My Decisions

So...Paul and I started having sex. Talk about a big development since the last post.

The birth control/sex thing is definitly a big development in the whole "life" experience. Especially with the whole waiting idea. But I think Paul and I reached this point where the not-doing was worse in the sense that we began to resent the other person. I think we both felt a disconnect sexually since nothing was happening with both people at the same time. It was one person got attention and what they liked and then the other person. It wasn't fair to either of us. Especially since the line we'd drawn in the sand kept getting pushed back and faded. By the time we did have sex it wasn't surprising or even a big deal. It literally just happened. We were both ok with it and then that was that. Now the question has become what birth control to use.

Lots of Love,

~*Ery*~

So, its been a month since my last post and amazingly...I still feel the same. Maybe not quite as sad as I did when I wrote that last entry. But the same feeling of hope that something is coming. There is a glowing future ahead of me that I have to just be willing to accept. Its hard.



I feel like sometimes there are forces that "get in the way" of what I want to do. But maybe, they aren't in the way. Maybe I have to stop fighting the natural progression of events. Go with the flow. It used to be my mantra on here and I think I need to get back to it. I know what is going on with my life and I know what I want. But there are things I can't control. I can't control other people. I can't control Fate, or Destiny, or whatever name you call it. I believe firmly that there is a general plan laid out for each person. Yes, you make descisions. Yes those decisions have consequences. But in the end I think that there are certain events, people, and occurences that you can't avoid. No matter what choices you make. Those things and people are meant for you.



Its a new school year now.

Reading Alone

So I'm sitting here in the kitchen tinking that its really late and I wish Paul was here. And I start thinking about how much it sucks that he doesn't want to be here with me at night and that I feel really lonely. My thoughts go to that dark place where I start doubting us and everything we have. I question it and I question myself, my friends, my family. I wonder why I am alone. Why Paul isn't knocing down brick walls to get to me. And I realied that I've been reading too much romance.

For instance, the series I just "finished" (I got to the last completed book...not sure what's next) centered around a brotherhood that were totally devoted to their women. THey would kill other men for getting too close and had incredible sex drives and wanted all the time. The love is ideal and perfect and they came together in a mix of fate and hard headed-ness that takes only days or even hours to be realized. Its unrealistic. As much as that is desirable, its not true. Its fiction. I have a man that loves me. He tells me. He would be crushed if I left for any reason, be it my will or not. And I love him. He puts a smile on my face and when I really do need him he's there. He'll hold me when I'm sad and laugh with me when I'm happy.

Sure, its not perfect. We fight and make-up, but I have to let this book version go. That all consuming love is something to take cues from, not lust after. I can want him and sow him everyday. I can be there for him and fight for him. The book can't. And one day, I think he will do the same for me. I have to stop waiting for each new day to bring about a miraculous change. Just like I'm slowly evolving and improving myself, so is he. One day, we'll be ready for each other; one day we'll be together at the same place. Even if we're only there for a moment...it will happen. That is what I have to put my trust in. The belief that one day we'll meet with the exact same amount of passion and respect. It will be a glorious moment to be hoped for again once it ends. We're human, not fiction. We'll change as the seasons do if not more rapidly.

I love Paul. And, with time, I will grow to love my own achingly slow growth towards him.

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Two Days Down

THe last couple of days I've felt a little humdrum. I think the combination of all the rainy weather this summer and the extended working hours just took a toll on me. Not to mention all the confusion with money at SUper 8 on monday. I enjoy working when its busy, but it was just out of control for like 2 hours. I was busy and everyone wanted to pay cash. Which meant that I was running back and forth and got really messed up with my cash drawer. People were patient, but I could tell they hated waiting. WHich made me feel bad. By the time my shift was done I had completely screwed up the money in the drawer and the amount that was getting dropped. I had to stay almost an hour late and I was just exhausted. Jackie called the next morning to let me know that everything had been fixed and I didn't really owe the hotel money, but it still sucked to fee like I couldn't handle it.

To top off the bad feeling from that I got behind in my dishes. Since I worked all day Monday I was too tired to do anything about them and just left the dirty water in the sink. Tuesday morning found me grumpy, tired, and not in the mood to deal with any of it. Luckily I was able to go into the Soc. office and just read my book while the computer processed stuff. I got this series from a friend when I was still at Range and I've been putting off reading it because I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not. LOVE IT! I've read 3 books in as many days and I'm so hooked. SO far I'm pretty sure I have all but one book and its the last one so I've still got time to worry about getting that one. So since I 've been feeling crummy and didn't want to do anything, completely retreated into the books.

Yesterday I finally pulled myself out of it though. Katie called and wanted to go for a walk. I looked at my kitchen and just thought: 'I can't have her see it like this'. Katie was born organized and neat and tidy and she knows that I'm trying the FLYing thing. So I just hated to have to worry about seing that look on her face that would make me feel like a failure. So I emptied the sink and stacked the dishes. It took 2 minutes but I was already feeling better about the whole thing. The walk and chit chat with Katie felt good, it got me out of my head and laughing, which I think we both needed; her because wedding stuff was getting to her, and me because I was getting to me. After the walk Paul and I went for a bike ride around the Isle. Oh. That felt so good! We rode right up close to these deer and then down this huuuuge hill (ok, so up the hill wasn't great, but one day I'll be able to do it!) then we saw the deer again. It was just what I needed to feel more alive in my skin. Paul made us both chicken salads for dinner which was perfect. I wasn't in the mood to cook and didn't even feel all that hungry, so a salad was the best thing. Plus it was way healthier than what I had planned for dinner.

To top off the good evening we went and listened to this band play. Well, it was actually just one guy...but he normally has a drummer with him. The band's name is Hozz and he was great! He does mostly covers (though I nknew one of his songs...from the radio! which was super super cool) and they were good covers. I was so excited when he did SImon and Garfunkel's 'Mrs. Robinson' and 'Faithfully' by Journey. I love that song so much. Something about it just gets me. Or maybe I get it. I don't know. Ijust something about it feels gypsy-ish and I feel that way sometimes. Like I'm just passing through on my way to the next destination.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better than I was and I'm really happy to be out of that slump. Cortney and I have plans to meet up today after work which should be a lot of fun. Have I mentioned how happy I am that we're hanging out again? Becaus eI am. I like her alot and I think stuff just got so twisted freshman year that we both needed to grow without the other person for a little while.

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Riding Down Hills

I think Paul's finally realizing that I'm making changes in our life. He's starting to put things away and I'm starting to learn how to ask him to do things. Already I don't feel resentful towards him for not helping me. Which I've found...I really like having a clean house for him to come home to. I like cooking him dinner and then serving it to him. It makes me feel like everyday I give him a little gift of my time and effort. I dont knwo that he sees it the same way, but I feel good about helping him. He doesn't always like to take my help if I just outright offer it ( I think it makes him feel weaker for some reason) but if I can help by just making things easier to find and less messy, then I'm happy for that.

Ooo! This weekend we got bikes! I'm so excited about my brand new mode of transport. WHile looking for the best price we ended up getting matching bikes in different sizes. THey are the same colors and everything. I think its really sweet that they match, kind of like a his-hers of bicycles. Paul said that we should have gotten a discount for all the ribbing we were going to take for it. Tim at the office just said it was dorky. But I'm ok with it. I still think its cute. Plus, they are in Paul's favorite color, so he can't be that upset.

Yesterday I rode the 3 miles from home to the Super 8. Man, I knew our town was hilly, butI didn't realize it was one big hill. You can't avoid the thing. I was out of breath, hot and red in the face by the time I got to work. On the upside though, it was all downhill from there. I took a road home that is just straight down until the bottom of the hill so it was super exhilirating. I felt like I was just flying firght off the ground. I loved it!! I don't have the time today (not to mention its rainy outside) to ride, but I really want to. Its the best exercise I've had in a long time. I just love love love love riding my bike!

A Return To Quizzes

I'm doing a quiz today. Because I can. Also, because I really want to try and return to a time when I talked about my feelings on here. I want to t go back to using this as amy sounding off board. My escape and my safe zone. Its an autobiography that has its ups and downs. I don't want to lose the ups in the downs and I don't want to lose the poetry in the prose. So for that reason I'm going to do a quiz. Its long, but I think it will hit on some things I may have missed. Also...the return of colored text!!

~*Layer One*~
Name: Ery, Sheep, Honey
Birthplace: Downstate
Current location: Working at the college.

~*Layer Two*~
Eye color: Blue
Hair color: Brown (Paul used to think it was red...but its not!)
Height: 5'7"
Righty or lefty: Righty
Zodiac sign: Aries
Heritage: Greek, German and Irish. More stuff mixed in as well
Your weakness: Good food, warm hugs, good smells
Your fears: Being weak, being alone forever, dying unidentified, messing something up in the future
Your ideal pizza: Sausage, mushrooms, olives, onions, green peppers and bacon
Your thoughts when you first wake up: 'Morning already...lets GO!'
Your bedtime: Midnight-1am most nights
Your most missed memory: Being surrounded by girlfriends

~*Layer Three*~
Pepsi or Coke?: Either will work if I need a cola
McDonalds or Burger King?: McDonalds, but I'm trying to cut back now
Single or Group date?: Single. There is something so special about doing something with that special someone and not having to deal with the societal constraints that work within a group
Chocolate or Vanilla?: Vanilla...unless I'm craving chocolate.
Capuccino or coffee?: Latte, please
Apples or Bananas: Apples (so many varieties)
Blue or Red: Blue
Walmart or Kmart: Don't like either really
Math or English: English. Although math is pretty good at filling time when you've got a pad and a pencil
Radio or CD: Radio ( I crave diversity)
Drawing or Painting: Painting.
High School or College: College. The freedom of choice is great. I do miss the comraderie of high school though. And the close friends.

~*Layer Four*~
Smoke: Nope
Cuss: Yeah, unfortunately. But less now than 2 years ago.
Sing: Every chance I get. I want to belt it out all day long.
Shower everyday: Well...I try. Sometimes (like today) I miss a day)
Want to get married: Yes yes yes yes yes I do
Believe in yourself: I want to say yes. I want to also say no. I'm confused about the whole thing right now. I'm scared of failure and I'm scared that I might be one, so then what?
Get motion sickness: On big boats and sometimes in cars. (I carry Dramamine everywhere to fight the feeling)
Think you are attractive: Yes (except in my bridesmaid dress...I looked large and triangular and that was not attractive)
Think you're a health freak: No, I just try to balance everything.
Get along with your parents: Yeah. More so now than when I lived at home. I think its a part of growing up
Play an instrument: No, I really want to learn the piano one day, though

~*Layer Five*~ In the last month have you:
Drank alcohol: Yup...sometimes that happens when you're old enough
Done a drug: Nothing illegal
Had sex: Depends on the definition. Intercourse, no. Other sexual acts...yes. Damn, am I ever annoyed by this whole situation. I want to. I don't want to. We're not, but just barely. Why? I don't even know anymore.
Made out: YEs, but not for nearly long enough. If I could have a good 20 minute kissing session...man oh man I'd be a happy camper.
Gone on a date: Yup!
Gone to the mall: Oh yeah. I love Green Bay, and their mall.
Eaten an entire box of oreos: Nope. Still haven't seen a box of oreos.
Been dumped: No, thank God. Although the way I've been treating him its lucky I haven't. I don't know what gets into me sometimes. Its like a bug crawls up my tush and just begs me to fight.
Gone skating: No, but maybe I will today after dinner.
Made Homemade cookies: I've been thinking about it. Does that count?
Gone skinnydipping: No :( I really want to get in the damn lake.
Dyed your hair: No. I'm putting highlights in right before my trip downstate though. I'm going to look so cute when I go home!

~*Layer Six*~ Have you evers:
Played a game that required you take off clothes: Yes. Not a proud moment, but I'm hiding under the "I was young and foolish" argument
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Haha. Yessir. Often.
Been caught "doing something": OH jeez. Yes. Lock doors. I'll remember to lock doors for the rest of my life thanks to Cortney, Marc and that stupid movie.
Said "I love you" to someone: Yes, everyday I say it, mean it, and try to show it.
Danced naked: I love dancing. I love being naked. I love doing them together.
Dreamed something really crazy: Who hasn't? Actually my dreams have been quiet for a little while now.
Stalked someone: No.

~*Layer Seven*~
Age you hope to be married: 25? I'm scared of mputting my life on hold. I want to be married. I want to be married sooner rather than later but I don't want to rush into something neither of us is ready for. I want to get married because it's the next logical step. I feel ready to take that leap and I hate that the drone of parents and guidance counsleors and other people say we're too young. This wait till you're older stuff doesn't make sense to me. Wait for what? We're growing together now. We're learning about life together now. Isn't that marriage? Isn't marriage growing up and learning together? Its about life and I want to promote that life. But. What if it really isn't the right time? Will we ever even know? Why wait then? Why not jump in with both feet like we did when we met?
Names and number of children: 2-5 kids. I love kids.
Describe your dream wedding: I want a long white dress with a full skirt. I want a veil and I want a church. Lots of family and friends around for the ceremony and reception afterwards. I wantdelicious food and a great DJ. I want laughter and kisses all night. Tears from the mothers. And I want to walk to Paul at the end of that aisle and at the end of the night and say "I do" to each and every one of those traditional wedding vows.
How do you want to die: Loved
Where do you want to go to college: ALready here.
What do you want to be when you grow up?: A conference coordinator. This is for the big kind of grown up. I dont' think I'll be doing thisuntil my 30's possibly 40's. Sooner would be better. But I can wait.
What country would you most like to visit: Russia, Finland, Greece, France, Thailand

~*Layer Eight*~
Last person who fell asleep in your bed: Me and Paul
Last who saw you cry: Paul
Last person who made you cry: Paul/myself
Last person who spent the night at your house: Brandon I think
Last person you shared a drink with: I wanna say it was Cortney with that mai tai
Last person you went to the movies with: Paul, Ku'u, Brandon...these other two girls whose names I can't remember
Last person you went to the mall with: Katie (oh did we shop)
Last person who yelled at you: Ermmm...I can't remember. Paul doesn't usually yell he just raises his voice a bit. Not a full yell though. Ummm...maybe Katie? I really don't know.
Last times you went out of state:

~*Layer Ten*~
Things you like in a guy: A sense of humor, confidence, the ability to take charge (of me, a situation, a room...that power is just hot), the ability to have fun despite what is manly or masculine or whatever, an easy smile, a good relationship to family, a love/appreciation of small cute things (babies, puppies, etc.), the ability to understand me...even when I don't make sense, the desire to fix things (even when its hard to do)
What book are you reading now: "No Humans Involved" by Kelly Armstrong
What is on your mouse pad: A calendar blotter
Favorite magazine: Cosmo? I don't read magazines very often, but if I am its usually that one.
Favorite sound: Water on the beach, Paul's voice, a really strong piece of music (big notes, good rhythm, good vocals and lots of emotions), children laughing and playing.
Worst feeling in the world: Feeling completely alone and isolated...especially if you are with people. I hate this feeling. I feel it way too often and I hate it.
How many rings before you answer: AS few as possible. I don't like waiting on the phone and I don't want others to have to either.
If you could have any job you wanted what would it be: I'd be singing professionally somewhere, but I don't have the money, the ambition or the strength to take that route.
What are you going to do when you finish this survey: probably write up another entry to try and get some stuff off my chest. That merde-y feeling is back and I don't like it.

Shopping!!

In my excitement over my leg hair anddriving details I completely forgot about my mini-vacation last Thursday.

Katie and I had to go pick up my bridesmaid's dress at David's Bridal on Thursday and since the store is a whopping 4 hours away we made a day of it. We got to the store around 11:30am and then spent the next few hours hitting up stores they don't have at home. I got the cutest top and bracelet at Maurices (ok, we do have one of these...but the one in the city was bigger). Even though I way overpaid on the bracelet I didn't care. It was a shopping day!! Then I made a huge steal at Victoria's Secret. Like, 2 pairs of panites and a lingerie set for...under$20. Oh yeah, I totally made up for the poor bargain shopping at Maurices. Let's see...then we found the Mecca and Jerusalem of shoe stores. The Aldo Sale Store. *Golden light from above shines down* All kinds of top brand shoes at seriously discounted prices. I got shoes and two bags. YEA! Wet Seal was next where the cutest jean skirt in history was purchased along with a maxi dress. WHy are they called that? It makes me think of maxi pads...anyway. That was the last purchase (tears) but I'm not too sad because it meant we were ready for Hu Hot dinner!

Ok. That whole paragraph reads like a consumerists dream, but really it was girl time. We had a whole day to chit chat and just have some fun. We tried on way more than we bought and trully enjoyed ourselves. Plus, I did just make a big Salvation Army donation..so I was looking for some clothes (and now I've got more things I can donate since I updated them on Thursday)

All in all it was a really fun escape from the everyday. I could have done without the fog on the way home, but even that couldn't dampen (heehee) my spirits too much.

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

My Stems...and Other Happenings

An update on my stem de-hairing. Veet is pretty nifty stuff! As promised on their website my hair didn't feel prickly the next day. In fact, yesterday was the first day I felt really any hair. And its surprisingly already longish. It got past the poke-y part to go straight to the long soft spot, its aMAZing!

I wonder...can I use it in other places (armits, bikini line)? It doesn't say not to...hmmm.

Other Happenings

Today I start my two weeks of Tina free office work. Its both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I don't have to deal with her mood swings and lack of pregnancy woes. A curse, because I don't have anything to do and can't halep anyone due to the fact that Tina keeps everything of office importance to herself. I get all the gossip and what not that I could hope for, but nothing of office value. No real responsibilities. I'm not sure why, but I think it could be that she doesn't want to let go of the control she has over things. Which is fine...until she isn't here to be the brains of the operation. Ah well, I suppose I might try and tidy her desk a bit. AS a surprise for when she gets back.

I'm flutter-FLYing again. I fell off the band wagon for a little bit. I think the babysteps were just a bit to slow. I mean, I get the point, but sometimes you just gotta jump in there I think. So that's what I did this time. I'm only doing the things I know I can handle, but I'm jumping right in. Skipped the whole post-it note thing this time and went straight for the Control Journal. My post-its just seemed angry at me and made me guilty. The Journal is a better system (I don't know why, it just works that way!) I'm swish and swiping my bathrooms clean and its a great feeling. I get happy everytime I'm in the bathroom!

Ohh! I'm also gearing up for my semi-annual trip to the parent's house on Aug. 1st. Paul is coming with me which is the first time in over a year that he'll be home with me. Everyone is so excited to see/meet him. Its funny, I say I'm coming and everyone goes "Is Paul coming?" I'm clearly loved. Ah well. I've got all kinds of fun stuff in the works. Here is a look at my starter schedule:
7/31: Drive 8 hours to get home at midnight. This would require some schedule changes at work but would result in a whole extra day with the family instead of a day wasted in the car. Granted, we could always leave reeeeeaaaaally early on Friday (Like at 5am and then we'd still make it to my parent's house by...1pm. Hmm if we left at 4am that arrival time could be noon and we'd miss evening traffic on a Friday and have the majority of a day left. Plus I wouldn't be skimping on the job situation. This plan could be a possibility. With 2 drivers it just might work. Plus if one of us is sleeping half the time it wouldn't seem nearly so long of a drive.... I like it.)
8/1: Spend the day seeing people in town and helping mom eliminate stress pre-party.
8/2: Continue to help get everything ready for Devynn's grad party, then whoop it up in her honor with family, old and new friends.
8/3 - 8/6: Assorted fun activities, including...but not limited to --> a double date with Devynn and Charles, a mother-daughter girls night out with Jackie, Nancy, Jen, myself and our mothers, and baby-sightings of the choir girls (aka new mommy Becca and new mommy-to-be Elisabeth).
8/7: Drive back up north for a restful evening at home before work the next day.

I'm really kind of liking that early early start idea. I'll have to discuss it with Paul, but I think it would be awesome. I mean, we'd spend the first few hours on back roads up north so no traffic and probably very few cops. Lets see...at 7pm we be...still pretty far north so no rush hour traffic in the city. Ooo this could be awesome! And if we packed the car before we left, all we'd have to do would be to stumble out to the car at 4am. The driver could grab some caffeine and breakfast while the other person cashed out in the backseat. Switch out 4 hours later and everyone would get plenty of sleep. So excited to tell Paul!!

ALright. WIth that excitement and flurry of planning, I'm gonna sign off. I think I've got some menu planning and shopping lists to make up.

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Hair Removal

Oh hair removal, why must you be so burdensome?

In my last post I stated that I was going to try sugaring for the first time. Which I did...with little success. So, since I was on a "different-than-shaving" hair removal kind of mood I tried Veet. A little better. I will share both experiences. I tried both on my lower legs (just under my knees)

Sugaring

(First some history) Sugaring is a practice that originated in the middle east. It is similar to waxing, in that the hair is pulled from the body by the root (rather than cut or dissolved at skin layer). This in turn allows the area to be smooth and hair-free for 3-4 weeks (depending on personal hair growth rates). In contrast to wax, sugaring is traditionally used without strips, rather it is a thicker, putty-like substance that is spread with the hand (heated with body heat) and then pulled off with the hand. It is also a substance that can be made at home, rather than purchased. The recipe I used was 2 C. sugar, 1/4 C. lime juice, and 1/4 C. water. THis are mixed in a pan then heated to the "soft-ball" stage of candy making after reaching this stage it is cooled and then used in the method I described above.

I think...this is where I went wrong. I don't think my sugar mixture ever got to the right stage. It was the right color (amber brown), but when I dropped some into water it just sort of formed a thin sheet of sugar-stuff. But I was impatient and cooled it at that point anyway. Two days later, after it had obviously cooled I realized that it was no where near thick enough to act as its own pulling mechanism. As soon as I spread some on my legs it turned into a liquid-y mess, that was content to stay where I put it.So I went to the bathroom, washed my leg off (the joy of sugaring is that its water soluble...easily washed with water) and thought about what to do. I figured that since it was pretty liquid-y I could just heat it in the microwave for a bit then use it like a wax, with strips. I had an old white sheet that I was using as a drip mat anyway so I cut that up into the strips needed and got to work.

OW! In all of the websites that I browsed, trying to find one about the pain associated, the onlty thingI came across was that it was less painful than waxing. Well waxing must have a good deal of pain involved because this stuff hurt! It was kind of a sharp burst (kind of like if you spill hot coffee on yourself) but then it just went to a small, dull ache for a second then turned red and abused looking. So I guess it wasn't horrible...but bad enough that after the first one I went "Wow...ok... I can't imagine that near my bikini line" Unfortunatly, despite the pain of the yank, only about half the hair came out. THinking this was just because it was my first try AI tried about 10 more. Same thing. 2 of 10 came back with all the hair gone... 20% accuracy, not so good. Plus my leg was read and felt al ittle bumpy. I put aloe lotion on it and tried not to rub them against anything and went to bed. The next day I noticed that the 2 spots where allt he hair came off look really nice, and were quite smooth. My legs werent' red anymore and even though they had hurt the day before, it was all gone by morning. I dumped my homemade sugaring stuff, and I think in a few weeks I'm gonna try a store bought wax and see if that goes better. I've gotta wait for all the hair to grow back first though. I never understood thatabout waxing. You get 3 weeks of blissfully smooth legs, but have to wait through 2 weeks to get hair long enough to wax again.

Veet

Veet is a dipilatory. It dissolves the surface hair and is then washed or "shaved" away. On their website Veet has a video f the procedure and the explanation of why its better than shaving. Apparently it makes the hair rounded instead of sharp like shaving, thus making the "prickles" that grow back seem less prickley. We'll see.

I followed the instructions on the bottle and put the gel cream on my legs (since they are now weirdly patch-y with hair after the sugaring) then waited about 4 minutes. It said three...but after the sugaring thing I decided that my hair is stubborn and needs some persuasion to be separated from me.

I started using the little thing shapped like a razor to remove the cream. It was nice to not have to worry about cutting myself, also I got to do it next to the sink so I was a lot studier (with my foot on the toilet instead of balanced on a tiny ledge in the bathroom. I started to feel a tiny burn start up so I finished quickly and hopped in the shower and rinsed off the residual. My legs felt super smooth. Like, the best shave of my lfe smooth. A little bit of hair is left (near my right ankle) But its not noticeable and I think it can be chalked up to human error. I really liked this. Granted it is a little pricey (about $7 per kit) but if it lasts longer than shaving, I could be converted. I do wonder about using this near my bikini line and underarms. THe box and website don't say not to, but it doesn't say it can be used there either. I guess I'll just have to guinea pig it!


Well that was long. Hope this helps anyone who comes across it (or at the least, helps me remember what happened)

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Sunny Day

Its gorgeous out!! THe sun is shining there is a light breeze and its warm! Lucky for me all I have to do today is work 12 hours (hmm sarcasm much?). On the upside I do get to buy a pair of cute shoes and make yummy dinner. I'm happy.

I planned a week's menu last night. It was hard to get into, but in the end I found that it really helped with grocery shopping. I didn't buy anything I didn't need (although I forgot rice, so I'll have to substitute a different starch). Plus I've already thought of starches and veggies to go with each dinner. Most will have leftovers for work the next day and I even planned meals for when Paul is gone to camp. This way, I can eat the stuff I like, without making him feel like he has to eat a PB&J sandwich for dinner.

So I decided that the easiest way for me to do some of the FLYlady stuff was to do the babysteps as proscribed and then add in a couple more. Like the menu planning. I don't even know when that would start happening, but it sounded fun. Why not do something fun? I mean, if its enjoyable it can't be work, right? Hopefully that logic holds.

Ooo! Yesterday I found a recipe for a watermelon gazpacho, and I am so excited to try it out! It has watermelon, cucumbers peppers and shallots in it. I think it'l;l be really really good. Plus it go awesome reviews online. I might try it next week when Paul comes home. I also want to try the summer gratin recipe out on Paul. It was really good in class so I think he might eat it.

Hmm, not much else going on. I have my first day on the job all by myself today. I'm really excited/nervous. I hope nothing goes wrong. I figure if I just do what I'm supposed to do then I should be just fine! On that note, I'm gonna go back to imaginary shoe shopping (you know, the shopping you do for fancy shoes you can't afford)

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

P.S. My sunburn didn't peel!! Oh! And tomorrow I'm gonna try sugaring. More on that to come later.

Sunburns

Gah! WHy does it take me months (literally) to post in this thing!?! Quick points to list off and describe.

1. I'm sunburned.

Why is it that I am sunburned? I'll tell you. Because silly me thought "Its really nice out. I'll go to beach for a littl ebit. Since I can only be there 1 hour, sunscreen will be unnecessary" Cut to me all sunburned on my back. Dumb. But the beach was absolutely wonderful! THe sun was shining, there was a warm, gentle breeze blowing, and the water was just lapping at the sand. Perfect. Unfortunately the water is also freeeeezing. Since we had such a long winter (snow until April, frost warnings until late May) the water hasn't had a chance to warm up at all. Normally by the end of June I'm in the lake swimming around. Not this year. So far I've made it about 4 steps out (up to my knees) and then my feet get so cold they start to hurt and I have to run back to shore feeling like an idiot for even trying.

2. My official summer is finally about to begin.

Yup yup. I have a test today in Intro to Film and then I am officially off scott-free. THank God. I love both of my classes this summer, but sometimes you just need a break. Also, I think the schedule of classes is enough to wear a person out. I mean, for a job you just go in for a spcific amount of time then go home. Classes start and stop with weird little intervals between them. Not enough time to get much done, but just enough time that you don't feel like staying on campus.

3. A quick note about FLYing.

I'm...still barely fluttering. My downstairs is neater (read: less cluttered) but I've pooped out on the babysteps. I got caught up in all the other stuff that I have to do, that I stopped doing them. Especially my morning routine. I liked it, I just stopped doing it. I'm not sure why, I just did. *Shrug* I think I'll just keep trying an eventually I'll get it. Maybe a calendar would help. DOn't know. I'm gonna start back up today though. I think I'll do part of my home blessing (its hard for me to do a whole hour at a times, so I've been splitting it up throughout the week.) I did clean up my dresser though. All by myself. It took 5 minutes to get the top looking more presentable, and I think if I do it again today I might even get it cleared off completely. Then I can re decorate it so it brings joy into the room when I look at it...YEA!!

4. I got a job at Super 8 as a front desk clerk!

Its so exciting because this is the first job that actually goes with my future plans towards a career. A bit of background info on "the 8" THe owner/manager/ is Jackie and she is super (pardon the pun) nice. SHe does all the scheduling herself, but gives us the fredom to switch shifts if needed. Matt is the first guy I worked with. He is a huge slacker and does just enough to not get himself fired, and that is it. He's really nice, but I can tell that he just doesn't care. DUstin, is the other guy I worked with. REally nice and motivated enough to care about what happens. He showed me all kinds of cool things on the computer and plus he's a huge food lover! Yea! His girlfriend, Armonda is really sweet too. She has this teeny tiny soft voice but she's absolutely hilarious. Paula is the girl whose place I'm taking (woot woot, for someone else calling her back!) The housekeepers seem nice, buts its definitly something I don't ever want to do. Ummm.... that's it on that front

5. Paul still hasn't seen anyone.

I don't want to nag him, but I still get worried that he doesn't have anyone to talk to. I mean, he could talk to me, but he doesn't want to. I worry that he's back to just hiding it away again because he seems more withdrawn. He's fallen back on old habits like not talking to me about work unless I expressly ask him and he's been really reticent about everything. Grr. Everything was getting so much better. Katie said something to me yesterday about how I might be resenting the time he spends bowling and golfing because I don't think he spends enough quality time with me. I hate to admit it...but I think she's right. I don't feel like he wants to do fun activities with me that are fun for both of us. He'd rather do fun things with his friends and then just watch t.v. with me. I enjoy watching telvision, but if that's the only thing we can do with each other, why bother? I can watch t.v. alone, I don't need a friend to do it with. I need a friend who will go try new things and do old activites with. I hate when I have to bring these things up. I feel like such a bitch. But I love him, and don't want to lose him over silly problems.

I wish I had more to talk about, but life has just kind of been cruising along lately. Nothing special happening or changing. Hopefully I'll get home in August this year. It kind of depends if the overage check comes through. I hate financial aid. Get this, over 8K has been put towards my account...and yet they haven't given me word of my overage. Even though I already paid for last year which is the year the financial aid was for. Stupid school.

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Post-its

Babystep #4 - Write these things down on post-its ("these things" = baby steps #1 -3)

This was...easy? I'm not ahuge fan of writing things down to remind myself. I don't know why. I think it might be because if I see the note but don't do it I feel guilty. However, I did write the notes and have been doing the things on them so no guilt yet.

Today's babystep (#5) is to write down the negative things that my head tells me. Then, turn the bad thing into a good thing and re-write that down. I've been pretty positive so far today. I'm not a very negative person in general and I usually talk myself out of the mean things I say. So I'm gona try to do this one for the next couple of days just to get an accurate list of mean things I tell myself. Its funny that this is part of a cleaning/organizing program. I mean, how little must we think of ourselves that in order to clean a house you have to do self-affirmations?

It speaks to our society and all the horrible things it instills. You're not good enough, pretty enough, clean enough, etc. I know in the past I've gotten myself to the point of tears just because I am so depressed about the state of my house. I fin myself depressed and beaten down my my own thoughts so much that I can't get myself to clean, do homework or in any be productive. And in this way my mind would tell me how useess I was being. It's a horrible cycle. I'm glad FLYlady recognized it as a problem. This is just another reason I'm really excited about this. It's not just about cleaning. Its about owning yourself and loving you as you are.

I did my first home blessing today! Essentially it's an hour of cleaning or "blessing". You spend 10 minutes (or less) on a variety of different tasks to keep the house clean. So today I vacuumed, dusted, mopped, emptied the trash, wiped down the doors, polished the mirrors, shook out the rugs (entrances and bathrooms). And it only took me an hour. The key was to stop at 10 minutes and not be a perfectionist about it. Anything missed or in the corners would be cleaned another scheduled time. Easy. And the house looks good! It smells good! I havea shiny sink!

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Babystep #3

Well today's babystep was even easier than the first two. All I had to do was do the first two again. No prob. I almost forgot mysocks, but remembered when i hit the cold kitchen floor. Brrr!

So today was fun. Since I went to bed at 11 last night I was awake nice and early (9am). So I did babystep #3 and got downstairs and had some breakfast. After that I was just antsy since I didn't do much of anything on Friday. So I im'd Mya and Kayleigh for some fun outside.

We decided on a hike, which was great! We went to this river near town and just follwed the path. It was the perfect day for hiking, warm enough for short sleeves, but not too warm that wearing jeans (a must during tick season...ew) was uncomfortable. We saw at least 3 falls and were able to walk down near the bottom and feel the spray...aaaamaaazing! I love water. Its so powerful. Expecially when its moving like that. I mean this stuff was just chuggin' along. I can't wait until the lake water warms up just a tad more so I can go swimming again. That's a ways off though yet since it's been so darn chilly lately. Ugh, I can't wait for summer to get here.

In other news:
1) I went whitewater rafting. See above notes about loving water + getting tossed out of a boat and going down a falls on my but = awesome!
2) I lost my cell phone, and guess who has no insurance...me! This is a sucky thing no matter how I spin it. I'll have to extende my plan, lus pay a bunch for a phone and yada yada yada.
3) I'm taking my first summer classes. Pro Cook II and Intro to Film. Both are awesome, with awesome profs. I've had both professors before and they are awesome. Deb I had for Cook I. Austin was my professor way back when I was a freshman for Mythology. Its hard to believe, but its the summer before my senior year at college..eee! Anyway, I'm uber stoked for both of them.
4) Paul and I are happy. We had a fight on our rafting trip that resulted in me telling him that he needed to look into getting some professional help about his "talking/opening up" issues. It kills me that he would rather push all the bad feelings about whatever he's in the middle of, down into himself. I know its not healthy. I also know that I just cause him to feel them more often than he would like. So far he hasn't even looked into it, but eventually. I don't want to nag...but I'm getting fed up with being shut out. He either talks to me, or he talks to someone else, but he's gotta talk to someone.

Well that's my life in a nutshell right now. Daily updates to come!

Lots of Love,
~*ery*~

FLYing

Yesterday I started turning a page in my life. It all started with giving my kitchen sink a good shine.

Lately quite a few things have changed in my life. I'm down to one job for the first time in 2 years. I'm expecting a large overage check to come to me from the school (that will be used for bills). I've found that I have large amounts of time in my day that need to be filled up with doing something besides watching T.V. Which leads me to turning a page.

Since I have tons of time and tons of mess in my house I decided that the thing to do with my time is to really get organized and clean up my act. It's time to stop lying to myself about the house-cleaning. I've got to do it. I'm not upset about that. I've got time and I've got the ability. The only problem was that I didn't know where to start. The daunting thing about organizing a one bedroom, one and ahalf bath apartment is that I have no idea where to start. I mean, the kitchen is filthy. The dining area is cluttered. The living room is cluttered and as efficient as I can make it. The bedroom is disorganized and covered with clothes. And then the internet saved me! Yesterday I found this site.

It's a site about decluttering and cleaning the house. Which sounds kind of silly on its own, but I need the help. FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. Its cheesy. I love it. I feel like crap everytime I see the inside of my apartment. It's messy. I'm better than that. So I joined the site and am taking my first baby steps towards really loving myself and the home that I'm making. Its all about making a routine one day and one step at a time. I intend to make this a part of that experience. I need to have a place to let all my good and bad feelings about the routine. I always forget how easy this is when you've got something to talk about (or even when you don't)

So the page turning started last night around 11:30 with my sink.

Babystep #1 - Go Shine your Sink.

I've never felt so good about a sink my life. I bleached it (now it is draining better than ever!) and then scrubbed with baking powder (who knew!) then windex it and finished it off with a tiny bit of olive oil. It was so clean and shiny. I almost took a picture of it! Now all I have to do is wipe it out after I use it. Easy. And I felt so good this morning when I came downstairs and saw the clean sink that I did. There were dirty dishes everywhere and the garbage smelled, but the sink was clean! Such a little thing really did make me feel good.

Baby Step #2 - "Get Dressed to Lace up Shoes"

This is easier than the sink business. I got up, got in the shower and got dressed. I didn't sit around in jammies for hours. I'm completely ready to go. Socks and everything. I even put a little make-up on and did my hair. All before I did anything. Then I came downstairs and saw that sink. It was GREAT! I've already accomplished so much and its only the 2nd day. I was inspired. I made myself eggs for breakfast (with toast and jelly!).

Then I did some of the dishes. Except I only spent 15 minutes on them. Then I took a break. Then I spent another 15 minutes taking out all the garbages. Nice and de-cluttered.

Well this wasn't the most interesting of posts, but hopefully they'll get a little shorter as I do one each day. I'm so excited to see what Babystep #3 is!

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~

Dinner!

So I've decided that it is silly for me to continually make and eat food straight out of a box with only one ingredient added. I mean, I know how to cook, and I'm a decent hand at it too. I want some good home made gravys and stuff, and I can do it! So this week is the experimental week. I found recipes for dinner every night this wek and created my shopping list off of them. I have so far managed to make chicken stew (more on that to follow) and homemade macaroni and cheese. I'm quite proud.

So the chicken stew was originally chicken and dumplings. Unfortunately I messed up the dumplings/they tasted like flour. So I took them out. Well I was trying so hard to get my gallon of chicken broth to reduce/thicken up that the chicken started just falling apart. And that is what is holding everything together in a stew like consistency. Everything tastes really good though. Woot!

I just finished the mac and cheese. This has been my first try with not out of the box stuff and I'm still not impressed. The thing I dislike about baked mac and cheese is that it gets dry in the oven. I think if I add some cream and bit more butter it might come out the way I like it. I think its a personal preference, but I like it to ooze when I cut into it.

Tomorrow I'm making Bacon Cheeseburger Meatloaf. I really hope it will turn out ok. Paul didn't really like the chicken stew too much ("the texture is funny" oy, its just chicken!) and he hasn't tried the mac and cheese yet, but I have a feeling he won't like that either. I'm trying really hard to find things I think he might like, and he finds reasons to not really liiek the things I come up with. Its a tad frustrating. Some of the problem might be that I really like a variety of things and he's pretty particular. He's a momma's boy and likes what she makes. Personally I think she's pretty good too, but I also know there is so much more out there as far as foods go. Why close out all those other amazing food options because its isn't something you've had a thousand times before?

Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~