Why?

Why must we live so far apart? Why must I miss him so much? Why can't I see him for two weeks? Why does my heart ache as I think of the longe weeks ahead of me? WHy can't it all work out perfectly? Why do I feel this deep down empty feeling? Why does it hurt? Why can't I write it down? Why do I love him so much it hurts? Why do I love him so much I can see it reflected in his eyes? Why does he love me so much? WHy is he everything I've ever wanted and needed?

I miss him so much. I want to cry. I can't cry, because I know I shouldn't an dI know it would dig deep into his heart to know I cried. I wote hima love letter. I gave it to him. He cried. I diddn't see it, but he told me. He told me no one has ever meant as much to him as I do. I feel the same way about him and it hurts when we're far away. I want to just forget for a while. I can't sleep because my mind won't shut down. It won't stop going around and around and reflecting on the fact that he is not next to me. That he can't squeeze me and make me feel better. I miss my love. I miss Paul. I feel like a blathering idiot. its been three days. I miss him because I know its not going to get any shorter. I'd be fine except we keep watching these movies where everyone falls in love nad lives happily ever after and hugs and kisses, and I have no one to share it with.

On the upside it snowed today and I was excited. Well I acted excited, I don't know if I trully was as excited as I acted. I do that sometimes. Act a certain way to cover up how I feel inside. I guess you could call it a way of protecting myself from feeling too much. I don't like that I do it, because sometimes I feel fake, but then again I was really happy about hte fleeting snow so maybe that was my true feeling. I don't want to leave it here. I miss my friends back home, but I could move here. I could live the rest of my life here. I don't know. I need to lay down and just pass out. I feel a change coming. I have a feeling its something good, but I feel it coming, I'm afraid.

I miss him.

~*Ery*~