If I could be...

I stole this fro someone elses blog... http://spuriousplum.blogspot.com give credit where credit is due I say.

I’m supposed to choose 5 things from this here list and complete a subsequent “If I could be . . .” thought. Then I tag three other folks to keep it truckin’. I've highlighted my answers, because it makes me feel important, and egotism's sexy, no?
Here goes:

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer I would totally live in IA and grow corn and then UPS it to all my friends and let them taste some good 'ole Iowa corn!
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter I would suck. I think I might actually be one of those weird modern painters who rolls around in the paint and then on this HUGE canvas...it would be like body painting, finger painting for adults.
If I could be a gardener
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist I would...be pretty content, then again I might kill the whinny boring patients, and I think that is frowned upon.
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be a professor
If I could be a world famous blogger I would hate it. Everyone would know my private life and tell everyone else and I'd have to start a journal on paper and I hate to handwrite stuff and then I would be mad at everyone for freaking me out.
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world
If I could be married to any current famous political figure
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a writer
If I could be an innkeeper I would own one of those old style ones from the Medieval Age and you could sleep there but there wouldn't be any whores 'cause I wouldn't own that kind of establishment. And it would be dirty but the beds would be oh so soft and I'd be so far in the backwoods and so far from the beaten path that the Health Dept. wouldn't even bother to check on me.
If I could be a chef
If I could be a llama-rider
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a librarian I would totally rock your reading glasses.
If I could be a bonnie pirate

Shit, I did 6. Oh well I guess I wish I could be a lot of things.

**Random Rant**
I hate when people spell the word a-l-o-t! That is not a word. It is actually two words "a" and "lot" . So please spell them correctly. I also hate when a person spells the word yea wrong...it makes me mad. Not that I can talk I always spell words wrong.
**End of Random Rant**

Fun Things

Ever notice that the fonts available are totally unoriginal? I mean I want some fun curlies or squiggles or something. Ah well. Today was a good day. Worked, had lunch, went out twice in one night and didn't get in trouble for staying out too late. Its a good day. Nancy have such fun times together sometimes. I had the best time with Jen and Jackie F.

Jen: Jackie, I saw Hoolio at my orientation.
Me: Giggantic gasp NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!!
Jackie and Jen, simultaneaously: You know Hoolio?
Me: Ummm, No ... I was ... keep going...
Laugher at my expense for about ten minutes.
Jackie: Wait, so do you know Hoolio?
Me: No.
Jen:Then who...?
Me: I thought you said Koolio..you know...the old...rapper
Doesn't matter anymore they are gone. The laughter has taken over, I'm with it and we are almost crying from laughter. At right about that moment in time the Tim Horten's guy looks into the backseat and says ,
Tim Hortons's Guy: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, yeah I'm fine...giggle snort...muffled laugh
Tim Horton's Guy: Oookaay, you ladies have a good night.

We discovered later that he gave us the wrong donut...we had to go back, for some reason he was pissed...IT WAS HIS FAULT FOR SCREWING UP THE ORDER...he was nice once he realized that. I think we gave him a good story to tell later to his buddies, I hope they have as much fun with it as we did.

So today I remembered some things:

1. I like Ska music!
2. I like learning where music has evolved from and Vh1 is the coolest place because they indulge this love.
3. I like music of all kinds
4. One of my favorite movies that I always forget to mention is Empire Records....I LOVE LUCAS!!!

So ummm yeah thats about it, except I dont wanna go to bed!!! I'm so awake, and for the third day I know I'm not gonna be able o get up to run and work out becauseI'm getting up too late...boohoo...I really want to do this...maybe if I go to bed nowIll get like 5 1/2 hours of sleep which may be enough...no probably not. Damn.

Oh-man-oh-man-oh-man-oh-man! I totally forgot the coolest thing I ever heard on the radio. To shorten it I'll just say that the morning talk show was randomly callling peoples and they go nand get this answering machine...and it was so cool I wrote it down to remember for rightt his moment but I can't get to it because my sister is asleep so its from memory:

We couldn't find a magical tune for June...So leave you message here, while we cheer...YEA! Woohoo! (And assorted other cheers right up until the beep)

It was soooo cool. I was amazed. Okay I'm going to bed. I swear.

~*ERY*~

The Small Things

Ever notice thats its the little things that we wish we could remember later on in life? I noticed wheni was looking through some older posts that someof my biggest smiles came from little phrases that I wrote down to remember later. Some of them were so fun and brought back stuff I had pretty much forgotten until that point. Nothing really fun happened today but I really like the info in my AIM profile so I think I'll just copypaste it in right here to look at later.

~Ode~
Dearest Claudia
you died saturday
cold and wet
protector and showtunelover
you will be missed.
Beloved '89 Honda Civic.

I found the quote I wanted...its so much better than the paraphrase that I had:

And I try but I'm not convincing
Your lips.. they pout and twist
And I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you
You take in everything with a certainity I envy
It's somehow all I need

I have thrown my shoulders back, though. And I've moved on. Don't give me that sweet glance, it would be too little, too late.

And why is it that whenever you look really good there is no one around to do anything?

Someone break this boredom spell. Anything will do at this point as long as I can get there after 6pm its all good.

Why are all the good men taken,
And why do all the brave men die,
And why are the women left alone to cry?

That's whats there. Its not the happiest right now. I'm feeling a bit depressed but its ok. I think I just have to not dwell on it to much. So, yeah, thats it.

~*ERY*~

Jen's Grad Party

Jen's Party was, in two words, quintessential Jen. It was Hawaii themed which is one of Jen's favorite things to do. And it ended in a camp-out sleep over. All in all it was a very good time, despite the very cold temperatures. Thats right, very cold. We had a pre-summer cold spell which meant that the luoa consisted not of people in bathing suits but people in jackets. To start from the beginning would take too long, since nothing really happened but I will do a quick recap with explanations for the, ahem, interesting parts.

Arrival

Food

James

James is a person that Jen and I swam with last sumer, and Jen now knows from her job at the Y. He was weird then and he is weird now. I ended up being his buddy at the party since he sat down by me and I talked to him. Now granted he is a very nice person he's just a little, odd. But then again aren't we all? To say the least I was happy when he left, but dissappointed when he returned. He left again thank God, I don't think I could have dealt with him all night.

Cal

Corinne's brother. A very funny guy who I wouldn't mind getting to know better, as a friend.

Leis

Since it was a luoa everyone got leied by everyone else. not particulary interesting but Nancy made the note that I seemed to always get "laid" by a Jackie's boyfriend...a point I had to agree with.

The RHS crowd (including Jay because thats how he knows Jen)

Jackie, Nancy, Jackie M. and Jay (sorry the heading speaks the truth). They all came by and stayed for a little while. Both the Jackies left fairly soon after though because they weren't done making the grad party rounds...personally though I think they felt out of place, because really, who shows up at a grad party at 10:30? Not many people that I know.

The Euchre Game

A friendly thing, a euchre game, right? No. Apparently I can't seem to be able to prove that I know how to play the game. This has forced me to cease playing with Jackie, Nancy and Jay. A crappy deal that I get the butt end of but thats how it apparently is going to have to be.

Battle of the Sexes

After everyone who wasn't staying the night left there were twelve of us left. 6 guys and 6 girls. So Jen had everyone get into the big tent and we were going to play 'Battle of the Sexes'. A suprisingly boring game by itself, so we spruced up the rules a bit. Everytime one team got a point (3 consecutive questions correct) the opposite team had to take off a layer of clothing. This would be done only until a person was down to his/her underclothing layer because we aren't that willing to strip. All well and good, we are a friendly group of people. Unfortunatly I was wearing the least amount of clothing on the girls side. I was in bra and underwear in two points. Eventually we all ended up in our underclothes and then the game went back to being not so interesting because the girls weren't stripping and we all had pillows in our laps (yes I know my underwear cover more of me than my bathing suit does, but I can't seem to get comfortable in just my underwear) I was comfortable enough in my bra (although with Mullet aiming the falshlight at my chest alone for half the game it was a bit un-nerving) but not in my underwear. part of that reason being that I was only comfortable sitting crossleggged which I know opens up my legs for whomever wants to see right between them. I was voted as having the sexiest boobs, though, which was an amazing confidence boost, in a weird perverse sort of way. In the end we got dressed rather quickly when we thought Jen's dad was coming out to the tent. He wasn't but it was pretty funny to see all of us scrambling to get our clothing back on.

Bed-Time

After the game we decided to just bed down and get some sleep since it was about 3:30. The big tent only sleeps tens people squished in so two people were going to have to use the small two person tent that Jay had brought. It ended up being Jay and I because, as Jen said, I knew Jay the best, a true statement. I, although somewhat pleased as a peach, was a tad disappointed. I really enjoy Jen's sleepovers because we just stay up and talk and goof off. All the people in the big tent stayed up chatting while me and my tent buddy went to sleep because he was tired...yes I know I didn't have to go to bed too, but it was easier to just get to sleep then, than have to move later on when everyone did go to sleep. It wasn't the most fun experience I've ever had, though. My giddy-ness turned to annoyed dozing when I discovered that Jay snores whenever he is on his back, a sleeping position he seems to enjoy. It was not the most solid nights of sleep, that I can say. It was also cold since it was under 60 degrees outside. So, and this is the excuse I give to people when it is brought up, I cuddled into Jay (the true reason is that I really enjoy cuddling and was hoping for some but I got none, oh well). Back turned so it wasn't weird when one of us woke up with the other's face in theirs I snuggled right up. In the end we shifted towards the wall about 6 inches. We both had complaints to the other the next morning so it worked out well.

The Morning after

During the night we lost several people. Liz and Romney both left for illness related reasons, Sam and Matt had to go for a family breakfast, and Mark and Kelly (not originally counted) left early to go lifeguard. Those of us left got up and had breakfast. We ended up walking to Rite-Aid to buy Fathers Day cards and then coming back to Jen's. After that we took down the tents and Jay gave me a ride home. All in all it was a fun experience.

That was the party in a nutshell. We had a lot of fun and I discovered something that I would rather not even admit to myself. Romney is a very nice guy and I'm a tad bit disappointed in myself for not even bothering to get to know him better. Its a shame that my shame got in the way of what could have been a very nice relationship. At least the awkward stage is over and we can talk (and sit next to each other in our undahpants) and not feel really uncomfortable with it, at least thats how it felt from my end. I don't really know what's going on in his mind and frankly I would prefer not to at this moment. I realize that I did a very poor job of staightening my shoulders and getting over Jay. Apparently its going to have to be a renewed action everytime he comes up. Eventually it will work because there really isn't any point in lingering on a moot point. Nothing is going to happen and if it did, I don't know, but I have a sneaking suspicion that unnatural things would occur and nature would be all out of whack. There we go its all done.

Except Josh. I never asked him the question about a girls feelings and a guys. I chickened out and I guess that's just where we are going to have to be. Its an odd place to be, but right now he's grounded so I'm getting a few days reprieve. I guess I'll just have to roll with the punches and make sure no one gets to hurt in the process.

A note on the euchre game: There was more to say but it really didn't fit into the party description so I put it here as a sort of really long foot note. The them I am refering to are Jackie, Nancy and Jay. Together. I am willing to play with one of them but never more than that. For the reasons that I am about to give I cannot play with more than one of them in a group. I can never seem to lead the correct card, help my partner enough, pay attention correctly, not renig, or a myriad of other things that I can do wrong. A myriad of other things that they do wrong as well but since I am the worst player amoung them (I won't try to deny that, I know it to be the truth) I end up getting all the critiscim and I am tired of it. I resent being the only player who is asked, 'you know thats a heart, do you have any hearts?' whenever a bower is played. And I especially resent the arguing that ensues over who will have to partner with me, the groaning that I have to hear from who it eventually is, and the 'well we're going to lose' attitude that my partner carries with them for the remainder of the game. If they don't want to play with me why do they bother to ask? I have been pronounced free and clear of DK euchre, why am I still being treated like a slow 5yr old? Apparently I will never be allowed into their quorum of highly professional, perfect euchre players so I figured that I'm done trying. The next time I play a euchre game with them is when they have to beg me. And beg me because they have asked everyone else around. I will sit and watch them play with strangers before joining back into one of their games. It's not likely to happen since usually they just ask me once, since I'm there, then go find someone else if I decline. I'm tired of being the player that no one wants. And I can't say that it will be easy for me to do. I do enjoy playing the game, but if I'm going to be approached like some kind of useless appendage then I want no part in it. I know this is a harsh punishment. I also know that I will not be able to fully give it. I will most likely only do this for a couple games. It will be more of a "when you've learned your lesson" punishment than a "you have completly lost the privlege." Because even older children need a warning.

~*ERY*~

Jay's Grad Party

So today was Jay's grad party. It was fun. I looked so cute, i was pleased. My hair behaved itself and got so many compliments on it. I felt so loved. Nancy came and picked me up and then we left. It was nice just chatting wih her. She got hit-on on the ride over, though, and it was sooo funny. This guy follws us down the road for a couple miles then all of a sudden he's right next to us at a stop light waiting and talking to us. He hands me a business card and says to give it to my friend. So when I give it to Nancy he asks her name. I couldn't be honest without saying that I was a little jealous, I mean I was there too. But anyway, she finally tells him and he's like, "Hey, my names Mark." (Great, nice to know you) and he's like "Whats wrong?" And Nancy says: "youre a dentist", and he says "well yeah I thought you were cute"....really now? I thought you did this to everyone to drum up some business. In the end he's like "Call me, Nancy" in that cocky ways that cute gys have. When we get to Jay's we tell everyone and it turns out that he played in a 30+ baseball team with Allie's dad...weird.

The party itself was very low key. There weren't very many people and we all just ate and played cards. It was nice. Banas and John came over and talked with us gals for a while which was nice. I mean we aren't really in touch with all Jay's friends so its nice when the few we know make the effort to talk to us. All in all in was a nice get-away from the monotony of being here at home or work.

Afterwards we went to Mongolian BBQ which, I really shouldn't have done. I really didn't need to go eat I wasn't that hungry and I hate when I eat out of boredom. Its not that I worry about my weight, I mean I do, but its more of an: I don't want to get used to eating like that kind of thing. I don't always eat healthy which is the main problem, I guess, but that is another blog so right now I will go back to topic. So we ate and then Jay joined us and we left for some ice cream. Another thing I really didn't need, but whatever its over I guess. And then I had one of the most strange and mildly uncomfortable conversations ever. The gist of it is Jay and Nancy and Allie and Jackie (who knew most of it anyway) now know all (well not all but most) of my mastubation stuff. I feel really odd about the whole thing. I sort of don't like it becaus it was mine, but then again I don't feel so alone any more. Not that I thought I was the onlly one but I guess now its in the open and its not so wrong but then again it is and its dirty and I wish that it could be less of an addiction and common knowledge thing.

I don't know that I necessarily like the person I am sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I am putting up a front of being this sexual and free person but I'm not. I could be but I'm not. And some of it stems from me wanting to be one, I think. I wish sometimes that my morals were not so firmly installed. I want them to leave me alone. I want so much but I can't always have it and that is just the way of the world. There are things that I will never have, and an escape from what I trully believe to be right and true is one of them. I don't think I want to be trully free of them but I wish at times that there wouldn't be such a hurt on how I feel after I have done something I know is wrong or something that isn't but I have given it a bad connotation. I wish I could be more experienced in the world and less fearful of what could happen if I tried something new. And I'm afraid that I will be rejected because of how I feel and think and by how much I want certain things. I want to be held and loved. I believe this to be a basic need for most girls but thats not what really matters.

~Jewel

I wish I could describe how I feel. I feel down. Just melancholy. I know why but I hate admitting it to myself beccause its stupid and ultra-feminine and it gives me this weak feeling that I try so hard to dispel. I want a boy. I want that affection. Its disgusting. Why can't I be happy without one? Was I created this way to always be yearning. I hate it with such a passion that I have trouble expressing it. I feel as if telling makes me weak. It makes me human and down to earth and I don't want that, I mean I want to be earthy and real, but I want to be myself. I want to fly above all of this angst. This pain isn't supposed to be held inside, but I hate confessing (because yes, sometimes it feels like a confession) to it. I want to leave this all behind. I want the fun to come and not leave, because when its fun I don't feel the pain until later. Its easier when there is fun abound, my mind is slower to realize that nothing is happening and nothing is going to come from this. And after? Then what, you ask? Then I come here and sit in the dark and write about it. I spill about how hurtful I feel, me, I sit here in my soft chair and complain. Why? Because I want a boyfriend. It is wrong because why should that be more important than hunger on cold or anything? Why is it an overwhelming force in my life. I want to change from this person, I want to become a butterfly so perfect and ethreal that no one can bear it but can only admire from a far. And then I will come back down and be loved. What an odd, messed up, never true, dream to be living on.

I can't have Jay. I'll never have him. And I want to just show him once how I feel just so I don't have to worry about it anymore. but I can't and I want him to know how I feel, but not feel bad about it, just know that the hurt is there. And when we talk about Jackie and how much he wants her I want him to know that it hurts. Even though I don't say anything even though I encourage him. Because deep down it helps the hurt. Covers it up with scar tissue and makes it a little bit easier to deal with. It sucks and I just think I'll stop wallowing and get on with my life. I've straightened my shoulders and I am going on with my life. From now on I will not wallow in it. He will be just another friend. We are buddies and pals. We will do stuff together but it is platonic.

"Seeing you it kills me now/No I don't cry on the outside/Anymore/...Here I am once again/I'm torn into pieces/Can't deny, can't pretend/Just thought you were the One/Broken up deep inside/But you won't get to see the tears I cry"

~*ERY*~

Bored

Is it wrong to sit at one's job and not do anything and get paid for it? I think it is. I mean I could be at home doing the same thing. Yet here I answer the phone every once and awhile, pick up stuff from the fax machine, deliver it and I get paid. I mean can you spell easy. But anyway.

Unfortunatly I have decided to talk to Josh. I say unfortunatly because its going to be a very awkward conversation. I have to be gentle and honest but I can't expose Jen for spilling the beans. And I want us to still be friends and stuff and go to the movies but I don't want to stay out talking until midnight because I'm too uncomfortable to say take me home. Its just such a tetchy subject. So I'm going to run through some thngs I could say.

Josh, I think we need to talk. I've been picking up some signals from you would like us...meaning you and I ... to be more than just friends. And I just want you to know that I don't feel the same way. I like hanging out as friends and stuff but sometimes I just feel uncomfortable because I feel as if there is this odd undercurrent of feelings just below the surface of our outings. And I'm sorry if this hurts you but I needed to get it off my chest.

Well that's not going to work...lets try this approach:

Josh, so my friend JT knows this guy who likes her and he doesn't think she knows, but she somehow found out and she doesn't feel the same way thus making it awkward for her when they hang out sometimes. What do you think, as a guy you would want her to do?

Then if he says: I'd want her to speak up and not feel awkward. Then I get to say:

So she should just tell him. What if he denys it or something? She just doesn't push the issue?

Or, if he says: He wouldn't want her to say anything and just keep it to herself. Then, I am angered, and I have to say:

Thank you for being objective. I will tell JT that. You are a good poll victim.

And in the end I guess I won't really tell him anything but at least I'll know how he feels.

~*ERY*~

Ooops! Florida

Oh my gosh. I can't believe it. I completely forgot to write about my trip to FL. I am amazed at myself, shocked, amazed, and disappointed. Well, I guess the story ought to be told now.

I went to FL the day, or was it two? either way it was close following graduation. I went down there with Nancy and Jackie along with Jackie's mom (further referred to as Ms. S for the duration of this write up) and JAckie's Nana (referred to as Nana, since that is what everyone, including my daad, calls her). Staying at Nana's condo was...well lets just say it was interesting..but I jump ahead, I forgot the plane. I don't particularly enjoy the whole 'flying experience'. It makes me mildly naustious, my head hurts, and it just isn't the same (duh) as driving. I mean sure its faster but is the headache worth it. WHatever. Well we fly down to FL and I experienced my first brushe with dum dum duuuummmm TURBULENCE. Totally not as fun as I had pictured it, all it did was make sleeping a smidge bit more difficult. We got off the plane no prb and were picked up by a limo, no lie it was sooo nice. We just sat ther and lounged, stretching out after the 3hrs spent couped up on the plane. When we arrived at the condo I finally understood what Jay had told me about the place. I t was a virtual Fort Knox. You needed a special card key to get in the gate for the parking, another card key to get into the elavator, a special code to get to your floor and then a key to open the door of teh condo itself. I mean it was nuts. But man, was it ever beautiful. You could seee the Gulf of Mexico from every window and there was a balcony and I was just a mazed by how marvelous it looked.

Well there is no need to document each and everyday, they were pretty uneventful but I will say that I stayed for 9 dyas and I read 5 1/2 books. T'was wonderful, that's all we did was read. Here is what I read and brief review.
The Eyre Affair~ **** THis was such a good book. I'm so glad I picked it up. Anyone who has read Jane Eyre (whether they liked it or not would enjoy this book) it was clever and witty and so much fun. The perfect beach read.
Lullaby (by: CHuck Pahlaniuk) ~ *** I really enjoyed this one. It hasn't become one of my favorites but I did enjoy it. I t was classic Chuck and I love him for that.
A book by Catherine Coulter (I can't remember the title) ~ ** Interesting and captivating but cliche. Nothing was spectacular and you knew the guy and the girl were gonna fall in love and get married after they solved the mystery and had sex and a couple of fights. What can I say I needed some smut.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (by: Douglas Adams) ~ *** I read this before but I needed a refresher course before diving into the rest of the series. It was good again and I enjoyed it but sometimes the author can just be so long winded that it seems like he's lost the entire point of the book itself.
THe REstuarant at the End of the Universe (Douglas Adams again) ~ ** The 2nd book in the series this one didn't wow me. It seemed like mor of a connector book than an actuall part of the series. I mean don't get me wrong it ws fun to read but I wasn't captivated like I was and am captivated by the 1st and 3rd.
Brick Lane (I didn't finish this one) ~ **** I know how do you rate a book you didn't finish right? Well I would have finished it but it got to good for me. The author had me right in this woman's shoes and I couldn't stand it. Her husband was bothering me and I just couldn't take it anymore. It was soo frustrating being with her in her life that I gave up and figured I would try again later.

And those were the books I read while on vacation in FL. Now I know that I said all we did was read but that is technically a lie. WE did go to the pier a couple nights and it was fun. THe first night we just looked around and soaked in the local color. THe scond night it was just us younglings and we had such a great time getting away from our elders. We went on a little dolphin sighting boat and met this amazing girl name Marisol. She was so fun, i wish we could have hung out more. THen we went and had dinner at this restuarant that had live music, and lucky for us we got to sit right in front of it. THe guy was amazing he just played the guitar and sang but the music was great. He played modern stuff and oler stuff and we knew most of it. It was so nice, and we could tell that he was enjoying haveing us ther sining along and laughing and such. THat was the night that I had two entres...well sorta. Nancy and I both wanted this same wrap but I decided that a club sandwich also sounded good so I got that witha side of fettucini alfredo. Jackie got a seafood pizza and it was all set. THat is until my meal came. THe side of pasta was huge, meal portion sized. SO along with my gigantic club sandwich I have this huge bowl of pasta. SInce jackie had seafood pizza we tossed a shrimp and a scallop onto my pasta and called it seafood fettucini alfredo. Oh how we laughed. It was fun and I got leftovers for once and got to have a club sandwich for lunch the next day...yum yum! THe last day we went to the pier we got our henna tattoos doe. The were amazing (and relativly cheap too). Jackie got aflower on her foot, Nancy got a design on her back and I got a design around my bellybutton, a conversation piece i like to call it. The people doing them were so nice and fun, I was so happpy we went back to get the henna.

But the pier was not the only thing we did. On our last WEd. in FL Ms. S. had had about enough of hanging with us younglings and her mother. SO she went out for the night witha buddy she knows down ther named Scott. She left we had pizza and then the four of us left all kinda went our seperate ways in the condo. JAckie went to a bedroom to talk to Joel (lovebirds), Nana went to her room to watch TV and eventually fall a sleep, Nancy stayed inside to read the DaVinci Code (she was so hooked), i went out on the balcony to sing. Nobody knows that, but it was just what I needed. I sang all of these beautiful ballads and it was marvelous. I just sang as loudly as I wanted to because a storm ws coming in and no one could hear me through their doorwalls. I needed it so much, but anyway. Ms. S. came in around 10:30 so I came in too. She sat down and here is our conversation (Red = her teal = Nancy and I)
"Hey girlies!" "Hey how was your night out?" (No we don't speak in chorus but the gist is there) "Good where is every one?" "Jackie is in the bedroom and so is Nana. You're home early...its only 10:30." "Really? you girls wanna go out and do something." "Sure, sounds good." (Okay so Nancy and I are both old enough to get into the bars but not to drink, Jackie can't even get in yet. So its just us and our friend's mom that are going out) Long pause "Okay lets go." "Really?! Alright well let us go get changed and we'll be right back out."
So after taht we proceeded to sneak out of the house leaving Jackie with orders to cover for us if Nana woke up (she doesn't like it when we all go out late, not proper ya know) and we wer off. Nancy drove, since Ms. S. had already had a bit to drink. We went to this little bar and listened to the band for about ten mins and then they were done. We met his nice lady who was probably about 25 who was intrigued by the fact that Ms. S. didn't have a gfake ID for Jackie. It was fun. She recommended we go to this place called SHephards. SO we did. It was this nightclub/bar/restuarant/hotel thing. We made our way to the night club which was so cool. But Ms. S. didn't really enjoy it so we followed her to the bar next door. THey had a live band there that was playing some oder stuf and tehy were pretty good but the night club was right next door. SO we figured ifwe were old enough to go out then we were old enough to leave her there. OS we told Ms.S. where we were going and that we'd be back in an hour to check in and then we were gone. It was so much fun. We were dancing and having a great time. Nancy even made a friend...I mean technicallly he was dancing with both of us, but it was Nancy that got invited up to the HOTEL ROOM! She didn't go but still. We had fun and danced like the sluts we are deep down inside (heehee) and then we ended up going back to Ms. S. She had also made a not wanted friend so we left and went back home to sneak into the condo. It was so much fun we jumped on Jckie to wake her up and then we talked for an hour. It was an amazingly eye-opening experience.

On the way home I had the misfortune of getting pulled out of line for a random check...this was my fourth time n a plan for goodness sake. Its okay thoug, I got out of line faster than the other people so there! On the flight back we had to awesome flight attendants, one guy who mocked the instruction giving lady and another lady who did magic for the kids. It was cool. THen we landed an d I got a splitting headache

So that is it. That at was FL and that was very long so now I'm done for a while...maybe.

~*ERY*~

Work Sucks

SO I officially dislike my job right now. COnsider this. I get no paycheck, I get paid approximatly every two to three weeks (whenever the money comes in), I do nothing all day (which rather than being relaxing turns out to be horribly annoying), and my boss (otherwise known as my DAD thinks I can't follow simple instructions. It sucks. I mean I know things could be worse but reallly I hate being here. I'm so bored and lonly most of the time, and getting dressed for work is such a pain. I don't have "office clothing" I have casual and dressy, but those don't usualy falll under office appropriate. I am tiered of gettting to the office at 8 and staying until 5 or geting here at 11:30 and staying until 6. I know now that an office job is not for me. I need to be where I can talk to people but not constantly. I am so glad that I have decided to go into researching/conservation. I'll be with peopple in my field but I won't, hopefully have to be serving them like I did when I waitresesd. I think what I'm really missing here is the formality. THis job lacks any kind of settled feling. Now that could be because its just starting off and its new but really. I'm sharing a desk and the computer doesn't allow for certain kinds of emailing and ugh! So yeah thats my griping from my office desk.

~*Ery*~

This is what I have done

This is the story of what followed after "UncontrollableExcitement". As already noted neither of us wanted to go to bed. Don't misread that statement. It does not say we weren't tired, I was but the whole sleeping thing just didn't seem appealing. The night was perfect for being outside. There were only a few clouds and those that were there were the white fluffy ones made gray by the dark, the temperature was ideal, there was a slight breeze to dispel any hint of humidity. I didn't want to go to sleep. I don't know what his excuse was but that's mine. This is the full unabridged story of our events, well, slightly abridged, I don't remember word-for-word what was said.

Well Jay got to my house around 2:15. I ended up staying inside on the couch because I knew I'd be able to see the lights of the car pull up. So I popped outside and into his car (a note early on, we were actually in his dad's SUV since his truck was in the marina...kinda sad since I do like his truck, anyway this is a thought to be kept in mind later). We do the obligatory "hi,-how-are-you?-Fine-and-yourself?"-thing and then we were off. Since my Dad made this weird "Go to this Coney Island" request I figured that we should go there first in case my dad went there to make sure I went. Why I thought my Dad would go through that much trouble to insure that I went where he wanted me to go, I don't know, but stranger things have been done in my family and there had been some drinking involved on his end. So Jay and I ended up in this hole-in-the-wall restaurant. The place has, literally, maybe 20 tables, total. Its one big smoking section and it is completely packed with drunks. Its funny of course because of all the places he could have sent us, this is the last place I would have expected. The people are doing saganaki as if there is no tomorrow, usually I would complain about the smell but something about the place covered it up, and it is raucous and their is some "Rocky"-wanna-be movie on the TV's. It had its own little flare, probably indiscernible at 3pm but at 3 in the morning places like this just take on their own light and sparkle (definitely the wrong word, in no way did that place sparkle). All I know is that I will always look fondly on that restaurant when I pass it.

When we left it was going on 3:3am. Not really knowing what to do Jay mentions that he say a golf course on his way to my house. This is a brief shortening of that conversation. Anything in red is me (pink thoughts) and blue are his words. This is not exact wording this is a generalization from memory to make the recording a bit simpler.
"Yeah, Hillcrest that's right up here. Why?" "Because we can drive on the course." (You want to drive on the course.) "Why?" "Because its fun." "Well okay, I'll show you how to get in the back way." (this is sooo not legal, weeee but it is so fun!) So we ended up on the golf course. WE broke about three laws in about 5 mins. We had to get on the course the back way which is illegal all by itself since you aren't supposed to be back there after ten. Then we actually figure out how to get around the steel cable designed to prevent lawbreakers like us and we're on the course. We have to turn off the lights so no one sees us from he road but hten we can't see so we almost run over a garbage can so we decide to just get off and find something better to do.

We end up on M97 going north. We end up at M59 and then decide that going further north is kinda silly so we turn right. And just our luck there is a train stuck across the tracks. We figure that since its 4am and we have nothing better to do we might as well wait for the train to pass. SO we are sitting there and Jay announces that he has to, ahem, use the little boys room. I tell him he should just get out and go on the side of the road but he points out that while he would there are no sufficiently dark corners. We then had the very interesting conversation (more of an instruction lecture directed towards me) on how one does a number 2 (or pees female style) in the woods. It was, interesting, to say the least. Well someone finally decides that they have been sitting for awhile and are sick of it so they try and find out what's going on with the train. They report back to the car next to us something about half and hour. We decide that 30 mins is too little of doing nothing so we illegally U-Turn and drive over part of the median and turn back south. We ended up getting stuck by the train again near my house but luckily it was moving this time. I was so excited. I got to show Jay something that was purely mine, excitement that you can only experience by standing within 10ft of a moving train. I tried explain but eventually told him that we'd just have to do it. So took off my seat belt and he followed. I jumped out of the car and stood there next to the train and just felt the power. I can't explain it but it paralleled the feeling I felt leaving the house that morning the train was finally finished, I guessed correctly, we got back in the car and drove on. We ended up going to the marina where his family keeps their boat and his jetski. He showed me where they kept the boat and then we decided to go for a swim. Now I don't know if this was mentioned but I had my suit on in case we decided to break into the community pool nearby. Anyway we found a place that looked cleanish (as clean as you can get) and not dangerous. We climbed down the rocks (and I am proud to say that I, not the boyscout, clambered down much more limber-like) An since Mr. EagleScout was being a baby because he saw a dead fish, I was the first one in. The water was suprisingly comfortable temperatured. I was walking out and he finally got in. So we're walking around in this dirty water under the stars and in my head I can't stop thinking about how beautifully romantic it could be. Then he threatened to shove e under so I went under by myself. He followed when I taunted him for being scared of the fish. WE had finally decided that it was time to go (10mins total water time) and we were walking back towards the bank(?) and I was in front of him (let me preface this by saying that this was one of my extremely high moments for the entire evening). All of a sudden he jumps me, I knew it was coming but I kinda let it happen. I was so happy. For two seconds his arms were around my waist and his entire body was on mine and we were under water and it was so short. I got up and said something sarcastic and fun at him and he respond with "I've wanted to do that for a long time." (What? We've only been in the water for 10mins. Does that mean you wanted to be closer longer? Am I making too much of this? Yeah you are Ery but could he...?) So I'm in this weird conundrum with myself and I kept walking. We got out (again I was the one who found it easier to get out using the rocks, stupid boy) and discovered that, oops bad planning we have no towels and its cold now that we're out of the water (we could huddle together for warmth...hmm?). I decide that the cami I wore is the most useless item of clothing that I have with me and I used that to dry off with. I offered it to him as I danced around in the parking lot under the streetlight. It was fun. He laughed at me but that's ok, I was enjoying the feeling of the cool morning air on my nearly bare skin and he couldn't take that from me and no one could. Well he decided that he couldn't drive all wet so he was gonna go change by this big pine tree. He warned that if I wanted a peek all I would see was a white ass and I believed him but I was too busy doing my changing to check. (Yeah right I was gonna ride around all wet, not only is that uncomfortable but its not healthy. Women have open reproductive systems ya know). So there I am changing behind the open door of the car. I drop my bottoms and decide, oh why not, I'll go commando and put my jeans on. I strip off my top and I turn my back to the open window to shrug on my hoodie when I hear him coming around to open the hatch, shit turn around quick and toss the shirt on hurry! Luckily I'm just fast enough. He sees nothing...although he was really suprised I changed, why I can't figure out, but there was surprise. He was stunned that I did it right there, "I mean there are boats with people on them right behind you." oops "Oh well if they're up this late I guess they deserve a little show, right?" I got a laugh. We put my wet suit in the cooler and figured I'd get it later. We left the marina and noticed it was just about 5 so we might as well get breakfast (this was Jay, I'm still not hungry). SO we go to Denny's since its the only place open and we order. I got pancakes figuring that by the time they got there I might be hungry enough to eat them. Well it didn't matter because right after we ordered the whole shindig fell apart. Dad called.

It was not a nice phone call. All I caught was "now." in a very angry tone of voice, he told me to fill in the blanks. Unfortunately Jay heard all of this, not that I could have concealed the message but I wish he hadn't. It was 5:30 by the time we told the waitress that we needed it to go and paid. Jay was so worried. He was so afraid that he had gotten me in trouble. I was scared too but I was occupied with reassuring him that he wasn't to blame and that helped. Left food (and suit now that I think about it) with him figuring that it wouldn't be best to tell my dad that I had just gotten food, or gone swimming in the lake. I got in the house and Dad wasn't there. He was sleeping in his room. I totally could have brought in my food and suit. I went to bed with a brief explanation to my mom who woke up when I tried to check in.

Two hours later I went to church and went home to talk to my father. I told him I was sorry for not calling or coming home. He said I just shouldn't have been out that late and that was it. No anger or explanation needed. I called Jay and told him that my parents weren't angry with him and that they didn't know about the swimming. When he asked why I explained that if I told them about swimming I would have to explain why I had my suit on, which was because we planned on doing illegal swimming and that would have had serious consequences. I'll tell them when I move out, maybe.

Well that's it. That's the whole story. I didn't do anything terrible and nothing spectacular happened between us. But all in all its one of the best experiences of my life and it'll make a pretty damn good story to tell my kids and grandkids.

Uncontrollable Excitment

EEEE!!!! So its 2:07 in the a.m. and Jay is on his way over as I type this. When we oth discovered that neither of us wanted to go to vbed he said hey lets do something and I said okay. Now, after a chat with my father on why I should be allowed to leave the house at 2:00 in the morning, he is on his way and we have time to do whatever, which will include going to a certin resaut=rant eventually but yeah whatever. He said we should hop the fence intoone of the local community pools. That would be so cool if we don't get caught. Wow I am so incredibly excited. I'm gonna sit out on my oorch in a couple minutes so he doesn't have to knock and alet my mother. This is just ...my hands are shaking this is so great. I think it is just the thrill of doiing something that I have never done before and it feels illegal even if its not and its Jay and thats just a thrill in itself since its just us two. Did I mention that I puposfully didn't tell Nancy? I think because she would have wanted to come and then I would have had to say ok and then it wouldn't be justthe two of us if her parents had even let her come out. She's going to be bitter anyway when she fids out but what the hey. I am a big girl and if ichoose to keep my crushes to myself and withhold information from one of my best friends in order to have some alone time well then I guess I've got some growing up to do...later. i feel bad, but that good kind of bad that is so exhilerating that it mkes your hair stand on end. I will have to write about what occurs later becaue I think I should get ready to go sit on the porch now! Weeee! I pray that all goes well.

These are fun!

Not what I had intended on doing but here it is:

last kiss:this past winter i think
last cigarette: Never
last good cry: I can't remember...it's been a while
last library book checked out: umm last one read was Brick Lane
last movie seen: Amelie
last book read: The Restuarant at the End of the Universe by Douglas Adams
last cuss word uttered:shit I think or maybe hell
last beverage drank: Rasberry Passion juice
last food consumed: Pops cereal
last phone call: Mrs. Ballor
last tv show watched: Top 20 COuntdown
last shoes worn: flipflops
last cd played:Don't remember it was 10 days ago :(
last item bought: Henna tattoo
last downloaded:Can't download
last annoyance: Nana
.last soda drank: Don't drink soda
last thing handwritten: ? Can't remember
last word spoken: what kind of question is that/ I think it was thankyou
last sleep: last night
last im: Nancy
last ice cream eaten: Gelato in FL Raspberry White Chocolate
last time hugged: My mom last night when I went to bed
last chair sat in: the one I'm in now
last lipgloss used: When we went clubbing on Wed.
last shirt worn: Stage Door shirt
last time dancing: At the airport yesterday before we got on the tram
last poster looked at: none
__________________________

1 MINUTE AGO: doin this survey
1 HOUR AGO: IMing
1 DAY AGO: Sitting on a FL beach
1 WEEK AGO: Sitting on a FL beach
1 YEAR AGO: umm who knows...school

FIRSTS
First job:Banquet Server
First screen name: queenmouse1
First funeral: my grandpa's
First pet: Maggie Mae the cat
First piercing/tattoo: pierced: ears tattoo: noe except the false ones
First Kiss: December 2004
First enemy: Dimitris
First big trip: Family: Iowa Sans parents: Kalamazoo

_________________

HAVE YOU EVER:
Held Hands: yes
Hugged: yes
Kissed: yes
Drank Alcohol: yeah but not in any majr way...like one shot total
Did Drugs: just benedryl and allergy stuff
Fought:who hasn't?
Cussed:of course
Ditched:not school but swim practice...yeah
Drove: yep
Crashed: my poor Claudia!
Broke a body part:yes...ankle
_______________________________

WHO DO YOU:
Love: love is such a strong word...family, friends, romantically? no one right now
Like: Jay, and friends and family
Hate: no one hate is too strong, now strongly dislike....
Have Fun With: Jackie and Nancy
Admire: Hard question
Tell Everything To: Jackie
Have Most Memories With: GOsh I don't know

I am soooo BEHIND!

So I would write a nice long post here about everything but I can't right now because its 1:27 a.m. and I am tired and such and everyone is just going to have to deal with that.

~*ERY*~

My Prom

Wow. So prom was this past Wed. and it was amazing in so many ways. The day started out with our Senior Farewell which was our last time with the whole school and it was so sad. I sang "If We hold On Together" and it went beautifully.

Afterwards it was time to start getting ready for the big night. I went home did all he necessary bathing and shaving and such then I took a nap. I went next door to get my hair done and it turned out splendidly. I went home and put on my dress. It is so pretty...unfortunatly, though, the drycleaners tore the chiffon overlay and it ripped progressivly throughout the night. Oh well...no one noticed. So then my mom did pictures outside Carol's house because her garden is so much nicer than ours. Well then the night really got started. Jay showed up. He looks so nice in his tails...wait did I say nice? I meant good, yummy, mmm! Anywho (giggle giggle). We left for Jackie's. I love riding in a car with just him. I feel safe and protected and not in control and I love that feeling. Then there's the fact that he wears this absolutly amazing scent/cologne/body spray stuff that I love...but more on that later. At Jackie's we all got introduced and such. All the guys got along so well. When Allie's date arrived we were all on pins and needles but he turned out to be a pretty cool guy (and not too hard on the eyes either if you know what I mean). So yeah then we had to do the picture thing which went well I guess. the pictures all look good. Everybody is happy and smling (mostly). Then into the limo to the hall. We got to the hall ate dinner ( not much to discuss here so why bother) and now we are to the dancing, an activity on which I have lots of feelings.

Firstly I LOVE to dance! And not just structured dance, I love all sorts, the way the music makes me feel is such an incredible, undescribable high I can't express it! So yeah thats the first thing. I mean it doesn't really matter how good or bad the dancing is, as long as I'm comfortable I have fun. Well s the DJ sarted the dance off with gwen Stefani's song "Hollaback Girl" which I guess is one of Jay's favorite songs at the moment. So we went out onto the dance floor and go right down to it. Eeeeee! We were so close, I could smell him...ad he was behind me ad I love how he smells and heknows that I love the smell and I wonder what that means? Because I mentioned it and he sad somenthing to the effect f " its the one you really like" Which mskes me wonder why he chose that one, sinc I know hes got several but anyway thats not really what I wa talking about was it? No I was discussing dancing and how I love dancing with Jay. I felt so free finally with what I could do. I could move and not worry what he would think and...hold on let me try to explain this better. I always feel this longing when I'm dancing to move away from the monotonous back-n-forth back-to-front movement that is so common in dancing nowadays. Because I know that it is just as common to move your butt a little more and to twirl and to move about the dance floor. Well with Jay I found this movement I have been longing for. nd I wasn't the one who started it, he did. I believe it started with some"getting low". It was great, I was 6 inches away from sittingon the ground then all of a sudden I was back wherI had started from. I was just blown away that he wanted, even, encouraged me to actually move around with him. He gave me such a freedm but at the same time I could feel his control over what we did and how far everything went, I felt the control in his hands and in which direction we went but I still felt weightless and free. I want to mention that I love the feeling I get whenI dance with him. I felt so secure andI felt aloive and cradled in his arms. I knew that if anything happened he would be right there, I wouldn't fall alone. His arms were around my waist and then they were around my hips and his hands were on my upper thighs and I didn't want them to leave that spot but when they did it was okay because they were hugging me closer to him. Sigh. I don't think that feeling's coming back.

Finished Update

Well my last update was complete in the sense that it told everything that haappened. Period. However I cut out several poinant things and thoughts for brevity's sake. I figured I'd finish it in this post. But first I will list a type color key for reading simplicity:

Scene explanation

"What he said"

"What I said"

What he did

What I did

What I was thinking

Thoughts that occured later

Alright here goes:

1) Place: ND's Prom. Josh and I went outside after dinner because thats what everyone else did. We are out side of this building on a lawn that looks out over a wall at the water.

Its so beautiful, if only I could say that. "There are bugs over my head" But I can't because it opens the door for a cheesy "so are you" compliment from Josh and I don't need that. Looked out over the water. Looked over the water. We stayed out there and chatted with some other people for a while but that was the basis of the exchange.

2) Place: CC's Prom. So Ryan and I are dancing and we get seperated from Jackie and Nancy and dates. Where did they go glance around...don't look for them too much Ryan will ask questions...no he won't he doesn't talk. Oh well. Why does it feel like we keep moving away from people. Dance. Dance. My legs hurt, too much dancing all at once. Are Ryan and I even touching asside from his hands and my hips. I would like to be a bit closer here, buddy. Why won't he pull me up tight? Oh hello there Banas...yes those are my ankles, calves, knees, and thighs you have just run your whole body/hands over. That felt good...Ryan you wanna get low with me? So I was feeling a little neglected/horny here and I dont know why. I mean I don't really like Ryan like that. Although he is tall, which is very nice...

3) Place: Carson's house party. So I'm sitting in this chair all sober wishing they had something tasty to drink so I wouldn't be stone cold sober in a room almost filled with trashed people I don't know. Jackie and Nancy aren't drinking and neither is John so we are watching Jay and John play a game of pool...its a bit messed up because they both keep blatantly cheating and Jay doesn't realize because he's had a bunch to drink already. All of a sudden this guy Tony who doesn't even go to CC comes up to me and whispers in my ear... Tony is completely trashed but kinda cute in a big softy kind of way. "You should follow me." "Why?" "You should follow me." Walks away towards the weight room. What why should I follow you? I know what you wanna do...so what Ery, follow him what harm can it do? Duh Romney?!?...oh right....follow anyway you don't have to do anything. Get up off my chair, sort of skip/walk away after Tony. "I'm gonna go follow Tony." (For the record this was said to the people around the pool table...they all just sorta looked at me and went on with their business.) Why the hell did you say that? Why is no one warning me...oh well here is the weight room in I go. Walk in. "Why did you bring me in here all alone?" DUH Ery stop flirting with him you stupid girl. Shrug. Close door to the weight room. Hand goes around my waist. Alright why was I so complacent? I don't know I'm an idiot but yeah whatever. "I'm not gonna make out with you right here, there are windows in the door you just closed." Pulls me away from the door till his back is up against the wall. Pulls me close to him. Shit Ery now what are you gonna do you stupid stupid girl think fast!! Put thumbs in my back pockets thus clearing his hand from my waist. Puts his fingers in my front belt loops and pulls me up close to him. Ooo I like that. Yeah I was totally enjoying this a bit too much I loved that he was just gonna do what he wanted until I made him stop. I love when a guy takes a bit of my control away from me Alright I'll just not make out with him, (head lowers in coming in for kiss) maybe I will, just one little kiss...No!Move my head to the left at the last second. You can't do that, don't do that. We are now cheek to cheek Alright no kiss. Darn butI want one. No, no kiss. " No, no." "Why not?" "Because," What kind of crappy reason is that, its never gonna work." "Come on." Told ya so. "No." "Why not?" Don't mention Romney! "Because I've done this before and it didn't turn out well." Nicely put, that should work. "You know you want to." Yeah I do but I can't, maybe just one...NO! "But I'm so cute." WHAT! Now thats attractive. Someone's full of themself. Shit he's drunk he's not just gonna listen to you, just leave. " I'm gonna leave now." No movement. "Okay" No movement " I'm gonna go out the door." Okay Ery just leave now. Detangle yourself now and leave. Walk backwards and then out the door back to where my girlfrends have finaly realized I'm not where I should be and are waiting for me. Stays in the room for about 5 mins. then comes out and announces that he's going home. You go you mankiller you, look you broke his sad little heart. Oh well, there goes your 'kissing' buddy. Nancy and Jackie have by this point already asked me what happened and I told them nothing but before I could get the wole story out our buddy Jay comes waltzing in wanting to know what's going on and we ell him nothing and break up our pow-wow to go back to our faithful watching of him and John. This all took about 5 minutes.

SO those are my experiences. Later.

~*ERY*~

Update

Well, two down one to go! Proms I mean. Its Saturday and I'm recovering. I wasn't home for two days and it caught up with me...But to start at the beginning.

Well ND's prom was Tuesday and that was an interesting experience. I got up at 5 AM so I could get started on my hair before school. I twisted it and then went to school. I left after 6th hour to finish it by 4:30, Jen came over to help and thank God because I never would have been able to do it myself. Once it was finished I got ready and Josh came to pick me up. There are pictures that his dad took at www.stevesowell.com look at the pics from May 11th. So we left. Well to speed this night up I'll abbreviate. We went to Hamtown to meet with our group, rode to the hall, ate, danced, went back to Hamtown, partied for and hour, came home. I wish it had felt that fast. Instead I had to sit through dinner with this guy who is in love with me and is trying so obviously not to say say anything to make me uncomfortable and not knowing that he has failed horribly. I can't stand it and now I'm in the process of avoiding him and I feel bad. Oh well I guess I''m gonna just have to sit him down and "have a little chat". Ick I don't want to!!!

So the next day I go to school and we begin the long and tedious project of learning how to walk for Graduation. I mean I understand that we need to look good but are 8 2 hour practices necessary? Anyway, since I was going to be going straight from practice to my hair appointment on Wed. with Jackie we decided that I would just gather my things after pratice on Wed. and then I would spend the night at her house, go to practice on Thursday with her. Well this began my trek of not being home for two days. Jackie and I were together for a loooooong time. And we didn't eat each other, I was so proud. Anyway we watched Kill Bill vol.1 and I enjoyed it. We then went looking through her neighborhood at the houses being built. We then did something that she says is legal butI disagree. We went inside these uncompleted homes and walked around. Apparently its a neighbrhood tradition. Anyway you walk through the home and "show" the rooms as you would put them based on the walls and where the outlets are located. Well the first house was more finished than the second but I loved the second more, it had a canal view out onto the lake. I stood on the second floor and let the wind fly through me and I felt so free. Then we went back to her house. I got antsy so I helped her mom seal and stamp jackie's graduation announcements. Joel came over as we were finishing up (he is so nice and sweet I'm so glad him and Jackie have finaly gotten together officially and said the "L" word). Anywho, we put in The Life Aquatic and Jackie was the only one who saw the whole thing. Joel and I both konked out about half-way through. After Joel left we went to bed and got reay for the next day.

CC's Prom! Well the day started with wrapping Jay's b-day present. It was in really cool wrapping paer and then Jackie and I decorated it a bit. It had ribbons and bows and even a fake pointsetta! Then we went to grad. practice. We drove to get our hair done. it was cool we both got people who were perfect for us. Jackie's didn't like updo's and neither does Jackie. I really like the twisty curly updo thing andthe woman doing my hair has naturally curly hair and she is a wonder at the curly twisty updo thing. So my hair was curled and twisted and sprayed until it wouldn't move, seriously, I slept on it and it didn't even flatten. After our hair waa done. We went back to jackies for an hour to gather stuff togethr and to do makeup stuff. We left and then got to Jays house (i cut out an hour or so there because it wasn't that eventful). We ut on our dresses when nancy got there. Then we waited for the dates to arrive. When they got there we did pictures and then went to Brendans house and did more pictures. We then did the fnniest hing ever, according to my mother. We were all going to this country clu, but we were going separate and only one person knew weher to go. So we all get in our very nice sports cars and drive to the left, well the leader of the group (not the one who knows where to go) thinks he's going the wrong way so he turns around, well 4 cars are following and they all turn around to, then the guy who knows where he is going flys by us going in the way we were just going, so we all turn around again. My mom said we loked so ridiculous. So we get to the country club and get the last table that is completly empty. Dinner took like 3 hours and then we got to dance for an hour and a half. We went back to Jays and changed. We then went to Carson's house (amazing) and stayed there till around 3. We came back to Jays house, attempted to watch Animal house but fell asleep at 4:30. Mrs Gronbach woke us up at 9:10 for breakfast. We had break fast then went back to RHS for grad. pracice again.

I then had Senior farewell practice. i was so dead

Something fun (long)...from Rachel's LJ

[x] They call me: Ery
[x] also: Sheep, CeeCee,
[x] sex: female
[x] birthday: Spring
[x] status: single (and not lovin it)
[x] occupation: Graduate (in a week)

_______right now_______
[x] feeling: so-so, kinda lazy
[x] doing: avoiding work/dad
[x] thinking of: what my mom is gonna do when she sees the pan I just burnt
[x] hating: my job

_______Love_______
[x] love is: an emotion so intangible, yet everyone searches for it
[x] first love: Brian
[x] love or lust?: love...I just wanted to hold his hand for goodness sake
[x] true or false: false...although ask me in 4th grade and I would have said true

_______Opposite Sex_______
[x] turn ons: eyes, smile, confidence
[x] what kinda hair style?: longish but controlled
[x] are you the type of person that asks for his number?: yeah...if he approaches me first though

_______Micellaneous _______
[x] can you swim?: Oh yeeaah.....
[x] whats your most embarrassing moment?: I don't rightly know
[x] what are you scared of?: Rejection, critisicm, rape, situations where I have no control
[x] what is your greatest accomplishment?: GRADUATION from high School!
[x] do you like tomatoes?: yes...but only raw ones
[x] hw many TVs in the house?: 3
[x] how many phones in the house?: 2 regular...3 cell
[x] how many residents?: 5 people, 1 dog, 2 turtles

______Your looks______
[x] Hair color: Brown
[x] Eye color?:Blue
[x] Height: 5' Something"
[x] Do u wear contacts or glasses?: both glasses more often though...I'm lazy
[x] do u have any piercing? 1 hole in each ear

______Just lately______
[x] How are you today? Alright...cold be better
[x] What pants are you wearing right now?: underpants (i'm in my bathrobe and an oversized t-shrit so those are the only "pants" I'm wearing.
[x] What does your hair look like at the moment?: Up in ponytail/messy
[x] What song are u listening to right now?: 6th Avenue Heartache by The Wallflowers
[x] Last person you talked to on the phone?: Ryan...Correy's friend
[x] Last Dream you can remember?: I had a dream...I don't rmeber any right now
[x] Who are you talking to right now?: No one

______More about You______
[x] What are the last four digits of your phone number? not telling
[x] If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: a dark majestic purple
[x] What's the next CD you are going to buy?: Don't know
[x] What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?: Made out with Romney at Jackie's party
[x] If u could change one thing about yourself what would it be?: I would make my sight perfect
[x] Where do you shop the most? Downtown Mt. Clemens.
[x] How many kids do you want to have?: 2-4
[x] Shampoo? : Dove
[x] Do you have your own phone line?: Cell phone
[x] Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: No but I do sleep with two pillows to hug
[x] Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone?: Yeah I jumped off a playground merry-go-round and I broke my ankle
[x] Who do you dream about?: Weird stuff...Marvin Gaye was my mailman once...
[x] Who do you tell your dreams to? Nancy and Jackie
[x] Who's the loudest friend you have? Nancy K.
[x] Who's the quietest friend?: Dana

______You and love ______
[x] Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend?: no :(
[x] Do you have a crush?: Yes...Unfortunatly
[x] Who is your crush?: Jay
[x] Where would you like to go on your honeymoon?: Greece
[x] Do you find yourself attractive?: Yes, with a bit of makeup
[x] Do you find yourself ugly?: When the acne is being bad
[x] Do others find you attractive? I would say yes but the drunk are always nice

____________Your favorites____________
[x] Color: Blue
[x] food: Mac and Chees
[x] Fast Food: Arbys
[x] Candy:Butterfinger
[x] Ice Cream Flavor:It changes
[x] Sports: Swimming
[x] numbers: 6
[x] Scent: (On myself? Cherry blossom...On boys? I don't know...whatever Matt used was marvelous)
[x] Board Game?: Monopoly
[x] Saying?: What kind of question is this? Ummm "Some exhalation"

____________Have you ever ____________
[x] Wanted to kill someone? yes
[x] Broke the law? yeah
[x] Ran from the cops? no
[x] Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: no, because I usually end up in more

______Firsts________
[x] First Kiss: 12th grade...December...Jeff...
[x] First Job: Server at Partridge Creek
[x] First Screenname: Queenmouse1
[x] First Enemy: Those girls down the street
[x] First Best Friend: Jenna

A Quiz Thing

A quiz I found on Megan's LJ.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Ery (no full names)
2. Sheep
3. CeeCee

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Fruitysheep
2. Queenmouse1
3. That's all folks

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My curly hair
2. My eyes
3. My ability to understand people's problems

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My OCD-ness
2. My procrastination
3. My room

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Greek
2. Irish
3. French Canadian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Scary movies
2. Dying alone
3. Not knowing whts going to happen in the future

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Breakfast
2. Hugs
3. Laughter

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Cute skirt I got for my birthday
2. Green tank top
3. Undergarments

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS/ARTISTS:
1. Keane
2. Jewel
3. Stevie Nicks

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Somewher Only We Know
2. The Point of No Return
3. Existentialism on Prom Night

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. College!
2. Prom
3. Drive a jet ski without a sense of fear

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Trust
2. Someone who understands me, even when I can't get a complete sentence out
3. Someone with whom I am completely comfy

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order)
1. I love to swim
2. I don't like snow
3. I am a girl

THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. The ability to bring me out of my shell

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Draw, paint, anything artsy
2. Eat pickles
3. Drive Claudia (she's totalled)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE PASTIMES:
1. Dancing ( bet'cha didn't know that)
2. Swimming
3. Singing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. School to wrap up
2. Go to florida
3. Get a job that pays regularly

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1.Conservationist
2. Environmental Engineer
3. Directing

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION/HOLIDAY:
1. Greece
2. Paris
3. Ireland

THREE KIDS' NAMES:
1. Chrisanthy
2. Margaret
3. Anthony

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Sky Dive
2. Have a family
3. Become a grandma

Huh...

Let me just start by saying that I'm rather glad that none of my close friends have this blog info. I mean this is such a catharsis for me. I reread all my other posts, all of them, and I was amazed by some of the poetic things I wrote. It amazed me (great poetry there, right?) that I could be so open. At times I wish someone could see it but then again I think that allowing people in would ruin the experience of writing for myself. I mean if I can't scribe from the soul then what point is there?

I want to make a note on some of my feelings right now, outside of the happy/excited-ness. I am in an in between mood. I can't decide if I am content. I want so much and yet I fear things. I fear no knowing what the future holds. I think that is part of the cause for my excitement. Josh recently questioned my extreme calendar obsession and I told him that I like to feel as if something is concrete. Which is so true. If I don't know what's going on I feel lost, adrift on a sea where I can see shore but I can't get myself there. I also know that some excitment comes from a lot of my choices being taken away from me dealing with prom. For two of them all I have to do is show up and look good and I'm set. Granted at one I know there will be definite after-partying but that's only some of the fun. I jst don't know much else besides times... I don't even know what I'm doing for my hair...and one day I'm doing it myself!!

This is done. For now I have nothing of worth left to say... I will LIVE PURE!!

Mabe I can show all this to my future husband...what would he say readingover these? They are sooo personal, but then again, shouldn't you be able to share anything with the man who you wed, your heart and soul?

Musings

I'm so excited! I can't say that enough!!!!!! Three proms...I feel so popular!! I'm excited! Graduation is coming up! Florida after that! oh my goodness I'm about to jumo out of my skin here. Its incredible I can't contain it...EEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I want everything to come but I wan to enjy it too...SADD party on Friday. Yes I need to win some stuff here. Pouring out of my pores I 'm so excited. It doesn't end! WEeeeeee!

Shake-y

I'm so shake-y right now. The simplest explaination is that I got into two car accidents today. I'm fine but I don't know what happens next. I mean where do I go from here. I don't know if I trust myself to drive anymore...not that it mmatters because I don't have a car but that's not really the point is it? I think I might have whiplash. How will I get to school, more importantly how will I get home? I need a hug, a nice long one thta I can just fall into and not have anoher care in the world.

Okay so that wasn't it

In re-reading some of my former posts i found that I needed to update like crazy. So here goes.

I did "break-up" with Jeff but I think we are okay again. I mean at least we are talking and that makes it a good thing. Ummm. He is taking Meg to his prom s that is all fun and happy.

On the note of prom I am feeling so special and confused all at the same time. FIrstly I am going to three. Which is absolutly mind-boggling to me because I only expected to begoing to one, my own. So I'm going to ND's with Josh which is going to be a smidge awkward because I know he likes me but, he knows I don't like him so I guess thats cool. I'm also going to CC's with Ryan, two days after ND's (crazy partying occuring, I know). So that is a little weird because it came from nowhere. Well not completely from nowhere because Mrs. Jackie's-Mom and Jackie and Jay all spilled the beans. But despite Jay knowing more he wouldn't give out any details because he wasn't even supposed to say what he had. So I got to do the "I'm so suprised" act when Ryan called on Monday. So there is that. THen there is my prom. For which I have no date. I would like to take Jay but he is a topic unto himself so I will make a new paragraph.

Jay, this is ridiculous. I swear he is getting the better deal out of this friendship. I mean he's got three girls over here that are all a little bit in love with him. Yes all of us. That includes myself. Except in a weird way I know that if anything were to happen between us it would be odd and uncomfortable. So I don't want anything to happen, I more just like the time we spend together which I guess is a sign of a really good friendship. An amusing fact cosidering our pseudo-drunken revelry of Sunday night. Which s what Mrs. Jackie's-Mom said and that is why I'm not threatening. But the problem is Nancy may take Jay to prom and he knows that becase Jackie can't keep her mouth shut. So there is that.

THis will be continued later as my father is pushing the bed-time thing.

Alright, it's tommorrow now where was I? Oh right this messed up prom business. Well I've decided that I'm just going to ask Jay and let Nancy deal Because in some strange friendly way I have to look out for myself.

Speaking of looking out for myself I did a cruddy job of it right before winter break. I found that I nees to exercise some self control when I am in a "romantic" situation. nw that sounds really bad so let me explain. I went to a friend's party, it was basically just anexcuse for everyone to get trashed. I don't drink but I had been bored lately so I decide wat the heck might as well. So I went and all was well and good, I didn't drink, smoke, or in anyother way harm myslef, physically that is. For you see, as 'bedtime' came around well all started looking for a place to sleep. WIth two beds, two large armchairs, and plenty of floor the pickings were slim, considering the at least 15 of us that needed a resting place. So Jen, Jimmy, Romney, and myself all piled into one of the beds, in that order. Well to make this long story short I spent most of my night making out with Romney, I guy I had met for the second time that night. It wasn't emotionally hurtful until that morning. WHen I realize that even hough I hadn't realized it I had violated one of my own principles, know the person you are getting involved with well. So after raher relctantly exchanging numbers (I didn't want to seem like a sort of one-night-stand) I proceeded to go home and ignore all of his calls. Needless to say i is not a moment I was or am very proud of, but I feel that this is jus another way that I can let this all go; a healing process you could say.

Nother part of this healing process involved being honest with my best friends Nancy and Jackie. I told them the night before we went to CA. An absolutely amazing trip. We stayed in this swanky hotel that had concierges and everything. THey should make pocet sized concierges because they are jus so helpful! We went to Disneyland which was fun despite my curse of rain at a theme park. The food, no that is the wrong diction, our dining experiences were incredible. Seafood on Nancy's day, Indian onmine (a first for all of us), and a Bennihana's for Jackie's. Amazing! Let's see, I love the public bus system and I want to have one becausse its cool and a ton cheaper than gas ($3.00 to go anywhere all day). We discovered this on beach day. THe Californians thought were nuts but hey if its cold at home 60 degrees is great! THe las day we shopped, and by did we do awesome we were masters of wheelin' and dealin'. We ook the bus home when this nice giy old us that the bus would be faster than walking, even if we did have to wai for ten minutes. I like ariplanes, sorta. I mean they have this weird white noise thing going on and I hate landing but aside from that its a neat experience...although the food wasn't very good.

And for right now that seems to be all there is. I can't think of anything else to say plus I'm sleepy...I'm always the last one to get computer priveleges. :( So good night.

~*ERY*~

Beautiul girl

I am beautiful and girly and loved. I should feel this way and it is not bragging. Its good self-isesteem. You are beautiful and lovedand special too. And tha is all there s