Stuff that I Didn't Feel Right About Putting Under the Title "Love Affair w/Office Supplies"

My knee hurts! owowowow! I thinkI messed up my sciatic nerve again. Owowowow! I gotta stop being mean to myself. I think its from running and sleeping on the floor. Its probably messed my spinal alignment all up. Ah well I'll deal with it until it hurts to much.

I love fireworks! Yea for getting to see some downtown tommorow! I'm going with Jen and the guys and Sam and Meghan and their group. It should be fun. And maybe I'll call Jon up and ask him if he wants to go. But then again, I did the creepy thing and looked his number up in the phone book and that might reflect oddly on me. I mean, I would love to hang out with him and all, because we get along so great, but I'm worried about where my feelings are right now for him. I don't know that I like him, butI don't know that I don't. I mean if getting happy when his name is mentioned is a sign of infatuation, then yeah I guess I like him. But then again, if it just means that we have a good friendship starting then I guess I don't. The only way to find out is to call and invite him. But I feel so odd about that. Its really screwing with my head. Especially the fact athat Mrs. S. is so into it. I mean I don't know if I have true feelings or if its just: hmmm well maybe if she sees something then it must mean.... Whatever. Maybe I'll call him maybe I won't. I'll just have to see how my day goes.

I miss my best friends! I mess Jackie and Nancy. But I might get to see Jackie tommorrow at the fireworks which would mean some fun time. But it feels like I haven't seen Nancy in ages. She went up to her cottage and I don't know when she's coming back down.

But on the plus side I've made an online buddy! I think he's my twin. An so to answer his question...sort of: Ery is not my full name (can you imagine the schoolyard nicknames if it was?). But it is connected to my real name. I'm not gonna tell you anymore because thats just to much info going around. Oh, and I love sunsets too. I don't feel to much for a sunrise because they are just so slow. But a sunset is majestic and dramatic and powerful and I ablsolutely adore them. I like taking pictures of horisons on the water. THey just seem so peaceful to me, like nothing can interrupt that solitude.

Its amazing how much I love the water.

I think I know what i'm gonna be when I grow up. By the way when are you grown up? Is it at 18? 21? 30? When you finally have a caree and not a job? When you have a family? Anywho. I thinki'm gonna be an environmental scientist. Fun fun. I'm excited. I have to change my college courses though so I'm leaning towards ecology though and not so much nursing.

Oh and I believe that my outlook on life is better this week than it has been. I think its because I have finally embraced my natural afectation towards solitude. I enjoy doing things by myself and I had to accept it. And now that I have I feel happier. I feel less like I'm playing a part and more like I'm playing myself. No, I'm not a hermit, and yes I like being with other people a good amount of the time, but I also enjoy being alone and doing things like getting ice cream or riding around on my bike. Somehow, in the past few months I lost sight of that, which is sad because in a way I lost sight of myself. But now I've found it, so I can continue to grow with it. (Eeek, that was some major psychological babble-ish, its okay though)

~*Ery*~

P.S. This isn't the original blog but its pretty damn close with some changes and add-ons. Stupid Blogger...I wanna throw something at you, like a shoe.

ARRRGH!!!!!!!!!!

Ihad this really nice post just about finished that would have followed up the last one and then I saved it as a draft and navigated away and now its gone. I'm so angry I could shoot Blogger. So now I have to start over andI don't rmember what I started with...ooo I'm so mad right now...andI save this until I was happier but it might not work!! So i'm piblishing it and coming back later when I''ve cooled down! ARRRGH!!

~*Ery*~

Love Affair w/Office Supplies

I love office supplies. They are so cool. Probably not to anyone but me and the Staple Guy in "Office Space" but yeah I love them. At my office we have three, count them, three different types of white out! Now why would you need, or even invent three types of white out? I'll tell you why. For three different things! Obviously there is regular white out, then white out for copies and then the cool little no-dry-time-tape-like white out. Next in my office we have Prong Fasteners. Which allow you to attach papers into files in an orderly manner so that they do not move. These are rather sophisticated and required me to actually learn how to use them. I like these alot and have thus proceeded to attach approximatly half of the prongfasteneres together in the bpx on my desk. Which makes it difficult for me to use them, but thas okay I just un-attach them . Okay then there is the two hole punch which I thought was cool until I used it then I realized it wasn't because it freaking doesn't work unless you put all of your weight on it and then you're practically leaping up and down trying to punch holes....so yeah I guess the hole punch and I broke up. I really like the envelope stamper butI don't get to use that much. And the shreddder was a total let down because it goes to a company for shredding it doesn't make a cool whirring sound (I love onomatopeias) and then slice and dice the paper like I thought it would. OOOooo and I'm so totally in love with our copy/facsimile (fax for short how cool is that it has a nickname)/scanner/printer/document-do-something-or-other-that-I've-never-done machine. It is amazing and thats all I have to say.

~*Ery*~

Monkey Business

Hummm.....I'm in a good mood today. I slept in (which wasn't the plan since I would like to get up and run I really would, but man am I lazy) till 10. Which was blissfull. I woke up tangled in my comforter, because for some reason I like covering up with that on 75 degree nights. I got up and had Frosted Flakes and blueberries yum yum (wow this is mundane, I'm boring, I think if all I have to write about are blueberries in artificially flavored breakfast cereals...oh well)! Then I watched some of the Nanny which amuses me ever so much...I love Fran Drescher. She makes me happy. She is also one of the only people whose autobiography I read willingly. Both as a matter of fact. Funny funny *sigh*. And now I'm back at work. The only place I can blog at right now because our laptop is broken. Stupid technology. I can't wait till I have my own...is that hypocritical? Raving against technology and then wishing for some...I don't know, maybe...but know I'm answering my own questions which is not wise. New topic.

I bought sunglasses yesterday. Wiat I lied. I bought two pairs of sunglasses yesterday. For the price of one. I am a SUPER SHOPPER! (du du du DAAAH!) I love deals, mostly because I'm cheap. But thats okay because I splurge on food all the time. I love food. I love to eat. Just thinking about it makes me hungry. Or thirsty. I'm probably just dehydrated and my mind is telling me that I'm hungry when really I'm thirsty. (Wow this will be interesting to read-over in two months)

I was reading a comment from someone on my last post and it made me think of something. I hope this helps explain that I'm not a mean bitchy friend. We just understand each other very well. I remembered a conversation I had with my friend Nancy about one year ago. We had just finished putting together a suprise party for Jackie. This required major working together and compromise of ideas on our part. No problem one might say, you are best friends. But Nancy and I have this wonderful relationship that allows us to hate what the other is doing but totally love the person still. The convo went something like this:

N: I'm so glad this worked out so well
E: Me too.
N: Especially since when we first decided to do this I was like, wow this will be really hard. I hate Ery sometimes.
E: You hate me sometimes?! I hate you sometimes!
N: Really?
E: Yeah.
N: Wow, we are good.

We then proceeded to have the best year of our friendship. I think it was because we both knew that the other did things that really ticked the other person off, thus making it easier for us to just acknowledge to each other, sans guilt, you are pissing me off, back away now. And yes there are times when one of us gets in a huff about the other, but that goes away after the hormones cool off. Jackie and I have our moments too. She has told me of times when she thinks that I'm abandoning her and she will just live without me and never be my friend again. Two minutes later we are laughing over something like how fun the word wiggle is to say. Thats just how we are. And on that note I hope my realtionship with people has become more clear.

Ok so I just answered the phone and this guy is like: "Its Don from Corporate, is Wes in?" I tell him he's not and take the message and we hang up. Let me just say that Corporate is in TX. So when Don said his name it sounded more like Dawn. Only I knew it wasn't Dawn because he had this big deep voice and I've talked to him before, but really I was so amused because I thought his name was Dawn for a second. So I repeated it back, under the pretense of taking an accurate message, and he said yes Don. and I'm like okay (heeheehee inside), good bye I'll give him the message. Heehee. Note if I ever move someplace I'm going to check that my children's names will not sound funny in the dialect spoken by the people in that area. Because, man its funny, but its not nice to laugh at people's names...heehee.

I had ice cream yesterday. Actually I had sorbet (which makes Nancy laugh because I say it the correct way, sor-bay). It was fruity and yummy and cheap and in a wafflecone. And there I go again giving mundane facts about my life. I also tried to watch a scary movie but I gave up. I attempted to watch White Noise. A movie which everyone in my family saw (including my 12 yr old bro) and they all said, no its not that scary. Which is the exact reason I had to turn it off 45 mins in. I was so freaking out. I turned it off and put in Coach Carter. Much better.

Heh. So I started doing this senior scrapbook to put out at my grad party. That was not smart. I'm going over it with my sister Dev. and she is laughing at me. The stupid thing keeps prompting stuff like: So, I'll tell you how prom was: and then I answer and she laughs because it sounds soooo cheesy. But in the back corner off my mind I like it a little bit. I know that in ten/twenty years when I look back I'll be happy that I went cheesy and filled the damn thing out. But right now, I'm considering not putting it out at graduation. Its almost a bit too embarassing.

~*Ery*~

P.S. This is labeled Monkey business and I don't know why. So there.

Ack! I totally forgot this and and had to edit the post to insert it. I commented in french on this french guy's blog and he came and checked out mine and wrote in french and I understood it and I have to call Jackie and tell her because it has completely made my day!!

Anything Goes

J'aime le video musicale....That is some messed up french right there. I think the only correct part is J'aime...ah well who is going to notice? All I really had to say on the subject is that I saw this list of love quotes today when I was flipping through MSN and it had this line from Cole Porter's Song "You're the Top" and it reminded me of the play Anything Goes which the drama club put on this year and I loved it..."Babe, if I'm the bottom, you're the top!"

And finally I have plans. Since everyone is out of town (Jackie, Nancy, Jay, Jackie F.) or working when I'm not (not to say that sometimes that isn't reversed) I have been bored out of my mind. So bored I have walked the dog down S. Highland. Not that that is the clearest of boredisms but to anyone who knows me it is. I mean I uysed to avoid that street like the plague. And for good reason too. The guys were so mean, I mean they would harass and pick fun of us girls every time we rode by. I hated it. Thank God we all have matured a bit in the past few years. I.e. THey are a bit less cruel and I can handle it a bit better/realized that they are asses to eveeryone and its really nothing personal. Because yesterday (and probably today) I walked the dog down the dreaded street just to see if anyone was out there for me to talk to. That is so pititful. But the point was that I have plans....for friday night! Yea! We are going to see the fireworks (we = me Jen and the guys and Amber i'm assuming...but you know what assuming does..makes and ass of you and me! hehe I love that play on words) and then spend the night at Jens in the tents. Fun fun...I love staying at Jen's, but I've already mentioned this.

My friend just got a gift certificate to Media Play in the mail...I want one...He says its because he's cool. I think he's lying.

And now I'm making plans with Josh because I'm bored out of my mind...damnit. Wait I might be able to get out of it. IfI play my cards correctly he might forget...distraction is the key...stalling is working.

This is a post that I thought got deleted but it didn't (see teh 4yh of July post for details). SO I'm putting it in now so that it will no longer be a draft.

~*Ery*~

Oy with the Poodles already!

So I have this weird..I-wanna-get-some-randomness-off-my-chest feeling. And the only way I can figure out how to get these things off my chest is to just write them all out, prefaced by that cool little squiggley thing on the keyboard. Several things people should know about me and how I think that I am going to tell:

~Oy! Heehee I love that word. I got the title for this post from a Gilmore Girls episode that I watched last night. And I just want to say that it is a great phrase and everyone should use it to its full extent.
~And another thing people should use is the "I'm holding a thought motion" This is a very simple and discreet way of showing people that you have something to say and reminding yourself of it at the same time...all you have to do is touch your index finger to your thumb and then wave that had back and forth from the wrist. Now granted, this can become highly indiscreet if the hand is waved all over the place but if used correctly it will serve you well. Now go and be cool!
~I want people that don't know me to read my blog so that I can feel anonymous/
~I get nervous when people watch me exercise. I don't know why. Its really strange because, totally non-egotistically, I know that I don't look bad but I'm afraid of the watching eys.
~ I think that's it really. I don't like to know that I'm being watched. It makes me so nervous. I feel like someone is trying to stalk me and it creeps me out. (For instance Jeff kissed me once and then post kiss he was looking at me all lovey-eyes and I say: what are you looking at? When he said "you" I said: don't, it makes me nervous) That is weird folks.
~I don't have very original ideas, but I'm pretty good at taking other peoples and screwing with them so that they become more me - like.

Okay enough squiggles. This is just something that I noticed today while running. Okay for starters I had my eyes closed. No, I can't run blind, but all I was looking at were the lines on the track so they were just open a little slit. And I noticed that I hate looking up to see where I'm going on this circular track. Now, this could be some wacked out psycho schtuff but I was thinking, as I was running, that maybe its a sign of something. A sign that I don't want to look ahead in my life to see what's out there. But that sounds so far out in left field that its hard to believe it...but then again...it haunts me.

And then there is Jackie's bf, Joel. I promised a follow up on what was up with him. His best friend died on Tues. (I'm going to try my best here with the emotions but its hard, mine are kinda all over the place) Joel is 19 and Andrew was 22. 22! You don't die when you are 22 years old. That is just not supposed to happen. He died of 5 heartattacks. He was healthy by all accounts. A football player and the director of his church choir. And now he's dead. Its not right. I cried when Jackie told me how he died. And when she told me Joel saw the first of the five. But on that note. Joel had been acting, well, jerkish towards Jackie. And I know compassion, I should have compassion, but he was downright burly and ignored her at times. She wasn't asked to any of the services, which isn't a horrible thing, but she was willing to drop everything whenever he needed her. Yet, he still made her feel bad. That is so wrong. The whole situation is wrong and I hate it. I want it to just go away and resolve itself.

That said I just want the world to know that I said things against the relationship that I shouldn't have. And for that I'm sorry.

~*Ery*~

This Weekend

So on Saturday I had four graduation parties that I was able to make. In order: Meg, Christina, Jon D. And Meghan. So here are the synopsis of each.

Meg

Well everyone at Meg's was really fun. I knew all of her family and all the friends so it was cool. Everyone just hung out and chilled and ate. It was cool having some good clean fun. Although when Carrie drinks it makes me nervous. She is just so young and I don't want anything to happen to he, I know she has a good head on her shoulders but still...

Jackie drove me too Christina's on her way to Matt's. It worked out really well we got the easiest directions and stuff. It was perfect. We talked about schtuff on the way over which is always cool

Christina

Chistina is my cousin. We've known ech other since we were at least three. But we've definitely gone different ways and its sad. We always used to have so much in common and now we just aren't as tight. I ended up sitting with my aunts, uncles and parents. Its nice to catch up n stuff but I just couldn't really take all that family time. So I called Jackie, we were going to the same next party, and she got me after an hour and a half.

When Jackie picked me up Allie was with her. Allie and I have an, interesting, relationship to say the least. But we get along so its all good. On our way over we saw Joel's, Jackie's bf, car. Jackie left him a not because he had been acting weird. But I'll explain that in a later post...its a biggie.

Jon D.

So this lack of last names thing sucks. I love this guy's last name. It's like a restaurant, which is not the reason I love it but its a hint...anyway. We got there and he gave us food and then ran off to be host. I don't know how I feel about this guy. I think I just want a fun summer fling-y thing. But yeah, so he left us then came back with senior pics and he's gonna write on them and give them back, so I have at least one more excuse to see him. I think I'm gonna figure out a way to get his number and then ask him out to the movies or the fireworks or something. He gave us girls some Belgium chocolates and I about died they were so good. And then we left. I was so not ready to leave but Jackie was and she was my ride so out the door I went. I definitly didn't want to get a ride home with Josh. I just don't put myself in those situations if I can politely manage not to.

Then Jackie took me to Meghan's. I almost went to her house and got picked up, but Meghan's house was suprisingly close.

Meghan

Meghan's party was almost over by the time I got there (I mean it was about 10:30), But her bf Jeff was still there so we all went inside and chilled. In about an hour Jen, Sam, Liz, Mike, Mullet, Matt, and Amber had all arrived. We all hung out and just goofed off for a little while and then all the guys & Amber left and it was just us St. Mary's girls. We had major girl talk. We got the low down on sex from Jen and talked about how far everyone had gone with their boyfriends....I was left out of that conversation and it sucked. They all just knew that I have done nothing further than making out with Romney so they didn't bother even bringing it up with me. I want somebody to cuddle. Then we went to bed and slept till 10:45. It was so nice.

Jen took Sam and I home.

So yeah that was Saturday. Sunday was not so fun. I sat at home and drank over 60 oz of water, peed all the time, and watched at least 6 hours of Gilmore Girls. It was pitifull I saw three episodes that I had already seen and I just sat through them becauseI had nowhere to go and nothing to do. I feel like I'm not really in on everything that's going on. But that might just be me being paranoid.

~*Ery*~

Random Merde

Doesn't swearing in french sound so much classier? I believe it does. Today was nice. Hot but nice. I live in possibly the most humid place on the continental United States, I hate the heat...Thank God for cold colleges.

So I went swimming today and I did yoga and it was great. Jackie did it together at her cottage and this old guy with his two kids yells out as we are in Table pose and exhaling into Dog Tilt (for a visual think of what you look like on you hands and knees and then dipping your back toward the ground, in short, butts in the air).

Man in boat with kids:I know you want me to smack you but you are too far away
Us: .... w h a t ?....
Kid #1: Why do they want a smack
Us: Roaucous laughter
Man in boat wit kids: I know I just made your afternoon.
Us: More raucous laughter for about ten minutes

He did make our afternoon

Then we went back to her house and figured out grad party stuff for tommorrow and I think Mrs. S. has touched on something. I think I might have a little thing for Jon D. (Lord another J name). We just get along so well and I think it might be a mutual thing, as in I think he may reciprocate te feeling. Which I only gather because he totally tracked me down today and outside of being mildly stalker ish it was kinda sweet. I felt all liked, but that might just be my mind. But its hard to keep a straight face in front of Mrs. S. becauseI think she may be correct when she says "I think there might be something developing between you two Ery." All I can say right now is: I would not object if someting did occur, in fact I would welcome any advances...I even made the first move sorta and offered my cell number. He will take it tomorrow so we'll see how things go from there.

I think I shall go watch Coach Carter now so I'm off to the couch

~*Ery*~

Ask and I will tell you

Wow. I totally dropped all my junk on Josh. I didn't to but he asked. What am I supposed to say, "No I will not tell you about my crappy ass day."? No, for some reason, I don't think that would fly very well. I'm tired. And I really can't wait to get out of this stupid house. I'm just soooo ready to leave. But no, I'm here for another two months. I want to get away from this rididculous family, with all of its resposibilities and expectations. Not that college is going to be free of those things but I need to start over. I need this freedom, I feel like i'm suffocating in this world. In this small town. Where everyone knows everything. I need to make a fresh start and find myself, my Lord, how cliche is that.

Well, I didn't make my morning yesterday. And I'm not going to make it today either. Poo. i'm so lazy. I have to call Sandy and get a ride to Rachel's house/recital. What has my life become? I'm hanging out with a sophomore on a Friday night...this is so sad.

On the mild;y disgusting note that i have the urge to tell Jackie, who is in Chicago, I have had teh most interesting intestine week. I have had major gas realeasing and grat poops. I think I'm geting enough fiber. Its nice to tell that. I mean GREAT poops.

On that note, I'm off to le toilet.

~*Ery*~

If I could be...

I stole this fro someone elses blog... http://spuriousplum.blogspot.com give credit where credit is due I say.

I’m supposed to choose 5 things from this here list and complete a subsequent “If I could be . . .” thought. Then I tag three other folks to keep it truckin’. I've highlighted my answers, because it makes me feel important, and egotism's sexy, no?
Here goes:

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer I would totally live in IA and grow corn and then UPS it to all my friends and let them taste some good 'ole Iowa corn!
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter I would suck. I think I might actually be one of those weird modern painters who rolls around in the paint and then on this HUGE canvas...it would be like body painting, finger painting for adults.
If I could be a gardener
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist I would...be pretty content, then again I might kill the whinny boring patients, and I think that is frowned upon.
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be a professor
If I could be a world famous blogger I would hate it. Everyone would know my private life and tell everyone else and I'd have to start a journal on paper and I hate to handwrite stuff and then I would be mad at everyone for freaking me out.
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world
If I could be married to any current famous political figure
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a writer
If I could be an innkeeper I would own one of those old style ones from the Medieval Age and you could sleep there but there wouldn't be any whores 'cause I wouldn't own that kind of establishment. And it would be dirty but the beds would be oh so soft and I'd be so far in the backwoods and so far from the beaten path that the Health Dept. wouldn't even bother to check on me.
If I could be a chef
If I could be a llama-rider
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a librarian I would totally rock your reading glasses.
If I could be a bonnie pirate

Shit, I did 6. Oh well I guess I wish I could be a lot of things.

**Random Rant**
I hate when people spell the word a-l-o-t! That is not a word. It is actually two words "a" and "lot" . So please spell them correctly. I also hate when a person spells the word yea wrong...it makes me mad. Not that I can talk I always spell words wrong.
**End of Random Rant**

Fun Things

Ever notice that the fonts available are totally unoriginal? I mean I want some fun curlies or squiggles or something. Ah well. Today was a good day. Worked, had lunch, went out twice in one night and didn't get in trouble for staying out too late. Its a good day. Nancy have such fun times together sometimes. I had the best time with Jen and Jackie F.

Jen: Jackie, I saw Hoolio at my orientation.
Me: Giggantic gasp NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!!
Jackie and Jen, simultaneaously: You know Hoolio?
Me: Ummm, No ... I was ... keep going...
Laugher at my expense for about ten minutes.
Jackie: Wait, so do you know Hoolio?
Me: No.
Jen:Then who...?
Me: I thought you said Koolio..you know...the old...rapper
Doesn't matter anymore they are gone. The laughter has taken over, I'm with it and we are almost crying from laughter. At right about that moment in time the Tim Horten's guy looks into the backseat and says ,
Tim Hortons's Guy: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, yeah I'm fine...giggle snort...muffled laugh
Tim Horton's Guy: Oookaay, you ladies have a good night.

We discovered later that he gave us the wrong donut...we had to go back, for some reason he was pissed...IT WAS HIS FAULT FOR SCREWING UP THE ORDER...he was nice once he realized that. I think we gave him a good story to tell later to his buddies, I hope they have as much fun with it as we did.

So today I remembered some things:

1. I like Ska music!
2. I like learning where music has evolved from and Vh1 is the coolest place because they indulge this love.
3. I like music of all kinds
4. One of my favorite movies that I always forget to mention is Empire Records....I LOVE LUCAS!!!

So ummm yeah thats about it, except I dont wanna go to bed!!! I'm so awake, and for the third day I know I'm not gonna be able o get up to run and work out becauseI'm getting up too late...boohoo...I really want to do this...maybe if I go to bed nowIll get like 5 1/2 hours of sleep which may be enough...no probably not. Damn.

Oh-man-oh-man-oh-man-oh-man! I totally forgot the coolest thing I ever heard on the radio. To shorten it I'll just say that the morning talk show was randomly callling peoples and they go nand get this answering machine...and it was so cool I wrote it down to remember for rightt his moment but I can't get to it because my sister is asleep so its from memory:

We couldn't find a magical tune for June...So leave you message here, while we cheer...YEA! Woohoo! (And assorted other cheers right up until the beep)

It was soooo cool. I was amazed. Okay I'm going to bed. I swear.

~*ERY*~

The Small Things

Ever notice thats its the little things that we wish we could remember later on in life? I noticed wheni was looking through some older posts that someof my biggest smiles came from little phrases that I wrote down to remember later. Some of them were so fun and brought back stuff I had pretty much forgotten until that point. Nothing really fun happened today but I really like the info in my AIM profile so I think I'll just copypaste it in right here to look at later.

~Ode~
Dearest Claudia
you died saturday
cold and wet
protector and showtunelover
you will be missed.
Beloved '89 Honda Civic.

I found the quote I wanted...its so much better than the paraphrase that I had:

And I try but I'm not convincing
Your lips.. they pout and twist
And I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you
You take in everything with a certainity I envy
It's somehow all I need

I have thrown my shoulders back, though. And I've moved on. Don't give me that sweet glance, it would be too little, too late.

And why is it that whenever you look really good there is no one around to do anything?

Someone break this boredom spell. Anything will do at this point as long as I can get there after 6pm its all good.

Why are all the good men taken,
And why do all the brave men die,
And why are the women left alone to cry?

That's whats there. Its not the happiest right now. I'm feeling a bit depressed but its ok. I think I just have to not dwell on it to much. So, yeah, thats it.

~*ERY*~

Jen's Grad Party

Jen's Party was, in two words, quintessential Jen. It was Hawaii themed which is one of Jen's favorite things to do. And it ended in a camp-out sleep over. All in all it was a very good time, despite the very cold temperatures. Thats right, very cold. We had a pre-summer cold spell which meant that the luoa consisted not of people in bathing suits but people in jackets. To start from the beginning would take too long, since nothing really happened but I will do a quick recap with explanations for the, ahem, interesting parts.

Arrival

Food

James

James is a person that Jen and I swam with last sumer, and Jen now knows from her job at the Y. He was weird then and he is weird now. I ended up being his buddy at the party since he sat down by me and I talked to him. Now granted he is a very nice person he's just a little, odd. But then again aren't we all? To say the least I was happy when he left, but dissappointed when he returned. He left again thank God, I don't think I could have dealt with him all night.

Cal

Corinne's brother. A very funny guy who I wouldn't mind getting to know better, as a friend.

Leis

Since it was a luoa everyone got leied by everyone else. not particulary interesting but Nancy made the note that I seemed to always get "laid" by a Jackie's boyfriend...a point I had to agree with.

The RHS crowd (including Jay because thats how he knows Jen)

Jackie, Nancy, Jackie M. and Jay (sorry the heading speaks the truth). They all came by and stayed for a little while. Both the Jackies left fairly soon after though because they weren't done making the grad party rounds...personally though I think they felt out of place, because really, who shows up at a grad party at 10:30? Not many people that I know.

The Euchre Game

A friendly thing, a euchre game, right? No. Apparently I can't seem to be able to prove that I know how to play the game. This has forced me to cease playing with Jackie, Nancy and Jay. A crappy deal that I get the butt end of but thats how it apparently is going to have to be.

Battle of the Sexes

After everyone who wasn't staying the night left there were twelve of us left. 6 guys and 6 girls. So Jen had everyone get into the big tent and we were going to play 'Battle of the Sexes'. A suprisingly boring game by itself, so we spruced up the rules a bit. Everytime one team got a point (3 consecutive questions correct) the opposite team had to take off a layer of clothing. This would be done only until a person was down to his/her underclothing layer because we aren't that willing to strip. All well and good, we are a friendly group of people. Unfortunatly I was wearing the least amount of clothing on the girls side. I was in bra and underwear in two points. Eventually we all ended up in our underclothes and then the game went back to being not so interesting because the girls weren't stripping and we all had pillows in our laps (yes I know my underwear cover more of me than my bathing suit does, but I can't seem to get comfortable in just my underwear) I was comfortable enough in my bra (although with Mullet aiming the falshlight at my chest alone for half the game it was a bit un-nerving) but not in my underwear. part of that reason being that I was only comfortable sitting crossleggged which I know opens up my legs for whomever wants to see right between them. I was voted as having the sexiest boobs, though, which was an amazing confidence boost, in a weird perverse sort of way. In the end we got dressed rather quickly when we thought Jen's dad was coming out to the tent. He wasn't but it was pretty funny to see all of us scrambling to get our clothing back on.

Bed-Time

After the game we decided to just bed down and get some sleep since it was about 3:30. The big tent only sleeps tens people squished in so two people were going to have to use the small two person tent that Jay had brought. It ended up being Jay and I because, as Jen said, I knew Jay the best, a true statement. I, although somewhat pleased as a peach, was a tad disappointed. I really enjoy Jen's sleepovers because we just stay up and talk and goof off. All the people in the big tent stayed up chatting while me and my tent buddy went to sleep because he was tired...yes I know I didn't have to go to bed too, but it was easier to just get to sleep then, than have to move later on when everyone did go to sleep. It wasn't the most fun experience I've ever had, though. My giddy-ness turned to annoyed dozing when I discovered that Jay snores whenever he is on his back, a sleeping position he seems to enjoy. It was not the most solid nights of sleep, that I can say. It was also cold since it was under 60 degrees outside. So, and this is the excuse I give to people when it is brought up, I cuddled into Jay (the true reason is that I really enjoy cuddling and was hoping for some but I got none, oh well). Back turned so it wasn't weird when one of us woke up with the other's face in theirs I snuggled right up. In the end we shifted towards the wall about 6 inches. We both had complaints to the other the next morning so it worked out well.

The Morning after

During the night we lost several people. Liz and Romney both left for illness related reasons, Sam and Matt had to go for a family breakfast, and Mark and Kelly (not originally counted) left early to go lifeguard. Those of us left got up and had breakfast. We ended up walking to Rite-Aid to buy Fathers Day cards and then coming back to Jen's. After that we took down the tents and Jay gave me a ride home. All in all it was a fun experience.

That was the party in a nutshell. We had a lot of fun and I discovered something that I would rather not even admit to myself. Romney is a very nice guy and I'm a tad bit disappointed in myself for not even bothering to get to know him better. Its a shame that my shame got in the way of what could have been a very nice relationship. At least the awkward stage is over and we can talk (and sit next to each other in our undahpants) and not feel really uncomfortable with it, at least thats how it felt from my end. I don't really know what's going on in his mind and frankly I would prefer not to at this moment. I realize that I did a very poor job of staightening my shoulders and getting over Jay. Apparently its going to have to be a renewed action everytime he comes up. Eventually it will work because there really isn't any point in lingering on a moot point. Nothing is going to happen and if it did, I don't know, but I have a sneaking suspicion that unnatural things would occur and nature would be all out of whack. There we go its all done.

Except Josh. I never asked him the question about a girls feelings and a guys. I chickened out and I guess that's just where we are going to have to be. Its an odd place to be, but right now he's grounded so I'm getting a few days reprieve. I guess I'll just have to roll with the punches and make sure no one gets to hurt in the process.

A note on the euchre game: There was more to say but it really didn't fit into the party description so I put it here as a sort of really long foot note. The them I am refering to are Jackie, Nancy and Jay. Together. I am willing to play with one of them but never more than that. For the reasons that I am about to give I cannot play with more than one of them in a group. I can never seem to lead the correct card, help my partner enough, pay attention correctly, not renig, or a myriad of other things that I can do wrong. A myriad of other things that they do wrong as well but since I am the worst player amoung them (I won't try to deny that, I know it to be the truth) I end up getting all the critiscim and I am tired of it. I resent being the only player who is asked, 'you know thats a heart, do you have any hearts?' whenever a bower is played. And I especially resent the arguing that ensues over who will have to partner with me, the groaning that I have to hear from who it eventually is, and the 'well we're going to lose' attitude that my partner carries with them for the remainder of the game. If they don't want to play with me why do they bother to ask? I have been pronounced free and clear of DK euchre, why am I still being treated like a slow 5yr old? Apparently I will never be allowed into their quorum of highly professional, perfect euchre players so I figured that I'm done trying. The next time I play a euchre game with them is when they have to beg me. And beg me because they have asked everyone else around. I will sit and watch them play with strangers before joining back into one of their games. It's not likely to happen since usually they just ask me once, since I'm there, then go find someone else if I decline. I'm tired of being the player that no one wants. And I can't say that it will be easy for me to do. I do enjoy playing the game, but if I'm going to be approached like some kind of useless appendage then I want no part in it. I know this is a harsh punishment. I also know that I will not be able to fully give it. I will most likely only do this for a couple games. It will be more of a "when you've learned your lesson" punishment than a "you have completly lost the privlege." Because even older children need a warning.

~*ERY*~

Jay's Grad Party

So today was Jay's grad party. It was fun. I looked so cute, i was pleased. My hair behaved itself and got so many compliments on it. I felt so loved. Nancy came and picked me up and then we left. It was nice just chatting wih her. She got hit-on on the ride over, though, and it was sooo funny. This guy follws us down the road for a couple miles then all of a sudden he's right next to us at a stop light waiting and talking to us. He hands me a business card and says to give it to my friend. So when I give it to Nancy he asks her name. I couldn't be honest without saying that I was a little jealous, I mean I was there too. But anyway, she finally tells him and he's like, "Hey, my names Mark." (Great, nice to know you) and he's like "Whats wrong?" And Nancy says: "youre a dentist", and he says "well yeah I thought you were cute"....really now? I thought you did this to everyone to drum up some business. In the end he's like "Call me, Nancy" in that cocky ways that cute gys have. When we get to Jay's we tell everyone and it turns out that he played in a 30+ baseball team with Allie's dad...weird.

The party itself was very low key. There weren't very many people and we all just ate and played cards. It was nice. Banas and John came over and talked with us gals for a while which was nice. I mean we aren't really in touch with all Jay's friends so its nice when the few we know make the effort to talk to us. All in all in was a nice get-away from the monotony of being here at home or work.

Afterwards we went to Mongolian BBQ which, I really shouldn't have done. I really didn't need to go eat I wasn't that hungry and I hate when I eat out of boredom. Its not that I worry about my weight, I mean I do, but its more of an: I don't want to get used to eating like that kind of thing. I don't always eat healthy which is the main problem, I guess, but that is another blog so right now I will go back to topic. So we ate and then Jay joined us and we left for some ice cream. Another thing I really didn't need, but whatever its over I guess. And then I had one of the most strange and mildly uncomfortable conversations ever. The gist of it is Jay and Nancy and Allie and Jackie (who knew most of it anyway) now know all (well not all but most) of my mastubation stuff. I feel really odd about the whole thing. I sort of don't like it becaus it was mine, but then again I don't feel so alone any more. Not that I thought I was the onlly one but I guess now its in the open and its not so wrong but then again it is and its dirty and I wish that it could be less of an addiction and common knowledge thing.

I don't know that I necessarily like the person I am sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I am putting up a front of being this sexual and free person but I'm not. I could be but I'm not. And some of it stems from me wanting to be one, I think. I wish sometimes that my morals were not so firmly installed. I want them to leave me alone. I want so much but I can't always have it and that is just the way of the world. There are things that I will never have, and an escape from what I trully believe to be right and true is one of them. I don't think I want to be trully free of them but I wish at times that there wouldn't be such a hurt on how I feel after I have done something I know is wrong or something that isn't but I have given it a bad connotation. I wish I could be more experienced in the world and less fearful of what could happen if I tried something new. And I'm afraid that I will be rejected because of how I feel and think and by how much I want certain things. I want to be held and loved. I believe this to be a basic need for most girls but thats not what really matters.

~Jewel

I wish I could describe how I feel. I feel down. Just melancholy. I know why but I hate admitting it to myself beccause its stupid and ultra-feminine and it gives me this weak feeling that I try so hard to dispel. I want a boy. I want that affection. Its disgusting. Why can't I be happy without one? Was I created this way to always be yearning. I hate it with such a passion that I have trouble expressing it. I feel as if telling makes me weak. It makes me human and down to earth and I don't want that, I mean I want to be earthy and real, but I want to be myself. I want to fly above all of this angst. This pain isn't supposed to be held inside, but I hate confessing (because yes, sometimes it feels like a confession) to it. I want to leave this all behind. I want the fun to come and not leave, because when its fun I don't feel the pain until later. Its easier when there is fun abound, my mind is slower to realize that nothing is happening and nothing is going to come from this. And after? Then what, you ask? Then I come here and sit in the dark and write about it. I spill about how hurtful I feel, me, I sit here in my soft chair and complain. Why? Because I want a boyfriend. It is wrong because why should that be more important than hunger on cold or anything? Why is it an overwhelming force in my life. I want to change from this person, I want to become a butterfly so perfect and ethreal that no one can bear it but can only admire from a far. And then I will come back down and be loved. What an odd, messed up, never true, dream to be living on.

I can't have Jay. I'll never have him. And I want to just show him once how I feel just so I don't have to worry about it anymore. but I can't and I want him to know how I feel, but not feel bad about it, just know that the hurt is there. And when we talk about Jackie and how much he wants her I want him to know that it hurts. Even though I don't say anything even though I encourage him. Because deep down it helps the hurt. Covers it up with scar tissue and makes it a little bit easier to deal with. It sucks and I just think I'll stop wallowing and get on with my life. I've straightened my shoulders and I am going on with my life. From now on I will not wallow in it. He will be just another friend. We are buddies and pals. We will do stuff together but it is platonic.

"Seeing you it kills me now/No I don't cry on the outside/Anymore/...Here I am once again/I'm torn into pieces/Can't deny, can't pretend/Just thought you were the One/Broken up deep inside/But you won't get to see the tears I cry"

~*ERY*~

Bored

Is it wrong to sit at one's job and not do anything and get paid for it? I think it is. I mean I could be at home doing the same thing. Yet here I answer the phone every once and awhile, pick up stuff from the fax machine, deliver it and I get paid. I mean can you spell easy. But anyway.

Unfortunatly I have decided to talk to Josh. I say unfortunatly because its going to be a very awkward conversation. I have to be gentle and honest but I can't expose Jen for spilling the beans. And I want us to still be friends and stuff and go to the movies but I don't want to stay out talking until midnight because I'm too uncomfortable to say take me home. Its just such a tetchy subject. So I'm going to run through some thngs I could say.

Josh, I think we need to talk. I've been picking up some signals from you would like us...meaning you and I ... to be more than just friends. And I just want you to know that I don't feel the same way. I like hanging out as friends and stuff but sometimes I just feel uncomfortable because I feel as if there is this odd undercurrent of feelings just below the surface of our outings. And I'm sorry if this hurts you but I needed to get it off my chest.

Well that's not going to work...lets try this approach:

Josh, so my friend JT knows this guy who likes her and he doesn't think she knows, but she somehow found out and she doesn't feel the same way thus making it awkward for her when they hang out sometimes. What do you think, as a guy you would want her to do?

Then if he says: I'd want her to speak up and not feel awkward. Then I get to say:

So she should just tell him. What if he denys it or something? She just doesn't push the issue?

Or, if he says: He wouldn't want her to say anything and just keep it to herself. Then, I am angered, and I have to say:

Thank you for being objective. I will tell JT that. You are a good poll victim.

And in the end I guess I won't really tell him anything but at least I'll know how he feels.

~*ERY*~

Ooops! Florida

Oh my gosh. I can't believe it. I completely forgot to write about my trip to FL. I am amazed at myself, shocked, amazed, and disappointed. Well, I guess the story ought to be told now.

I went to FL the day, or was it two? either way it was close following graduation. I went down there with Nancy and Jackie along with Jackie's mom (further referred to as Ms. S for the duration of this write up) and JAckie's Nana (referred to as Nana, since that is what everyone, including my daad, calls her). Staying at Nana's condo was...well lets just say it was interesting..but I jump ahead, I forgot the plane. I don't particularly enjoy the whole 'flying experience'. It makes me mildly naustious, my head hurts, and it just isn't the same (duh) as driving. I mean sure its faster but is the headache worth it. WHatever. Well we fly down to FL and I experienced my first brushe with dum dum duuuummmm TURBULENCE. Totally not as fun as I had pictured it, all it did was make sleeping a smidge bit more difficult. We got off the plane no prb and were picked up by a limo, no lie it was sooo nice. We just sat ther and lounged, stretching out after the 3hrs spent couped up on the plane. When we arrived at the condo I finally understood what Jay had told me about the place. I t was a virtual Fort Knox. You needed a special card key to get in the gate for the parking, another card key to get into the elavator, a special code to get to your floor and then a key to open the door of teh condo itself. I mean it was nuts. But man, was it ever beautiful. You could seee the Gulf of Mexico from every window and there was a balcony and I was just a mazed by how marvelous it looked.

Well there is no need to document each and everyday, they were pretty uneventful but I will say that I stayed for 9 dyas and I read 5 1/2 books. T'was wonderful, that's all we did was read. Here is what I read and brief review.
The Eyre Affair~ **** THis was such a good book. I'm so glad I picked it up. Anyone who has read Jane Eyre (whether they liked it or not would enjoy this book) it was clever and witty and so much fun. The perfect beach read.
Lullaby (by: CHuck Pahlaniuk) ~ *** I really enjoyed this one. It hasn't become one of my favorites but I did enjoy it. I t was classic Chuck and I love him for that.
A book by Catherine Coulter (I can't remember the title) ~ ** Interesting and captivating but cliche. Nothing was spectacular and you knew the guy and the girl were gonna fall in love and get married after they solved the mystery and had sex and a couple of fights. What can I say I needed some smut.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (by: Douglas Adams) ~ *** I read this before but I needed a refresher course before diving into the rest of the series. It was good again and I enjoyed it but sometimes the author can just be so long winded that it seems like he's lost the entire point of the book itself.
THe REstuarant at the End of the Universe (Douglas Adams again) ~ ** The 2nd book in the series this one didn't wow me. It seemed like mor of a connector book than an actuall part of the series. I mean don't get me wrong it ws fun to read but I wasn't captivated like I was and am captivated by the 1st and 3rd.
Brick Lane (I didn't finish this one) ~ **** I know how do you rate a book you didn't finish right? Well I would have finished it but it got to good for me. The author had me right in this woman's shoes and I couldn't stand it. Her husband was bothering me and I just couldn't take it anymore. It was soo frustrating being with her in her life that I gave up and figured I would try again later.

And those were the books I read while on vacation in FL. Now I know that I said all we did was read but that is technically a lie. WE did go to the pier a couple nights and it was fun. THe first night we just looked around and soaked in the local color. THe scond night it was just us younglings and we had such a great time getting away from our elders. We went on a little dolphin sighting boat and met this amazing girl name Marisol. She was so fun, i wish we could have hung out more. THen we went and had dinner at this restuarant that had live music, and lucky for us we got to sit right in front of it. THe guy was amazing he just played the guitar and sang but the music was great. He played modern stuff and oler stuff and we knew most of it. It was so nice, and we could tell that he was enjoying haveing us ther sining along and laughing and such. THat was the night that I had two entres...well sorta. Nancy and I both wanted this same wrap but I decided that a club sandwich also sounded good so I got that witha side of fettucini alfredo. Jackie got a seafood pizza and it was all set. THat is until my meal came. THe side of pasta was huge, meal portion sized. SO along with my gigantic club sandwich I have this huge bowl of pasta. SInce jackie had seafood pizza we tossed a shrimp and a scallop onto my pasta and called it seafood fettucini alfredo. Oh how we laughed. It was fun and I got leftovers for once and got to have a club sandwich for lunch the next day...yum yum! THe last day we went to the pier we got our henna tattoos doe. The were amazing (and relativly cheap too). Jackie got aflower on her foot, Nancy got a design on her back and I got a design around my bellybutton, a conversation piece i like to call it. The people doing them were so nice and fun, I was so happpy we went back to get the henna.

But the pier was not the only thing we did. On our last WEd. in FL Ms. S. had had about enough of hanging with us younglings and her mother. SO she went out for the night witha buddy she knows down ther named Scott. She left we had pizza and then the four of us left all kinda went our seperate ways in the condo. JAckie went to a bedroom to talk to Joel (lovebirds), Nana went to her room to watch TV and eventually fall a sleep, Nancy stayed inside to read the DaVinci Code (she was so hooked), i went out on the balcony to sing. Nobody knows that, but it was just what I needed. I sang all of these beautiful ballads and it was marvelous. I just sang as loudly as I wanted to because a storm ws coming in and no one could hear me through their doorwalls. I needed it so much, but anyway. Ms. S. came in around 10:30 so I came in too. She sat down and here is our conversation (Red = her teal = Nancy and I)
"Hey girlies!" "Hey how was your night out?" (No we don't speak in chorus but the gist is there) "Good where is every one?" "Jackie is in the bedroom and so is Nana. You're home early...its only 10:30." "Really? you girls wanna go out and do something." "Sure, sounds good." (Okay so Nancy and I are both old enough to get into the bars but not to drink, Jackie can't even get in yet. So its just us and our friend's mom that are going out) Long pause "Okay lets go." "Really?! Alright well let us go get changed and we'll be right back out."
So after taht we proceeded to sneak out of the house leaving Jackie with orders to cover for us if Nana woke up (she doesn't like it when we all go out late, not proper ya know) and we wer off. Nancy drove, since Ms. S. had already had a bit to drink. We went to this little bar and listened to the band for about ten mins and then they were done. We met his nice lady who was probably about 25 who was intrigued by the fact that Ms. S. didn't have a gfake ID for Jackie. It was fun. She recommended we go to this place called SHephards. SO we did. It was this nightclub/bar/restuarant/hotel thing. We made our way to the night club which was so cool. But Ms. S. didn't really enjoy it so we followed her to the bar next door. THey had a live band there that was playing some oder stuf and tehy were pretty good but the night club was right next door. SO we figured ifwe were old enough to go out then we were old enough to leave her there. OS we told Ms.S. where we were going and that we'd be back in an hour to check in and then we were gone. It was so much fun. We were dancing and having a great time. Nancy even made a friend...I mean technicallly he was dancing with both of us, but it was Nancy that got invited up to the HOTEL ROOM! She didn't go but still. We had fun and danced like the sluts we are deep down inside (heehee) and then we ended up going back to Ms. S. She had also made a not wanted friend so we left and went back home to sneak into the condo. It was so much fun we jumped on Jckie to wake her up and then we talked for an hour. It was an amazingly eye-opening experience.

On the way home I had the misfortune of getting pulled out of line for a random check...this was my fourth time n a plan for goodness sake. Its okay thoug, I got out of line faster than the other people so there! On the flight back we had to awesome flight attendants, one guy who mocked the instruction giving lady and another lady who did magic for the kids. It was cool. THen we landed an d I got a splitting headache

So that is it. That at was FL and that was very long so now I'm done for a while...maybe.

~*ERY*~

Work Sucks

SO I officially dislike my job right now. COnsider this. I get no paycheck, I get paid approximatly every two to three weeks (whenever the money comes in), I do nothing all day (which rather than being relaxing turns out to be horribly annoying), and my boss (otherwise known as my DAD thinks I can't follow simple instructions. It sucks. I mean I know things could be worse but reallly I hate being here. I'm so bored and lonly most of the time, and getting dressed for work is such a pain. I don't have "office clothing" I have casual and dressy, but those don't usualy falll under office appropriate. I am tiered of gettting to the office at 8 and staying until 5 or geting here at 11:30 and staying until 6. I know now that an office job is not for me. I need to be where I can talk to people but not constantly. I am so glad that I have decided to go into researching/conservation. I'll be with peopple in my field but I won't, hopefully have to be serving them like I did when I waitresesd. I think what I'm really missing here is the formality. THis job lacks any kind of settled feling. Now that could be because its just starting off and its new but really. I'm sharing a desk and the computer doesn't allow for certain kinds of emailing and ugh! So yeah thats my griping from my office desk.

~*Ery*~

This is what I have done

This is the story of what followed after "UncontrollableExcitement". As already noted neither of us wanted to go to bed. Don't misread that statement. It does not say we weren't tired, I was but the whole sleeping thing just didn't seem appealing. The night was perfect for being outside. There were only a few clouds and those that were there were the white fluffy ones made gray by the dark, the temperature was ideal, there was a slight breeze to dispel any hint of humidity. I didn't want to go to sleep. I don't know what his excuse was but that's mine. This is the full unabridged story of our events, well, slightly abridged, I don't remember word-for-word what was said.

Well Jay got to my house around 2:15. I ended up staying inside on the couch because I knew I'd be able to see the lights of the car pull up. So I popped outside and into his car (a note early on, we were actually in his dad's SUV since his truck was in the marina...kinda sad since I do like his truck, anyway this is a thought to be kept in mind later). We do the obligatory "hi,-how-are-you?-Fine-and-yourself?"-thing and then we were off. Since my Dad made this weird "Go to this Coney Island" request I figured that we should go there first in case my dad went there to make sure I went. Why I thought my Dad would go through that much trouble to insure that I went where he wanted me to go, I don't know, but stranger things have been done in my family and there had been some drinking involved on his end. So Jay and I ended up in this hole-in-the-wall restaurant. The place has, literally, maybe 20 tables, total. Its one big smoking section and it is completely packed with drunks. Its funny of course because of all the places he could have sent us, this is the last place I would have expected. The people are doing saganaki as if there is no tomorrow, usually I would complain about the smell but something about the place covered it up, and it is raucous and their is some "Rocky"-wanna-be movie on the TV's. It had its own little flare, probably indiscernible at 3pm but at 3 in the morning places like this just take on their own light and sparkle (definitely the wrong word, in no way did that place sparkle). All I know is that I will always look fondly on that restaurant when I pass it.

When we left it was going on 3:3am. Not really knowing what to do Jay mentions that he say a golf course on his way to my house. This is a brief shortening of that conversation. Anything in red is me (pink thoughts) and blue are his words. This is not exact wording this is a generalization from memory to make the recording a bit simpler.
"Yeah, Hillcrest that's right up here. Why?" "Because we can drive on the course." (You want to drive on the course.) "Why?" "Because its fun." "Well okay, I'll show you how to get in the back way." (this is sooo not legal, weeee but it is so fun!) So we ended up on the golf course. WE broke about three laws in about 5 mins. We had to get on the course the back way which is illegal all by itself since you aren't supposed to be back there after ten. Then we actually figure out how to get around the steel cable designed to prevent lawbreakers like us and we're on the course. We have to turn off the lights so no one sees us from he road but hten we can't see so we almost run over a garbage can so we decide to just get off and find something better to do.

We end up on M97 going north. We end up at M59 and then decide that going further north is kinda silly so we turn right. And just our luck there is a train stuck across the tracks. We figure that since its 4am and we have nothing better to do we might as well wait for the train to pass. SO we are sitting there and Jay announces that he has to, ahem, use the little boys room. I tell him he should just get out and go on the side of the road but he points out that while he would there are no sufficiently dark corners. We then had the very interesting conversation (more of an instruction lecture directed towards me) on how one does a number 2 (or pees female style) in the woods. It was, interesting, to say the least. Well someone finally decides that they have been sitting for awhile and are sick of it so they try and find out what's going on with the train. They report back to the car next to us something about half and hour. We decide that 30 mins is too little of doing nothing so we illegally U-Turn and drive over part of the median and turn back south. We ended up getting stuck by the train again near my house but luckily it was moving this time. I was so excited. I got to show Jay something that was purely mine, excitement that you can only experience by standing within 10ft of a moving train. I tried explain but eventually told him that we'd just have to do it. So took off my seat belt and he followed. I jumped out of the car and stood there next to the train and just felt the power. I can't explain it but it paralleled the feeling I felt leaving the house that morning the train was finally finished, I guessed correctly, we got back in the car and drove on. We ended up going to the marina where his family keeps their boat and his jetski. He showed me where they kept the boat and then we decided to go for a swim. Now I don't know if this was mentioned but I had my suit on in case we decided to break into the community pool nearby. Anyway we found a place that looked cleanish (as clean as you can get) and not dangerous. We climbed down the rocks (and I am proud to say that I, not the boyscout, clambered down much more limber-like) An since Mr. EagleScout was being a baby because he saw a dead fish, I was the first one in. The water was suprisingly comfortable temperatured. I was walking out and he finally got in. So we're walking around in this dirty water under the stars and in my head I can't stop thinking about how beautifully romantic it could be. Then he threatened to shove e under so I went under by myself. He followed when I taunted him for being scared of the fish. WE had finally decided that it was time to go (10mins total water time) and we were walking back towards the bank(?) and I was in front of him (let me preface this by saying that this was one of my extremely high moments for the entire evening). All of a sudden he jumps me, I knew it was coming but I kinda let it happen. I was so happy. For two seconds his arms were around my waist and his entire body was on mine and we were under water and it was so short. I got up and said something sarcastic and fun at him and he respond with "I've wanted to do that for a long time." (What? We've only been in the water for 10mins. Does that mean you wanted to be closer longer? Am I making too much of this? Yeah you are Ery but could he...?) So I'm in this weird conundrum with myself and I kept walking. We got out (again I was the one who found it easier to get out using the rocks, stupid boy) and discovered that, oops bad planning we have no towels and its cold now that we're out of the water (we could huddle together for warmth...hmm?). I decide that the cami I wore is the most useless item of clothing that I have with me and I used that to dry off with. I offered it to him as I danced around in the parking lot under the streetlight. It was fun. He laughed at me but that's ok, I was enjoying the feeling of the cool morning air on my nearly bare skin and he couldn't take that from me and no one could. Well he decided that he couldn't drive all wet so he was gonna go change by this big pine tree. He warned that if I wanted a peek all I would see was a white ass and I believed him but I was too busy doing my changing to check. (Yeah right I was gonna ride around all wet, not only is that uncomfortable but its not healthy. Women have open reproductive systems ya know). So there I am changing behind the open door of the car. I drop my bottoms and decide, oh why not, I'll go commando and put my jeans on. I strip off my top and I turn my back to the open window to shrug on my hoodie when I hear him coming around to open the hatch, shit turn around quick and toss the shirt on hurry! Luckily I'm just fast enough. He sees nothing...although he was really suprised I changed, why I can't figure out, but there was surprise. He was stunned that I did it right there, "I mean there are boats with people on them right behind you." oops "Oh well if they're up this late I guess they deserve a little show, right?" I got a laugh. We put my wet suit in the cooler and figured I'd get it later. We left the marina and noticed it was just about 5 so we might as well get breakfast (this was Jay, I'm still not hungry). SO we go to Denny's since its the only place open and we order. I got pancakes figuring that by the time they got there I might be hungry enough to eat them. Well it didn't matter because right after we ordered the whole shindig fell apart. Dad called.

It was not a nice phone call. All I caught was "now." in a very angry tone of voice, he told me to fill in the blanks. Unfortunately Jay heard all of this, not that I could have concealed the message but I wish he hadn't. It was 5:30 by the time we told the waitress that we needed it to go and paid. Jay was so worried. He was so afraid that he had gotten me in trouble. I was scared too but I was occupied with reassuring him that he wasn't to blame and that helped. Left food (and suit now that I think about it) with him figuring that it wouldn't be best to tell my dad that I had just gotten food, or gone swimming in the lake. I got in the house and Dad wasn't there. He was sleeping in his room. I totally could have brought in my food and suit. I went to bed with a brief explanation to my mom who woke up when I tried to check in.

Two hours later I went to church and went home to talk to my father. I told him I was sorry for not calling or coming home. He said I just shouldn't have been out that late and that was it. No anger or explanation needed. I called Jay and told him that my parents weren't angry with him and that they didn't know about the swimming. When he asked why I explained that if I told them about swimming I would have to explain why I had my suit on, which was because we planned on doing illegal swimming and that would have had serious consequences. I'll tell them when I move out, maybe.

Well that's it. That's the whole story. I didn't do anything terrible and nothing spectacular happened between us. But all in all its one of the best experiences of my life and it'll make a pretty damn good story to tell my kids and grandkids.

Uncontrollable Excitment

EEEE!!!! So its 2:07 in the a.m. and Jay is on his way over as I type this. When we oth discovered that neither of us wanted to go to vbed he said hey lets do something and I said okay. Now, after a chat with my father on why I should be allowed to leave the house at 2:00 in the morning, he is on his way and we have time to do whatever, which will include going to a certin resaut=rant eventually but yeah whatever. He said we should hop the fence intoone of the local community pools. That would be so cool if we don't get caught. Wow I am so incredibly excited. I'm gonna sit out on my oorch in a couple minutes so he doesn't have to knock and alet my mother. This is just ...my hands are shaking this is so great. I think it is just the thrill of doiing something that I have never done before and it feels illegal even if its not and its Jay and thats just a thrill in itself since its just us two. Did I mention that I puposfully didn't tell Nancy? I think because she would have wanted to come and then I would have had to say ok and then it wouldn't be justthe two of us if her parents had even let her come out. She's going to be bitter anyway when she fids out but what the hey. I am a big girl and if ichoose to keep my crushes to myself and withhold information from one of my best friends in order to have some alone time well then I guess I've got some growing up to do...later. i feel bad, but that good kind of bad that is so exhilerating that it mkes your hair stand on end. I will have to write about what occurs later becaue I think I should get ready to go sit on the porch now! Weeee! I pray that all goes well.

These are fun!

Not what I had intended on doing but here it is:

last kiss:this past winter i think
last cigarette: Never
last good cry: I can't remember...it's been a while
last library book checked out: umm last one read was Brick Lane
last movie seen: Amelie
last book read: The Restuarant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
last cuss word uttered:shit I think or maybe hell
last beverage drank: Rasberry Passion juice
last food consumed: Pops cereal
last phone call: Mrs. Ballor
last tv show watched: Top 20 COuntdown
last shoes worn: flipflops
last cd played:Don't remember it was 10 days ago :(
last item bought: Henna tattoo
last downloaded:Can't download
last annoyance: Nana
.last soda drank: Don't drink soda
last thing handwritten: ? Can't remember
last word spoken: what kind of question is that/ I think it was thankyou
last sleep: last night
last im: Nancy
last ice cream eaten: Gelato in FL Raspberry White Chocolate
last time hugged: My mom last night when I went to bed
last chair sat in: the one I'm in now
last lipgloss used: When we went clubbing on Wed.
last shirt worn: Stage Door shirt
last time dancing: At the airport yesterday before we got on the tram
last poster looked at: none
__________________________

1 MINUTE AGO: doin this survey
1 HOUR AGO: IMing
1 DAY AGO: Sitting on a FL beach
1 WEEK AGO: Sitting on a FL beach
1 YEAR AGO: umm who knows...school

FIRSTS
First job:Banquet Server
First screen name: queenmouse1
First funeral: my grandpa's
First pet: Maggie Mae the cat
First piercing/tattoo: pierced: ears tattoo: noe except the false ones
First Kiss: December 2004
First enemy: Dimitris
First big trip: Family: Iowa Sans parents: Kalamazoo

_________________

HAVE YOU EVER:
Held Hands: yes
Hugged: yes
Kissed: yes
Drank Alcohol: yeah but not in any majr way...like one shot total
Did Drugs: just benedryl and allergy stuff
Fought:who hasn't?
Cussed:of course
Ditched:not school but swim practice...yeah
Drove: yep
Crashed: my poor Claudia!
Broke a body part:yes...ankle
_______________________________

WHO DO YOU:
Love: love is such a strong word...family, friends, romantically? no one right now
Like: Jay, and friends and family
Hate: no one hate is too strong, now strongly dislike....
Have Fun With: Jackie and Nancy
Admire: Hard question
Tell Everything To: Jackie
Have Most Memories With: GOsh I don't know

I am soooo BEHIND!

So I would write a nice long post here about everything but I can't right now because its 1:27 a.m. and I am tired and such and everyone is just going to have to deal with that.

~*ERY*~