, do you think your child would have any reason to be ashamed of you?: who says yes, my child would be a ashamed of me, I mean really who says yes?
6. Do you buy eggnog around the holidays?: EEEEEEEEWWWWW!
7. Did you play cowboys and Indians when you were a small child?: nope we played cops and car thief.
8. Do you watch your neighbors from your windows?: Sometimes...when they are outside
9. Do you live within 5 miles of a lake?: Oh yes I do...within 5 minutes of a lake.
10. Do you believe that personality is everything?: No, there is something to be said about looks. I know that sounds shallow but its the truth.

11. When someone says they love you, do you natrually want to say it back, even if you don't mean it?: Yes, but no one has ever said "I love you" to be and it was false for me to say it back.
12. Do you have any real reason to be depressed?: No...I have a good life
13. Do you have more respect for the United Nations or the United States? Erm, UN...no none they don't do anything as far as I'm concerned. US...yes I do, but I'm biased.
14. Is it concieted to consider oneself unique?: No its natural
15. Would it fill your heart with joy to see other people crying for you?: Not if I was dying or something, but I guess I could be filled with joy if they were crying at my wedding or something.
16. Do you think the war in Iraq will end in 2005?: No this is gonna take a while.
17. Do you know anyone who has ever been held hostage?: No...But Paul said he's gonna kidnap me sometime.
18. If your teenage son impregnated a girl, would you force him to do whatever it took to support her?: Hell yes, you take care of what you made. He doesn't have to marry her, but he will be in that child's life as much as I caould force him to be.
19. Are angels creepy?: No, their beautiful.
20. Do you think the New England accent is annoying?: No, but its hard to understand sometimes.

21. Which print do you prefer: leopard or zebra?: Leopard.
22. Would you break up with someone if you thought they were too pompous and arrogant?: Yeah... that's so annoying.
23. If you saw a hurt animal, would you try and help it?: Yeah, I'd at least call a vet or somethingif I couldn't
24. Do you think there will be another terrorist attack now that Bush is re-elected?: How should I know
25. Should a license be required to have children?: No, that is a God-given right, not man-given
26. When on an airplane, do you hope to meet someone interesting sitting near you?: Yeah, but its so hard nowadays to meet strangers.
27. Do you come from a large family?: Nope
28. Would you ever purposely let your country's flag touch the ground?: I do what I can to avoid it.
29. Is it difficult for you to decline a date from someone you are not interested in?: A bit
30. Are people in online relationships just fooling themselves?: Yeah

31. Does it bother you that Rhode Island isn't really an island?: Yeah a bit
32. If Hillary Clinton were to leave her husband, would your opinion on her go up or down?: Not my place to judge.
33. Do you ever run with scissors?: Not unless I forget that I have scissors.
34. Have you done something illegal today?: Ummmm nope, I've been good so far. :)
35. Which is worse: Being labeled, or being a nobody?: Being labeled
36. Do you think someone will ever try to assasinate Michael Moore?: Yeah
37. What song are you listening to at this very second? A song on TV, about the moon.
38. Would you rather have a square or a round pizza?: Round.
39. Are you afraid of being famous for doing something stupid?: Yeah but its not that bad I swear.
40. If the Pope has a liver transplant, is he still infalliable?: Yes...in case it was unclear, the Pope is only infallible in matters of faith, not health.

41. Has the world really changed that much since 9/11?: Its more scared
42. Do you think the diary of Anne Frank is genuine?: Yup
43. If your best friend's partner was bisexual, would you approve?: Her choice not mine.
44. If Satan walked up to you on the street and offered you BBQ Chicken, would you accept his gift?: Erm, do I know he is Satan?
45. Would you say that your country is liked by the rest of the world?: No.
46. Do you feel like the majority of the world is ignorant?: No we all have something to offer.
47. Do you help control anger by writing songs, poems, etc?: No I'm not creative like that.
48. Do you view bandanas as gang symbols?: If they are being worn for that prupose then yes, if I put on a bandana, though, I don't mean it to be a gang symbol.
49. Do you need to "clean up your act"?: Nope.
50. Do you have a celebrity crush?: No not really.

51. Are you a good storyteller?: Yeah, bu tonly if its really a good story.
52. Are your computer speakers usually turned on?: No, because if I don't have music on the computer tends to make a bunch of noise.
53. Do you have a life dream that no one else knows about?: No.
54. Do puppies melt your heart?: Yeah.
55. Do you think that someone who doesn't drink alcohol AT ALL is weird?:No I have quite a few friends who don't drink AT ALL.
56. Are you a racist scumbag?: No
57. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?: nothing
58. Do you think Americans are scared of change?: A bit.
59. Are Vegan diets healthy?: If the person doing the diet is smart about it, then yes.
60. Do you enjoy watching shows that deal with forensics?: Not really, bu thten I don't watch a whole lot of TV.

61. At this rate, are you going to Heaven or Hell?: Heaven... I would hope.
62. Could there be a terrorist attack in your area?: No...I think the campus is pretty safe.
63. Do you worry about food safety?: No.
64. Can bitchy behavior be self-justified?: Yes, I mean there are limits to that though too.
65. Do you have over 100 people on your buddy list?: Yup, 111.
66. Do you relax when you are around animals?: Depends on the animals.
67. Would you like to be able to read thoughts?: No
68. In your opinion, is it wrong to say "Oh my God!"?: Yeah, but it has seeped into my vocab.
69. Do you like your strawberries dipped in chocolate or covered in sugar?: Heehee, both
70. Do you think any hip hop songs have good messages in them?: Yes, we all have adifferent view on life and how it works, that is just one other sperson's view.

71. Do you feel sorry for Martha Stewart?: No.
72. Do certain swear words just roll of your tongue?: Haha hell yeah
73. What hurts more, knife cuts or paper cuts?: Never had a knife cuts so I must say paper
74. When you hug someone, do you wrap your arms around their neck or their waist?: Both, one arm up one down...although, I always hug Paul around the waist because thats easier to reach.
75. Do you use your mind enough?: Gosh no.
76. Would you rather own a parrot or a hen?: A hen!!
77. Do you know anyone who has been diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?: No.
78. Do you have any idea what you will be doing 10 years from now?: Nope and that scares me.
79. Do you pre-plan your meals?: Well considering that I can't choose what he cafeteria serves...
80. Pet owners: If your pet was a human, would it be gay or straight?: Straight

81. Would you like to be cloned?: No.
82. Do you believe that your name fits your personality?: Yeah
83. Were your parents born in the same decade?: Nope.
84. Do you exercise before you eat in the morning?: No, I tried that and I was HUNGRY!!
85. Were you a pround owner of a snap bracelet?: Nope, don't own oen, therefore not proud.
86. Is it better to be single or in a relationship?: I'm liking the relationship right now.
87. Do you think police officers have the right to use a stun gun on a 13-year old?: Depends.
88. Which is the better way to discipline a child: Depends, each child and situation is different.
89. Would you let your child spend the night at Michael Jackson's house?: No you don't tempt fate, even if he isn't a convicted child molestor you don't set yourself up.
90. Do you often forget what day it is?: Yes.

91. Do your grandparents play bingo a lot?: My grandma used to
92. Do you own a copy of Thriller by Michael Jackson?: I wish.
93. Do you prefer reading or writing?: Reading.
94. Do you prefer hamsters or gerbils?: Gerbils.
95. Do you think animals have a religion?: No.
96. Are you a powerful person?: What does that mean?
97. Do you think marriage would change who you are?: Yes, you have to take some of the other person into yourself, and give them some of you
98. Do you meddle in other peoples’ business?: Yes, and that is not a good thing
99. Do you think the teenagers who take abstinence vows are probably the ones that weren’t going to have sex in the first place?: ? SO if you tak ethe vow then you were never planning on having sex? Isn't that the point of the vow...the vow is just something on paper.
100. Are you ever attracted to your teachers?: No.

101. Do you think your parents have always been faithful to each other?: Yes.
102. Does the word "hello" seem formal to you?: No.
103. Do you think that schools should be allowed to ban un-natural colored hair?: Yes.
104. Is it possible to love someone and hate them at the same time?: Yes.
105. Do your eyes change colors from time to time?: They get lighter and darker.
106. When you sit really still, can you feel your pulse?: Sometimes yes.
107. Does cursive handwriting serve any real purpose nowadays?: Yes, I use it all the time.
108. Have you ever had melted cheese on your fries?: Yes.
109. Have you ever encountered a rude person in a wheelchair?: Ummm I guess at sometimes I may have, there are rude people all over
110. Are you often the last one to understand a joke?: no but it does happen.

111. Has your home been decorated by an interior designer?: No.
112. Do you believe in reincarnation?: SOmetimes, sort of, I don't know.
113. Do you think the government was involved in 9/11?: No.
114. Would you ever kiss someone with no teeth?: EW NO give me teeth!
115. Do you wash your hair every day?: No, it dries it out.
116. If we keep making exceptions for homosexuals, do you think the next generation of homosexuals will be spoiled brats?: No they are n't gettin gthat many exceptions.
117. Can experience be gained just by reading?: No,that why its called experience.
118. Do you have any gay friends?: Yes.
119. Have you ever been to Stonehenge?: No.
120. Do you consider darts to be a sport?: Yeah them things are hard.

121. Your first black eye: Did you give it or get it?: Never had or given.
122. Is it always better to be safe than sorry?: No, sometimes you just gotta do it.
123. Do you look more at someone’s mouth or eyes when they are talking to you?: I look right between their eyes.
124. If you were around second-hand-smoke enough, would you be swayed to smoke yourself?: No
125. Do you think anyone can be an actor?: no.
126. Okay, what song are you listening to now?: Jeff Corwin!!
127. Do you talk just to hear yourself, even when you’re alone?: Yeah, I'll admit it I talk to myself.
128. Do you think you’ll ever visit the Clinton Library?: Well I don't know what that is soooo no
129. Do you emotionally hurt people on purpose?: No, thats mean.
130. Would you date a minister?: Yeah, he's a person too

131. On vacation, do you usually take more pictures of landscapes or buildings?: People.
132. Do you think pit bulls should be illegal to own?: No.
133. Are your parents willing to help you through college?: Yeah, but I 'm paying for everything unless I get too deep in debt.
134. Is it obvious that one of your family members did drugs in the sixties?: OH yeeeah
135. Do you think people worry to much about being open-minded?: A bit, just do it, stop thinking about it.
136. Are you offended when you see a visitor in your country wearing a crest of their flag?: No.
137. Would you rather master one language, or learn two languages and be average in them both?: Two-- average.
138. Do you think that Jesus was just a magician?: No...
139. Should ‘freak dancing’ be banned from school dances?: No but I mean, there is no need to be making babies on the dance floor of your middle school
140. If Fox created a sitcom starring Jennifer Lopez, would you watch it?: If it was good, maybe.

141. Is your monthly cycle so regular that you always know which day you’re going to start?: No, but thats because I've never bothered to keep that much track
142. Girls: Do you care that when you cry, your mascara runs?: Yeah I feel stupid and feminine and messy.
143. Guys: Do you get all soft when you see a girl crying?:
144. Do you think baseball is a dying professional sport in America?: Yes.
145. Should America get rid of the electoral college?: Yeah, it should be popular vote, there are enough opportunities now for politicials to get their message out there.
146. Can Lindsay Lohan really sing?: Yes I think she can.
147. Are you more creative alone, or with others?: With others.
148. Does every family have a crazy uncle, or is it just mine?: Oh everybody has a crazy uncle
149. Do you like green bean casserole?: Yummm yummm yummmm.
150. Have you ever smuggled anything in to America?: Anything illegal? Yes I thin my family snuck in some fruit or Cuban cigars in once

151. Do you like to play dominos?: Not really.
152. Do you end up making a fool of yourself when you try flirting with someone you really like?: Yeah, its sucks.
153. Does playing the guitar make a guy more attractive?: A bit but not enough for that to be the only reaon I'd date him
154. Do brain teasers make you feel dumb?: No .
155. Did you ever have an Easy Bake Oven?: No but I wanted one.
156. Do you enjoy fishing?: No, its boring
157. Do you think the Egyptians could have used wind to build the Pyramids?: No...they did not blow until the sand stacked up.
158. Beef or pork?: Beef I guess.
159. Was this survey random enough for you?: Yeah it was pretty random, but in that "I'm trying too hard" way
160. Is this the longest random survey you’ve ever taken?: I don't know I've taken some long ones

SHITake mushrooms that was ridiculous
~*Ery*`

23rd + 5th = Problem solved

The Rules
1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

"[x] relationship status: single (and not loving it)"

I was doing a survey from my friend Rachel's LJ. I guess I wan't enjoying the singel life so much, huh. Well I've taken care of that little bit of grumpy-ness

~*Ery*~


P.S. I didn't like that one much so I went back from this past one and got this one:

"I wish I could remember it the next time it fits into normal conversation."

I was talking about the word pari passu...I've yet to actually be able to use it.

A Wedding and Longings

Yea! I went home this weekend. Actually it wasn't as eventful as I thought. I mean I got home and went right over to Mark's appartment with Jen and Meghan. Which was good, but we are definitly on different pages of our lives and in different places. I mean they were doing the whole secret drink thing and my parents have heard about what I've done and they know that I'm careful. They are still trying to break free of their parents hold on their lives while my parents are like, you're incollege, do your thing. And I'm so happy thats how its happened. I am so happy with how my life is going right now. I feel as if I am trully on my way to finding my true self. Despite there always being little bumps in the road I'm traveling just fine right now...Alright now that I've jinxed myself.

On Saturday morning Nancy, Mrs. Jackie's Mom, and I went to see Jay's lacrosse game. Alright so we didn't really go to see him. It was more that we wanted to see Mrs. Jackie's Mom and Jay's parents...he just happened to be the reason we got together. Well after the game his parents invited us to lunch (like normal, they clearly don't know anything about what happened). It wasn't until we go tthrough with lunch and were back in the car that I realized that Jay never once asked how Nancy and I were, or haow my drive was, or even said that it was good to see us. Sure we all hugged when we left, must keep up appearances you know, but he never once offered up anyconversation towards us. Even afte I specifically asked him how he was doing, he didn't follow with the traditional response of: and yourself? and that bothered me, a lot. Not becasue its not lik eit used to be, but because those are common courtesies that you extend to someone you have just met, not even necesarrily someone youare great friends with. I just wish that at least him and myself could have ahad a bit of a conversation, especially sinc EI told him I was willing to start over. But I guess he really doesn't care. He's come to believe that he's lost us, or wanted to lose us or something, and so I'm done thinking about it. He can pick up pieces, I'm done trying.

Saturday night I went to my cousin Kathy's wedding. It was beautiful. She looked so happy and pretty and perfect. Her new husband is such a great guy too. He had been a part of our family for almost as long as they've been dating and we all love him to death. The wedding itself was rather short and I didn't like it much. It was a Baptist ceremony which basically does all the stuff you need to do and then thats it. Very short, brief, and to the point. Which is nice I guess, but something was lost for me in the directness. After the ceremony we went back home and then to my grandparents' house. At my their house we said hello to my grandma, an dit was so sad. She has Alzheimer's and its really starting to get bad. She basically has the mind of a small child, for example, she was so amazed and made happy my and umbrella opening, she thought it was the most amazing thing she had ever seen. It was funny and pathetic at the same time. Back to a happier thing though, we went to the reception and had dinner. Oh man I love my family so much. They have such a unique sense of humor. Dancing was fun. I danced with my dad and my uncle Pete and my cousin Claire and I waltzed. It was quite amusing.

Afterwards I went home and called Paul. I needed to hear his voice so much. It was so hard sitting out all those slow love songs and seeing all the people so in love and knowing that the one person I'd love to spend that evening with was ten hours away. Just hearing his voice made it better and worse all at the same time. He said that his roommate was gone, and I was practically kicking myself, because I could have gone up there this weekend and been with him. But the distance is good for us. It allows us to have more than a physical relationship. Because once he gets here all I can do is touch him, all the time that I can, and he's the same way. I miss him so so so so so much though. Its hard being so far away right now. I felt he distance so much when I was home. I just wanted to get back to school where I was closer to him. I was so happy when we rounded the coner that allows you to see the city from the road, it was ll lit up and gorgeous, and my first thought, was ahhhh I'm back, I can see him. I don't even know what it is specifically that gets me about him...I shall list and see if that helps. He's funny, smart, happy, attentive, caring, not whiny, loving, kind, tall, handsome...blah I feel lik eI'm describing a saint. He has low points I guess too, he ummm ummm ok i'm thinking really hard and I've got nothing right now. Maybe thats jus thow its supposed to be, I'll stop looking for faults and enjoy the good.

Well Sunday wasn't that fun so I won't bother telling that story. I got home. And now I'm happy and enjoying being back in "kidnapping range"

~*Ery*~

P.S. I'm dating a lumberjack named Paul Bunyan and he carts me aroundon his big blue ox named Babe. Heehee A joke created by my mother and cousin Jay (I know, confusing) How it all went down was that I told my mother as we walked into the wedding reception that Paul's father owned a sawmill.
Mom: Oh he's a lumberjack?
Jay: Who's a lumber jack?
Mom: Ery's boyfriend...oooo and guess what his name is.
Jay: What's his name...It'd be great if it was
Mom and Jay (simoltaneously): Paul
Jay: Like Paul Bunyan?!
Me: Yes, like Paul Bunyan.

And so it went throughout the night. I would go up to see someone and my mom would tell them to ask what my boyfriend did and what his name was. Eveyone of my aunts and uncles immediately said "Like Paul Bunyan!?" I was amused and resigned all at the same time. So I got home and I said to Paul: " My whole family thinks you are a lumberjack." ANd he said...and I qoute directly here: "Well I am, honey." At about that point I started to laugh and gave up the resistance altogether. He found the rest of the story quite amusing I must say. I am dating Paul Bunyan and thats all there is.

Mending Fences and Enjoying Life

Ok so I realized that deep deep down I can't hate Jay. I don't know that it is possible for me to trully hate anyone. I have too much love. So I'm using the "Forgive and Remember" Method to get through this one. Yes, I actually picked up something useful after all those religion classes. So I forgave Jay...but its going to be hard. Because I know that we will never have the same relationship as before, and I want that, but that time is past. I can't trust him like I did before, and thats the saddest thing ever. So I'm starting to mend that fence, try to just get to a friendly level again.

On the note about enjoying life...I love college! Dspite having the most shit filled week ever, there was a marvelous weekend at the end of it. Paul came down and I'm happy as a clam. Heehee. I have "name face" as my friends call it...I light up when I hear his name. :D And I was so so so so so so so happy to see him Friday night. I jumped off the radiator and into his arms...and he literally picked me up and swung me around. I ended up with my legs around his waist and kissing his cheek and lips.
Paul: Did you miss me? Me: Yes I did.
There was much hugging and such that progressed...Cortney told us to get a room so I dragged him into my entryway when Timnah walked out of our room...much amusement over the fact that I couldn't wait long enough to get further into the room before attacking him...I'll not apologize...I miss the man when its a week between sightings (and he didn't mind, so there). So after that he stayed for a half hour during which we were with other people so we had to restrict oursleves to hand holding and quick pecks.. (mmm I like quick pecks). So he left because he had plans with his friend Brandon...reminder to comment on their own unique humor with each other...and I stayed here at the dorm.

Well after that I went to "wreak havoc before quiet hours start" and ended up in the lobby with Cortney and Emily and playing euchre with in the lobby. Euchre turned into a loud game of Pencil Pig (which is just Spoons played with unsharpened pencils and spelling pig till you get out). I got out of Pencil Pig within three rounds after stating proudly that I had no letters...oh how the proud fall (heehee). So I went back upstairs to get some juice with full intentions of coming back to continue watching the game...but I go tdistracted and talked to Marc and his suitemate for a couple hours. Then Cortney and Emily and Pat came up. Pat had a sip of Captain Morgan's left in a cup he had and he gave it to me. After which I remeinded him that he owed me a stiff drink (he told me this on Tues when I was up till 3:30 helping him with his english paper which caused me to miss my 9:00am class the next day...also becaus emy week as previously mentioned was being shitty) so anyway. He went back downstairs and brought me and Cortney and himslef each a shot of Capttains and Coke. So drank mine (muchos better than beer) and then Cortney's because she didn't want it and then the last half of Pat's...the total equivilant of 3 shots...I was getting loopy. THe concentration was shot an dI was starting to really really enjoy swaying. So I decided tha tI might as well go to bed. So I did. Not without first swining on my loft from the bed frame and first ladder rung ( oy it was fun...and probably funny as ...well I can imagine it was funny).

Saturday was spent in attempt to do homework. I actually read most of what I wanted to read for The Iliad. Then I went to this stupid FYE dance thing...well ok, it would probably have beenok except that it was mandatory and I had to be there till 10:30 to get credit and I wanted to hang out with Paul so. So Paul picked me up at 10:30 and we went to go to this party. Oh boy. I saw sooooo much of the landscape that night. The place we were going to should have taken us about 45 minutes to find...we drove for 3 1/2 and never found it. We found many back roads that led to nowhere, but thats it. Finally, we just pulled over to wait for Brandon to come find us...I like pulling off to the side of the road...it inspires rather ardous feelings in folks...heehee. But outside of that I would like to say that the stars were absolutely amazing. I could actually see that dusty milky way line that you see in the planetariums...I was so excited. Paul was amused because I when he turned off the car and its lights I said, Its dark. He responded with, Thats what happens when you turn off the lights. Oy. It was really really dark, like, can't see your hand in front of your face dark. It doesn't get that dark where I'm from. Well at about 3:00am we're both like ok we're tired screw this lets just go home and go to bed (did I forget to mention that I was staying at his house, where he grew up, for the night?). No lie, as soon as we start up the car Brandon calls to say that everyone was at the highschool and hte party was over, Paul's like sorry we're going home to bed g'night. I have to say I was glad, I really was tired, plus I like having him all to myself ;).

So we went back to his house where I met his fraternal twin brother...who looks nothing like Paul but their personalities are almost identical...you can so tell they are twins and grew up together. We stayed up with him (his name is Todd for the record) for a while and then finally went to bed...twin beds are so cozy. I love lseeping with him...ok I won't lie we did a bit more than sleep...but I was good I swear, Paul is a gentleman, at all times. It makes me so happy, he doesn't try anythig until I'm ready...and somehow he's known when I'm ready...its nice. SO we then went to sleep. Woke up (he said he wished he could wake up next to me everyday...that makes me so happy, I feel the same way). Got out of bed. Met Paul's mom...oh God its awkward to meet someone's mother after staying the night in her son's bed without her knowledge that either of you are there. She's really nice though. I liked her a lot. Ummm the rest of the day was just idyllic. We watched football on the couch with Todd and his girlfriend Jamie and then played foot/basket ball outside. It was fun and simple and I loved it. After dinner Paul drove me back to my dorms. He stayed here for about an hour and a half...heehee we are very easily distracted by empty rooms that happen to be mine. Anywho, he finally did have to go back to Tech after much pushing and kissing and goodbye-ing...Cortney and Pat were laughing at us. I was laughing at us, it was silly and sweet.

So yeah, I had a good weekend, this is a long post and Paul is online... :)

~*Ery*~