Winter

Snow is finally falling! Well we had snow before Christmas but not its falling again after a long month of zero snow.

I'm at Paul's Apt. right now waiting for him to get back from the PEIF (Physical Education Instructional Facility). His brother Todd and his girlfriend Jaimi are coming over soon and we're going to eat pizza! Yea pizza. Its interesting being here by myself. I mean, I don't live here, yet (come May and I move in too!) so its strange. Plus its al empty and un lived in because they haven't completely moved in yet. Like there is now dining room table or cable anywhere so its a lot of just sitting around upstairs because downstairs in teh dining/lioving area there isn't really much to do. At least up here there are computers and movies and video games. And sleeping. You can sleep in bedrooms. Yeah I'm a little bored. I felt the urge to write last night but I'm glad I didn't because I was trully just feeling rather PMS-y and was oddly depressed about my relationship. Which really isn't the case. I'm really happy with Paul and all his best parts and worst parts. I love all of him I just had a serious mistrust in myself last night. Like I was going over and over in my head why I should just not be thereat the moment and how my life was going somewhere I didn't want it to . But the truth is I like very much where my life is going. I've made this p;ath. I like that i can sleep next to my boyfriend at night. I like that in under five months we'll be living together. What I don't like are my weak moments of panic. I hate that feeling. That 'Oh no what has happened, what am I doing, how can I fix it?' feeling. Its stupid. I know that if at one of those weak moments I were to break up with him or something the next day or next minute I would fall apart. We complete each other so nicely it would be like a part of me just fell off. Why can't I wrap my brain around it? I don't know. I've pretty much taken a wait-and-see attitude about these next upcoming weeks. Its such a transitional time for the both of us. Not only is he at a new schoool with a new major. We are both dealing with actually having a traditional close distance relationship. We've never had that. I know we'll have to be careful about a lot of things like how much time we spend together and making sure neither of us stifles the other persons wants and interests. but I've decided to just deal with that sort of thing when, and if, it comes up. I mean, how can you fix something if it hasn't even broken yet? IT doesn't make any sense. Granted, when something does happen we both have to be concious to tell the other person and just fix it. I just hope we both come out stronger at the end of this. I know we will. I just need to start remembering that when I can't fall asleep at night.

Well that was long and rambling and I'm sorry for the lack of paragraphs, I just kind of free wrote whatever came to mind so I'm not really sure where to put them now. Plus I don't want to go over it right now becaus eI'll probably delete it instead of just publishing it like I really want to do.

~*Ery*~