Something or Other

I don't know why I'm so gosh darn bad at this. I guess part of it comes from not doing it in so long and not wanting to recap in a long post. Its not completely necessary to recap everything I guess. Main points are usually good enough. I want to post. I think about it sometimes. Then I just don't. I guess I just get bored with whatever it is I was going to write about.

I moved in with Paul, officially, this weekend. Wow. I'm scared. Just getting that out there. He's not, or at least he says he's not. He never asks me about it and that makes me sad. There are a lot of things he doesn't ask about.

That seems to be a main dilemma for me. Paul doesn't question anything. Meanwhile I love questions and knowing what is going on and it drives him crazy. So I end up not questioning anything and feeling unsatisfied and he's right as rain. I really want to bring it up, but he shuts me out as soon as I even think about discussing something with him that he may have a different opinion on. Every discussion isn't a bad one. One of the first things I learned in my argumentation class this semester is that we (people) argue for lots of reasons, only some of them out of anger. The others are used to make decisions or just for the fun of disagreeing on something in an amiable way. Grrr. I don't know how to bring this up.

It worries me that I can ask him as many questions about "personal, male things" but as soon as I try to find out how he's feeling about something, he doesn't want to talk to me about it. I guess to be fair I never really tell him when something is bothering me, I pout quite a bit. Maybe that's part of the problem. If I said, right away, that his actions were upseting me, or that I have something on my mind that I'd like to talk about sometime, maybe he'd be more open to talking to me. Again, to be fair, its not like he doesn't talk to me ever, its just that its more of a when-its-convenient-for-him kind of thing.

Well that was a lovely little rant.

I guess I'm happy. Maybe I'm just on a little mood swing right now.

Which reminds me...I've been tracking my cycle and I'm excited! I like knowing what's going on so much!! I feel like I'm finally getting in touch with myself as a woman, which I know sounds really cheesy, but its the truth. Its cool to be following along and knowing when I'm going to get moody and when I'll be peppy as can be. I guess deep down I feel like I'm connecting with something older than myself. I mean, this is something that has been going on for generations and centuries and millenia and I'm part of it and I'm aware of that now. Instead of dreading and not being sure what exactly is going on I'm able to identify with millions of women throughout the ages.

Lots of Love,

~*Ery*~