Chocolate Chip Cookies

Yummm. I do love chewy chocolate chip cookies. And alliteration apparently. Ok, I'm done now. I find it amusing that I seem to write so much in the summer. I suppose its the lack of anything better to do that makes me do it. I do love writing though. Its calming actually.

Hmmm. Sitting here in the gathering dusk, waiting for...I'm not sure what I'm waiting for actually. I think its for someone to ask me to do sometihng. I'm bored out of my mind here. There is so little for me to do since a good portion of my friends have left. I'm trying to learn some independance, but its hard when I can't get anywhere except on rollerblades...and let me tell you, hills are not a rollerblader's friend. Plus I'm younger than most people up here. I suppose because its a college town and most people go home their first year to school. I don't know though, going home just felt as if I'd be caged, not living to my full potential. Here at least, I have to rely on myself for everything...ok Paul helps out sometimes like when we go out to eat and stuff I don't pay...but outside of that, I'm alone in my expenses. And wow can it ever pile up! Ah well, I'm on a strange tangent, I think, I really don't know what I'm talking about anymore, I'm sort of just typing and seeing what comes out.

Paul stayed over last night. It made me so happy this morning. I mean, we frequently stay in each other's homes during weekends. But this morning I had to get up and go to work. And even though he was leaving when I left, he didn't have to get up and shower like I did, so when I came back to my room, there he was sound asleep. And it was perhaps the purest happy feeling I've had in a long time. Because there he was. The man I love so much. And he had stayed the night to get up early with me the next morning, knowing that we wouldn't have time to cuddle during the morning hours, but he stayed just to be with me. I have this feeling, deep deep down, that I ponder only for brief seconds and at the strangest times so I don't jinx it. But here I shall display it. Even now as I type this my breath quickens with the thought of laying out my secret. What if this spells disaster? What if my putting it into words defies its coming into existance?

I think I could spend my life with this man. The joy I feel in his arms, the relief of seeing him after a long day, the longing just to hear his voice at the end of the telephone, and the feeling that I would sacrifice so much to be with him, makes be feel this way. I want to tell him, and I know that he would welcome it, but the romantic inside me says 'wait, and let him come to you'. I don't have a fear of waiting to long, because I know that he will be there till I'm ready to say what needs saying.

He worries me though sometimes. His brother has had a steady girlfriend for 3 years now. And Paul has this thing in his head that Todd (his brother) should get married first, or rather, will get married first. And that bothers me. Because I want to say: Why do we depend on them? I'm not saying lets run off to Vegas and get hitched tonight or anything, but I am saying that I don't want to wait for someone else to tie the knot so that I can too. Perhaps it will come up in a later discussion. I'm not overly worried, or bothered by it, just thought I'd get it "down on paper" so to speak.

Hmm, I hope it starts getting warm soon, I'm quickly becomeing annoyed with the early spirng like temperatures. Oh sweet usmmer come shine upon me! And bring me more chocolate chip cookies, at the rate I'm going I'll need more soon!

~*Ery*~