A Wedding and Longings

Yea! I went home this weekend. Actually it wasn't as eventful as I thought. I mean I got home and went right over to Mark's appartment with Jen and Meghan. Which was good, but we are definitly on different pages of our lives and in different places. I mean they were doing the whole secret drink thing and my parents have heard about what I've done and they know that I'm careful. They are still trying to break free of their parents hold on their lives while my parents are like, you're incollege, do your thing. And I'm so happy thats how its happened. I am so happy with how my life is going right now. I feel as if I am trully on my way to finding my true self. Despite there always being little bumps in the road I'm traveling just fine right now...Alright now that I've jinxed myself.

On Saturday morning Nancy, Mrs. Jackie's Mom, and I went to see Jay's lacrosse game. Alright so we didn't really go to see him. It was more that we wanted to see Mrs. Jackie's Mom and Jay's parents...he just happened to be the reason we got together. Well after the game his parents invited us to lunch (like normal, they clearly don't know anything about what happened). It wasn't until we go tthrough with lunch and were back in the car that I realized that Jay never once asked how Nancy and I were, or haow my drive was, or even said that it was good to see us. Sure we all hugged when we left, must keep up appearances you know, but he never once offered up anyconversation towards us. Even afte I specifically asked him how he was doing, he didn't follow with the traditional response of: and yourself? and that bothered me, a lot. Not becasue its not lik eit used to be, but because those are common courtesies that you extend to someone you have just met, not even necesarrily someone youare great friends with. I just wish that at least him and myself could have ahad a bit of a conversation, especially sinc EI told him I was willing to start over. But I guess he really doesn't care. He's come to believe that he's lost us, or wanted to lose us or something, and so I'm done thinking about it. He can pick up pieces, I'm done trying.

Saturday night I went to my cousin Kathy's wedding. It was beautiful. She looked so happy and pretty and perfect. Her new husband is such a great guy too. He had been a part of our family for almost as long as they've been dating and we all love him to death. The wedding itself was rather short and I didn't like it much. It was a Baptist ceremony which basically does all the stuff you need to do and then thats it. Very short, brief, and to the point. Which is nice I guess, but something was lost for me in the directness. After the ceremony we went back home and then to my grandparents' house. At my their house we said hello to my grandma, an dit was so sad. She has Alzheimer's and its really starting to get bad. She basically has the mind of a small child, for example, she was so amazed and made happy my and umbrella opening, she thought it was the most amazing thing she had ever seen. It was funny and pathetic at the same time. Back to a happier thing though, we went to the reception and had dinner. Oh man I love my family so much. They have such a unique sense of humor. Dancing was fun. I danced with my dad and my uncle Pete and my cousin Claire and I waltzed. It was quite amusing.

Afterwards I went home and called Paul. I needed to hear his voice so much. It was so hard sitting out all those slow love songs and seeing all the people so in love and knowing that the one person I'd love to spend that evening with was ten hours away. Just hearing his voice made it better and worse all at the same time. He said that his roommate was gone, and I was practically kicking myself, because I could have gone up there this weekend and been with him. But the distance is good for us. It allows us to have more than a physical relationship. Because once he gets here all I can do is touch him, all the time that I can, and he's the same way. I miss him so so so so so much though. Its hard being so far away right now. I felt he distance so much when I was home. I just wanted to get back to school where I was closer to him. I was so happy when we rounded the coner that allows you to see the city from the road, it was ll lit up and gorgeous, and my first thought, was ahhhh I'm back, I can see him. I don't even know what it is specifically that gets me about him...I shall list and see if that helps. He's funny, smart, happy, attentive, caring, not whiny, loving, kind, tall, handsome...blah I feel lik eI'm describing a saint. He has low points I guess too, he ummm ummm ok i'm thinking really hard and I've got nothing right now. Maybe thats jus thow its supposed to be, I'll stop looking for faults and enjoy the good.

Well Sunday wasn't that fun so I won't bother telling that story. I got home. And now I'm happy and enjoying being back in "kidnapping range"

~*Ery*~

P.S. I'm dating a lumberjack named Paul Bunyan and he carts me aroundon his big blue ox named Babe. Heehee A joke created by my mother and cousin Jay (I know, confusing) How it all went down was that I told my mother as we walked into the wedding reception that Paul's father owned a sawmill.
Mom: Oh he's a lumberjack?
Jay: Who's a lumber jack?
Mom: Ery's boyfriend...oooo and guess what his name is.
Jay: What's his name...It'd be great if it was
Mom and Jay (simoltaneously): Paul
Jay: Like Paul Bunyan?!
Me: Yes, like Paul Bunyan.

And so it went throughout the night. I would go up to see someone and my mom would tell them to ask what my boyfriend did and what his name was. Eveyone of my aunts and uncles immediately said "Like Paul Bunyan!?" I was amused and resigned all at the same time. So I got home and I said to Paul: " My whole family thinks you are a lumberjack." ANd he said...and I qoute directly here: "Well I am, honey." At about that point I started to laugh and gave up the resistance altogether. He found the rest of the story quite amusing I must say. I am dating Paul Bunyan and thats all there is.