blah day

O the subject of this blah day I believe that Mon. is actually gah but i'll have to check...Anyway. I hate thinking. I'm so sick of over analyzing things. What I need is to stop thinking about him ( for now on he will be known as M. for clarities sake as well as confidentiality). Things will work themselves out in the end. Although I'm not sure how...why hasn't M. called or emailed? Why can't I stop thinking about it? M. makes me so happy.... maybe I should just leave the whole thing behind me. However I can't. Its to big in my life right now for me to see around it, to dense for me to see through it, and just to multi-personal for me to handle on my own. I know my friends are sick of it...i'm sorry... I hope you understand...let me be selfish for a while...I want some positive attention. DOes that make me attentiong starved? Am I a bad person for it? I like to believe not but what is ther to say otherwise. So many lies can be told on so many levels. I can't see through them to what really matters. I don't know. Trust is huge. I need to increase my trust in others, especially those who are close to me...no thats not right because I could trust them with my life, but not with my feelings...does that make sense? I think what I'm trying to say is I'm not sure WHAT I feel thus I am unable to share it. But yeah. Today was blah. Although it ahad its high points:

"We had to gouge your feelings." "No. No I mean gage...gage your feelings!"
" Look at my black spandex capris! THey're like whales...eeekeeek!"
" I feel the same way about__M.__as I do my cool new spandex capris...."
Along with the fact that J. knows that the boy JA. likes her. (Its amazing how alike their names are).
What a day filled with double entendra and plots and comedy...sounds lke a Shakespearean play... hopefully its acomedy...they worl out in the end---how?---I don't know its a mystery.