An update on my stem de-hairing. Veet is pretty nifty stuff! As promised on their website my hair didn't feel prickly the next day. In fact, yesterday was the first day I felt really any hair. And its surprisingly already longish. It got past the poke-y part to go straight to the long soft spot, its aMAZing!
I wonder...can I use it in other places (armits, bikini line)? It doesn't say not to...hmmm.
Other Happenings
Today I start my two weeks of Tina free office work. Its both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I don't have to deal with her mood swings and lack of pregnancy woes. A curse, because I don't have anything to do and can't halep anyone due to the fact that Tina keeps everything of office importance to herself. I get all the gossip and what not that I could hope for, but nothing of office value. No real responsibilities. I'm not sure why, but I think it could be that she doesn't want to let go of the control she has over things. Which is fine...until she isn't here to be the brains of the operation. Ah well, I suppose I might try and tidy her desk a bit. AS a surprise for when she gets back.
I'm flutter-FLYing again. I fell off the band wagon for a little bit. I think the babysteps were just a bit to slow. I mean, I get the point, but sometimes you just gotta jump in there I think. So that's what I did this time. I'm only doing the things I know I can handle, but I'm jumping right in. Skipped the whole post-it note thing this time and went straight for the Control Journal. My post-its just seemed angry at me and made me guilty. The Journal is a better system (I don't know why, it just works that way!) I'm swish and swiping my bathrooms clean and its a great feeling. I get happy everytime I'm in the bathroom!
Ohh! I'm also gearing up for my semi-annual trip to the parent's house on Aug. 1st. Paul is coming with me which is the first time in over a year that he'll be home with me. Everyone is so excited to see/meet him. Its funny, I say I'm coming and everyone goes "Is Paul coming?" I'm clearly loved. Ah well. I've got all kinds of fun stuff in the works. Here is a look at my starter schedule:
7/31: Drive 8 hours to get home at midnight. This would require some schedule changes at work but would result in a whole extra day with the family instead of a day wasted in the car. Granted, we could always leave reeeeeaaaaally early on Friday (Like at 5am and then we'd still make it to my parent's house by...1pm. Hmm if we left at 4am that arrival time could be noon and we'd miss evening traffic on a Friday and have the majority of a day left. Plus I wouldn't be skimping on the job situation. This plan could be a possibility. With 2 drivers it just might work. Plus if one of us is sleeping half the time it wouldn't seem nearly so long of a drive.... I like it.)
8/1: Spend the day seeing people in town and helping mom eliminate stress pre-party.
8/2: Continue to help get everything ready for Devynn's grad party, then whoop it up in her honor with family, old and new friends.
8/3 - 8/6: Assorted fun activities, including...but not limited to --> a double date with Devynn and Charles, a mother-daughter girls night out with Jackie, Nancy, Jen, myself and our mothers, and baby-sightings of the choir girls (aka new mommy Becca and new mommy-to-be Elisabeth).
8/7: Drive back up north for a restful evening at home before work the next day.
I'm really kind of liking that early early start idea. I'll have to discuss it with Paul, but I think it would be awesome. I mean, we'd spend the first few hours on back roads up north so no traffic and probably very few cops. Lets see...at 7pm we be...still pretty far north so no rush hour traffic in the city. Ooo this could be awesome! And if we packed the car before we left, all we'd have to do would be to stumble out to the car at 4am. The driver could grab some caffeine and breakfast while the other person cashed out in the backseat. Switch out 4 hours later and everyone would get plenty of sleep. So excited to tell Paul!!
ALright. WIth that excitement and flurry of planning, I'm gonna sign off. I think I've got some menu planning and shopping lists to make up.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Monday, July 14, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Hair Removal
Oh hair removal, why must you be so burdensome?
In my last post I stated that I was going to try sugaring for the first time. Which I did...with little success. So, since I was on a "different-than-shaving" hair removal kind of mood I tried Veet. A little better. I will share both experiences. I tried both on my lower legs (just under my knees)
Sugaring
(First some history) Sugaring is a practice that originated in the middle east. It is similar to waxing, in that the hair is pulled from the body by the root (rather than cut or dissolved at skin layer). This in turn allows the area to be smooth and hair-free for 3-4 weeks (depending on personal hair growth rates). In contrast to wax, sugaring is traditionally used without strips, rather it is a thicker, putty-like substance that is spread with the hand (heated with body heat) and then pulled off with the hand. It is also a substance that can be made at home, rather than purchased. The recipe I used was 2 C. sugar, 1/4 C. lime juice, and 1/4 C. water. THis are mixed in a pan then heated to the "soft-ball" stage of candy making after reaching this stage it is cooled and then used in the method I described above.
I think...this is where I went wrong. I don't think my sugar mixture ever got to the right stage. It was the right color (amber brown), but when I dropped some into water it just sort of formed a thin sheet of sugar-stuff. But I was impatient and cooled it at that point anyway. Two days later, after it had obviously cooled I realized that it was no where near thick enough to act as its own pulling mechanism. As soon as I spread some on my legs it turned into a liquid-y mess, that was content to stay where I put it.So I went to the bathroom, washed my leg off (the joy of sugaring is that its water soluble...easily washed with water) and thought about what to do. I figured that since it was pretty liquid-y I could just heat it in the microwave for a bit then use it like a wax, with strips. I had an old white sheet that I was using as a drip mat anyway so I cut that up into the strips needed and got to work.
OW! In all of the websites that I browsed, trying to find one about the pain associated, the onlty thingI came across was that it was less painful than waxing. Well waxing must have a good deal of pain involved because this stuff hurt! It was kind of a sharp burst (kind of like if you spill hot coffee on yourself) but then it just went to a small, dull ache for a second then turned red and abused looking. So I guess it wasn't horrible...but bad enough that after the first one I went "Wow...ok... I can't imagine that near my bikini line" Unfortunatly, despite the pain of the yank, only about half the hair came out. THinking this was just because it was my first try AI tried about 10 more. Same thing. 2 of 10 came back with all the hair gone... 20% accuracy, not so good. Plus my leg was read and felt al ittle bumpy. I put aloe lotion on it and tried not to rub them against anything and went to bed. The next day I noticed that the 2 spots where allt he hair came off look really nice, and were quite smooth. My legs werent' red anymore and even though they had hurt the day before, it was all gone by morning. I dumped my homemade sugaring stuff, and I think in a few weeks I'm gonna try a store bought wax and see if that goes better. I've gotta wait for all the hair to grow back first though. I never understood thatabout waxing. You get 3 weeks of blissfully smooth legs, but have to wait through 2 weeks to get hair long enough to wax again.
Veet
Veet is a dipilatory. It dissolves the surface hair and is then washed or "shaved" away. On their website Veet has a video f the procedure and the explanation of why its better than shaving. Apparently it makes the hair rounded instead of sharp like shaving, thus making the "prickles" that grow back seem less prickley. We'll see.
I followed the instructions on the bottle and put the gel cream on my legs (since they are now weirdly patch-y with hair after the sugaring) then waited about 4 minutes. It said three...but after the sugaring thing I decided that my hair is stubborn and needs some persuasion to be separated from me.
I started using the little thing shapped like a razor to remove the cream. It was nice to not have to worry about cutting myself, also I got to do it next to the sink so I was a lot studier (with my foot on the toilet instead of balanced on a tiny ledge in the bathroom. I started to feel a tiny burn start up so I finished quickly and hopped in the shower and rinsed off the residual. My legs felt super smooth. Like, the best shave of my lfe smooth. A little bit of hair is left (near my right ankle) But its not noticeable and I think it can be chalked up to human error. I really liked this. Granted it is a little pricey (about $7 per kit) but if it lasts longer than shaving, I could be converted. I do wonder about using this near my bikini line and underarms. THe box and website don't say not to, but it doesn't say it can be used there either. I guess I'll just have to guinea pig it!
Well that was long. Hope this helps anyone who comes across it (or at the least, helps me remember what happened)
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
In my last post I stated that I was going to try sugaring for the first time. Which I did...with little success. So, since I was on a "different-than-shaving" hair removal kind of mood I tried Veet. A little better. I will share both experiences. I tried both on my lower legs (just under my knees)
Sugaring
(First some history) Sugaring is a practice that originated in the middle east. It is similar to waxing, in that the hair is pulled from the body by the root (rather than cut or dissolved at skin layer). This in turn allows the area to be smooth and hair-free for 3-4 weeks (depending on personal hair growth rates). In contrast to wax, sugaring is traditionally used without strips, rather it is a thicker, putty-like substance that is spread with the hand (heated with body heat) and then pulled off with the hand. It is also a substance that can be made at home, rather than purchased. The recipe I used was 2 C. sugar, 1/4 C. lime juice, and 1/4 C. water. THis are mixed in a pan then heated to the "soft-ball" stage of candy making after reaching this stage it is cooled and then used in the method I described above.
I think...this is where I went wrong. I don't think my sugar mixture ever got to the right stage. It was the right color (amber brown), but when I dropped some into water it just sort of formed a thin sheet of sugar-stuff. But I was impatient and cooled it at that point anyway. Two days later, after it had obviously cooled I realized that it was no where near thick enough to act as its own pulling mechanism. As soon as I spread some on my legs it turned into a liquid-y mess, that was content to stay where I put it.So I went to the bathroom, washed my leg off (the joy of sugaring is that its water soluble...easily washed with water) and thought about what to do. I figured that since it was pretty liquid-y I could just heat it in the microwave for a bit then use it like a wax, with strips. I had an old white sheet that I was using as a drip mat anyway so I cut that up into the strips needed and got to work.
OW! In all of the websites that I browsed, trying to find one about the pain associated, the onlty thingI came across was that it was less painful than waxing. Well waxing must have a good deal of pain involved because this stuff hurt! It was kind of a sharp burst (kind of like if you spill hot coffee on yourself) but then it just went to a small, dull ache for a second then turned red and abused looking. So I guess it wasn't horrible...but bad enough that after the first one I went "Wow...ok... I can't imagine that near my bikini line" Unfortunatly, despite the pain of the yank, only about half the hair came out. THinking this was just because it was my first try AI tried about 10 more. Same thing. 2 of 10 came back with all the hair gone... 20% accuracy, not so good. Plus my leg was read and felt al ittle bumpy. I put aloe lotion on it and tried not to rub them against anything and went to bed. The next day I noticed that the 2 spots where allt he hair came off look really nice, and were quite smooth. My legs werent' red anymore and even though they had hurt the day before, it was all gone by morning. I dumped my homemade sugaring stuff, and I think in a few weeks I'm gonna try a store bought wax and see if that goes better. I've gotta wait for all the hair to grow back first though. I never understood thatabout waxing. You get 3 weeks of blissfully smooth legs, but have to wait through 2 weeks to get hair long enough to wax again.
Veet
Veet is a dipilatory. It dissolves the surface hair and is then washed or "shaved" away. On their website Veet has a video f the procedure and the explanation of why its better than shaving. Apparently it makes the hair rounded instead of sharp like shaving, thus making the "prickles" that grow back seem less prickley. We'll see.
I followed the instructions on the bottle and put the gel cream on my legs (since they are now weirdly patch-y with hair after the sugaring) then waited about 4 minutes. It said three...but after the sugaring thing I decided that my hair is stubborn and needs some persuasion to be separated from me.
I started using the little thing shapped like a razor to remove the cream. It was nice to not have to worry about cutting myself, also I got to do it next to the sink so I was a lot studier (with my foot on the toilet instead of balanced on a tiny ledge in the bathroom. I started to feel a tiny burn start up so I finished quickly and hopped in the shower and rinsed off the residual. My legs felt super smooth. Like, the best shave of my lfe smooth. A little bit of hair is left (near my right ankle) But its not noticeable and I think it can be chalked up to human error. I really liked this. Granted it is a little pricey (about $7 per kit) but if it lasts longer than shaving, I could be converted. I do wonder about using this near my bikini line and underarms. THe box and website don't say not to, but it doesn't say it can be used there either. I guess I'll just have to guinea pig it!
Well that was long. Hope this helps anyone who comes across it (or at the least, helps me remember what happened)
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Sunny Day
Its gorgeous out!! THe sun is shining there is a light breeze and its warm! Lucky for me all I have to do today is work 12 hours (hmm sarcasm much?). On the upside I do get to buy a pair of cute shoes and make yummy dinner. I'm happy.
I planned a week's menu last night. It was hard to get into, but in the end I found that it really helped with grocery shopping. I didn't buy anything I didn't need (although I forgot rice, so I'll have to substitute a different starch). Plus I've already thought of starches and veggies to go with each dinner. Most will have leftovers for work the next day and I even planned meals for when Paul is gone to camp. This way, I can eat the stuff I like, without making him feel like he has to eat a PB&J sandwich for dinner.
So I decided that the easiest way for me to do some of the FLYlady stuff was to do the babysteps as proscribed and then add in a couple more. Like the menu planning. I don't even know when that would start happening, but it sounded fun. Why not do something fun? I mean, if its enjoyable it can't be work, right? Hopefully that logic holds.
Ooo! Yesterday I found a recipe for a watermelon gazpacho, and I am so excited to try it out! It has watermelon, cucumbers peppers and shallots in it. I think it'l;l be really really good. Plus it go awesome reviews online. I might try it next week when Paul comes home. I also want to try the summer gratin recipe out on Paul. It was really good in class so I think he might eat it.
Hmm, not much else going on. I have my first day on the job all by myself today. I'm really excited/nervous. I hope nothing goes wrong. I figure if I just do what I'm supposed to do then I should be just fine! On that note, I'm gonna go back to imaginary shoe shopping (you know, the shopping you do for fancy shoes you can't afford)
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
P.S. My sunburn didn't peel!! Oh! And tomorrow I'm gonna try sugaring. More on that to come later.
I planned a week's menu last night. It was hard to get into, but in the end I found that it really helped with grocery shopping. I didn't buy anything I didn't need (although I forgot rice, so I'll have to substitute a different starch). Plus I've already thought of starches and veggies to go with each dinner. Most will have leftovers for work the next day and I even planned meals for when Paul is gone to camp. This way, I can eat the stuff I like, without making him feel like he has to eat a PB&J sandwich for dinner.
So I decided that the easiest way for me to do some of the FLYlady stuff was to do the babysteps as proscribed and then add in a couple more. Like the menu planning. I don't even know when that would start happening, but it sounded fun. Why not do something fun? I mean, if its enjoyable it can't be work, right? Hopefully that logic holds.
Ooo! Yesterday I found a recipe for a watermelon gazpacho, and I am so excited to try it out! It has watermelon, cucumbers peppers and shallots in it. I think it'l;l be really really good. Plus it go awesome reviews online. I might try it next week when Paul comes home. I also want to try the summer gratin recipe out on Paul. It was really good in class so I think he might eat it.
Hmm, not much else going on. I have my first day on the job all by myself today. I'm really excited/nervous. I hope nothing goes wrong. I figure if I just do what I'm supposed to do then I should be just fine! On that note, I'm gonna go back to imaginary shoe shopping (you know, the shopping you do for fancy shoes you can't afford)
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
P.S. My sunburn didn't peel!! Oh! And tomorrow I'm gonna try sugaring. More on that to come later.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Sunburns
Gah! WHy does it take me months (literally) to post in this thing!?! Quick points to list off and describe.
1. I'm sunburned.
Why is it that I am sunburned? I'll tell you. Because silly me thought "Its really nice out. I'll go to beach for a littl ebit. Since I can only be there 1 hour, sunscreen will be unnecessary" Cut to me all sunburned on my back. Dumb. But the beach was absolutely wonderful! THe sun was shining, there was a warm, gentle breeze blowing, and the water was just lapping at the sand. Perfect. Unfortunately the water is also freeeeezing. Since we had such a long winter (snow until April, frost warnings until late May) the water hasn't had a chance to warm up at all. Normally by the end of June I'm in the lake swimming around. Not this year. So far I've made it about 4 steps out (up to my knees) and then my feet get so cold they start to hurt and I have to run back to shore feeling like an idiot for even trying.
2. My official summer is finally about to begin.
Yup yup. I have a test today in Intro to Film and then I am officially off scott-free. THank God. I love both of my classes this summer, but sometimes you just need a break. Also, I think the schedule of classes is enough to wear a person out. I mean, for a job you just go in for a spcific amount of time then go home. Classes start and stop with weird little intervals between them. Not enough time to get much done, but just enough time that you don't feel like staying on campus.
3. A quick note about FLYing.
I'm...still barely fluttering. My downstairs is neater (read: less cluttered) but I've pooped out on the babysteps. I got caught up in all the other stuff that I have to do, that I stopped doing them. Especially my morning routine. I liked it, I just stopped doing it. I'm not sure why, I just did. *Shrug* I think I'll just keep trying an eventually I'll get it. Maybe a calendar would help. DOn't know. I'm gonna start back up today though. I think I'll do part of my home blessing (its hard for me to do a whole hour at a times, so I've been splitting it up throughout the week.) I did clean up my dresser though. All by myself. It took 5 minutes to get the top looking more presentable, and I think if I do it again today I might even get it cleared off completely. Then I can re decorate it so it brings joy into the room when I look at it...YEA!!
4. I got a job at Super 8 as a front desk clerk!
Its so exciting because this is the first job that actually goes with my future plans towards a career. A bit of background info on "the 8" THe owner/manager/ is Jackie and she is super (pardon the pun) nice. SHe does all the scheduling herself, but gives us the fredom to switch shifts if needed. Matt is the first guy I worked with. He is a huge slacker and does just enough to not get himself fired, and that is it. He's really nice, but I can tell that he just doesn't care. DUstin, is the other guy I worked with. REally nice and motivated enough to care about what happens. He showed me all kinds of cool things on the computer and plus he's a huge food lover! Yea! His girlfriend, Armonda is really sweet too. She has this teeny tiny soft voice but she's absolutely hilarious. Paula is the girl whose place I'm taking (woot woot, for someone else calling her back!) The housekeepers seem nice, buts its definitly something I don't ever want to do. Ummm.... that's it on that front
5. Paul still hasn't seen anyone.
I don't want to nag him, but I still get worried that he doesn't have anyone to talk to. I mean, he could talk to me, but he doesn't want to. I worry that he's back to just hiding it away again because he seems more withdrawn. He's fallen back on old habits like not talking to me about work unless I expressly ask him and he's been really reticent about everything. Grr. Everything was getting so much better. Katie said something to me yesterday about how I might be resenting the time he spends bowling and golfing because I don't think he spends enough quality time with me. I hate to admit it...but I think she's right. I don't feel like he wants to do fun activities with me that are fun for both of us. He'd rather do fun things with his friends and then just watch t.v. with me. I enjoy watching telvision, but if that's the only thing we can do with each other, why bother? I can watch t.v. alone, I don't need a friend to do it with. I need a friend who will go try new things and do old activites with. I hate when I have to bring these things up. I feel like such a bitch. But I love him, and don't want to lose him over silly problems.
I wish I had more to talk about, but life has just kind of been cruising along lately. Nothing special happening or changing. Hopefully I'll get home in August this year. It kind of depends if the overage check comes through. I hate financial aid. Get this, over 8K has been put towards my account...and yet they haven't given me word of my overage. Even though I already paid for last year which is the year the financial aid was for. Stupid school.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Monday, May 26, 2008
Post-its
Babystep #4 - Write these things down on post-its ("these things" = baby steps #1 -3)
This was...easy? I'm not ahuge fan of writing things down to remind myself. I don't know why. I think it might be because if I see the note but don't do it I feel guilty. However, I did write the notes and have been doing the things on them so no guilt yet.
Today's babystep (#5) is to write down the negative things that my head tells me. Then, turn the bad thing into a good thing and re-write that down. I've been pretty positive so far today. I'm not a very negative person in general and I usually talk myself out of the mean things I say. So I'm gona try to do this one for the next couple of days just to get an accurate list of mean things I tell myself. Its funny that this is part of a cleaning/organizing program. I mean, how little must we think of ourselves that in order to clean a house you have to do self-affirmations?
It speaks to our society and all the horrible things it instills. You're not good enough, pretty enough, clean enough, etc. I know in the past I've gotten myself to the point of tears just because I am so depressed about the state of my house. I fin myself depressed and beaten down my my own thoughts so much that I can't get myself to clean, do homework or in any be productive. And in this way my mind would tell me how useess I was being. It's a horrible cycle. I'm glad FLYlady recognized it as a problem. This is just another reason I'm really excited about this. It's not just about cleaning. Its about owning yourself and loving you as you are.
I did my first home blessing today! Essentially it's an hour of cleaning or "blessing". You spend 10 minutes (or less) on a variety of different tasks to keep the house clean. So today I vacuumed, dusted, mopped, emptied the trash, wiped down the doors, polished the mirrors, shook out the rugs (entrances and bathrooms). And it only took me an hour. The key was to stop at 10 minutes and not be a perfectionist about it. Anything missed or in the corners would be cleaned another scheduled time. Easy. And the house looks good! It smells good! I havea shiny sink!
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
This was...easy? I'm not ahuge fan of writing things down to remind myself. I don't know why. I think it might be because if I see the note but don't do it I feel guilty. However, I did write the notes and have been doing the things on them so no guilt yet.
Today's babystep (#5) is to write down the negative things that my head tells me. Then, turn the bad thing into a good thing and re-write that down. I've been pretty positive so far today. I'm not a very negative person in general and I usually talk myself out of the mean things I say. So I'm gona try to do this one for the next couple of days just to get an accurate list of mean things I tell myself. Its funny that this is part of a cleaning/organizing program. I mean, how little must we think of ourselves that in order to clean a house you have to do self-affirmations?
It speaks to our society and all the horrible things it instills. You're not good enough, pretty enough, clean enough, etc. I know in the past I've gotten myself to the point of tears just because I am so depressed about the state of my house. I fin myself depressed and beaten down my my own thoughts so much that I can't get myself to clean, do homework or in any be productive. And in this way my mind would tell me how useess I was being. It's a horrible cycle. I'm glad FLYlady recognized it as a problem. This is just another reason I'm really excited about this. It's not just about cleaning. Its about owning yourself and loving you as you are.
I did my first home blessing today! Essentially it's an hour of cleaning or "blessing". You spend 10 minutes (or less) on a variety of different tasks to keep the house clean. So today I vacuumed, dusted, mopped, emptied the trash, wiped down the doors, polished the mirrors, shook out the rugs (entrances and bathrooms). And it only took me an hour. The key was to stop at 10 minutes and not be a perfectionist about it. Anything missed or in the corners would be cleaned another scheduled time. Easy. And the house looks good! It smells good! I havea shiny sink!
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Babystep #3
Well today's babystep was even easier than the first two. All I had to do was do the first two again. No prob. I almost forgot mysocks, but remembered when i hit the cold kitchen floor. Brrr!
So today was fun. Since I went to bed at 11 last night I was awake nice and early (9am). So I did babystep #3 and got downstairs and had some breakfast. After that I was just antsy since I didn't do much of anything on Friday. So I im'd Mya and Kayleigh for some fun outside.
We decided on a hike, which was great! We went to this river near town and just follwed the path. It was the perfect day for hiking, warm enough for short sleeves, but not too warm that wearing jeans (a must during tick season...ew) was uncomfortable. We saw at least 3 falls and were able to walk down near the bottom and feel the spray...aaaamaaazing! I love water. Its so powerful. Expecially when its moving like that. I mean this stuff was just chuggin' along. I can't wait until the lake water warms up just a tad more so I can go swimming again. That's a ways off though yet since it's been so darn chilly lately. Ugh, I can't wait for summer to get here.
In other news:
1) I went whitewater rafting. See above notes about loving water + getting tossed out of a boat and going down a falls on my but = awesome!
2) I lost my cell phone, and guess who has no insurance...me! This is a sucky thing no matter how I spin it. I'll have to extende my plan, lus pay a bunch for a phone and yada yada yada.
3) I'm taking my first summer classes. Pro Cook II and Intro to Film. Both are awesome, with awesome profs. I've had both professors before and they are awesome. Deb I had for Cook I. Austin was my professor way back when I was a freshman for Mythology. Its hard to believe, but its the summer before my senior year at college..eee! Anyway, I'm uber stoked for both of them.
4) Paul and I are happy. We had a fight on our rafting trip that resulted in me telling him that he needed to look into getting some professional help about his "talking/opening up" issues. It kills me that he would rather push all the bad feelings about whatever he's in the middle of, down into himself. I know its not healthy. I also know that I just cause him to feel them more often than he would like. So far he hasn't even looked into it, but eventually. I don't want to nag...but I'm getting fed up with being shut out. He either talks to me, or he talks to someone else, but he's gotta talk to someone.
Well that's my life in a nutshell right now. Daily updates to come!
Lots of Love,
~*ery*~
So today was fun. Since I went to bed at 11 last night I was awake nice and early (9am). So I did babystep #3 and got downstairs and had some breakfast. After that I was just antsy since I didn't do much of anything on Friday. So I im'd Mya and Kayleigh for some fun outside.
We decided on a hike, which was great! We went to this river near town and just follwed the path. It was the perfect day for hiking, warm enough for short sleeves, but not too warm that wearing jeans (a must during tick season...ew) was uncomfortable. We saw at least 3 falls and were able to walk down near the bottom and feel the spray...aaaamaaazing! I love water. Its so powerful. Expecially when its moving like that. I mean this stuff was just chuggin' along. I can't wait until the lake water warms up just a tad more so I can go swimming again. That's a ways off though yet since it's been so darn chilly lately. Ugh, I can't wait for summer to get here.
In other news:
1) I went whitewater rafting. See above notes about loving water + getting tossed out of a boat and going down a falls on my but = awesome!
2) I lost my cell phone, and guess who has no insurance...me! This is a sucky thing no matter how I spin it. I'll have to extende my plan, lus pay a bunch for a phone and yada yada yada.
3) I'm taking my first summer classes. Pro Cook II and Intro to Film. Both are awesome, with awesome profs. I've had both professors before and they are awesome. Deb I had for Cook I. Austin was my professor way back when I was a freshman for Mythology. Its hard to believe, but its the summer before my senior year at college..eee! Anyway, I'm uber stoked for both of them.
4) Paul and I are happy. We had a fight on our rafting trip that resulted in me telling him that he needed to look into getting some professional help about his "talking/opening up" issues. It kills me that he would rather push all the bad feelings about whatever he's in the middle of, down into himself. I know its not healthy. I also know that I just cause him to feel them more often than he would like. So far he hasn't even looked into it, but eventually. I don't want to nag...but I'm getting fed up with being shut out. He either talks to me, or he talks to someone else, but he's gotta talk to someone.
Well that's my life in a nutshell right now. Daily updates to come!
Lots of Love,
~*ery*~
Friday, May 23, 2008
FLYing
Yesterday I started turning a page in my life. It all started with giving my kitchen sink a good shine.
Lately quite a few things have changed in my life. I'm down to one job for the first time in 2 years. I'm expecting a large overage check to come to me from the school (that will be used for bills). I've found that I have large amounts of time in my day that need to be filled up with doing something besides watching T.V. Which leads me to turning a page.
Since I have tons of time and tons of mess in my house I decided that the thing to do with my time is to really get organized and clean up my act. It's time to stop lying to myself about the house-cleaning. I've got to do it. I'm not upset about that. I've got time and I've got the ability. The only problem was that I didn't know where to start. The daunting thing about organizing a one bedroom, one and ahalf bath apartment is that I have no idea where to start. I mean, the kitchen is filthy. The dining area is cluttered. The living room is cluttered and as efficient as I can make it. The bedroom is disorganized and covered with clothes. And then the internet saved me! Yesterday I found this site.
It's a site about decluttering and cleaning the house. Which sounds kind of silly on its own, but I need the help. FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. Its cheesy. I love it. I feel like crap everytime I see the inside of my apartment. It's messy. I'm better than that. So I joined the site and am taking my first baby steps towards really loving myself and the home that I'm making. Its all about making a routine one day and one step at a time. I intend to make this a part of that experience. I need to have a place to let all my good and bad feelings about the routine. I always forget how easy this is when you've got something to talk about (or even when you don't)
So the page turning started last night around 11:30 with my sink.
Babystep #1 - Go Shine your Sink.
I've never felt so good about a sink my life. I bleached it (now it is draining better than ever!) and then scrubbed with baking powder (who knew!) then windex it and finished it off with a tiny bit of olive oil. It was so clean and shiny. I almost took a picture of it! Now all I have to do is wipe it out after I use it. Easy. And I felt so good this morning when I came downstairs and saw the clean sink that I did. There were dirty dishes everywhere and the garbage smelled, but the sink was clean! Such a little thing really did make me feel good.
Baby Step #2 - "Get Dressed to Lace up Shoes"
This is easier than the sink business. I got up, got in the shower and got dressed. I didn't sit around in jammies for hours. I'm completely ready to go. Socks and everything. I even put a little make-up on and did my hair. All before I did anything. Then I came downstairs and saw that sink. It was GREAT! I've already accomplished so much and its only the 2nd day. I was inspired. I made myself eggs for breakfast (with toast and jelly!).
Then I did some of the dishes. Except I only spent 15 minutes on them. Then I took a break. Then I spent another 15 minutes taking out all the garbages. Nice and de-cluttered.
Well this wasn't the most interesting of posts, but hopefully they'll get a little shorter as I do one each day. I'm so excited to see what Babystep #3 is!
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Lately quite a few things have changed in my life. I'm down to one job for the first time in 2 years. I'm expecting a large overage check to come to me from the school (that will be used for bills). I've found that I have large amounts of time in my day that need to be filled up with doing something besides watching T.V. Which leads me to turning a page.
Since I have tons of time and tons of mess in my house I decided that the thing to do with my time is to really get organized and clean up my act. It's time to stop lying to myself about the house-cleaning. I've got to do it. I'm not upset about that. I've got time and I've got the ability. The only problem was that I didn't know where to start. The daunting thing about organizing a one bedroom, one and ahalf bath apartment is that I have no idea where to start. I mean, the kitchen is filthy. The dining area is cluttered. The living room is cluttered and as efficient as I can make it. The bedroom is disorganized and covered with clothes. And then the internet saved me! Yesterday I found this site.
It's a site about decluttering and cleaning the house. Which sounds kind of silly on its own, but I need the help. FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself. Its cheesy. I love it. I feel like crap everytime I see the inside of my apartment. It's messy. I'm better than that. So I joined the site and am taking my first baby steps towards really loving myself and the home that I'm making. Its all about making a routine one day and one step at a time. I intend to make this a part of that experience. I need to have a place to let all my good and bad feelings about the routine. I always forget how easy this is when you've got something to talk about (or even when you don't)
So the page turning started last night around 11:30 with my sink.
Babystep #1 - Go Shine your Sink.
I've never felt so good about a sink my life. I bleached it (now it is draining better than ever!) and then scrubbed with baking powder (who knew!) then windex it and finished it off with a tiny bit of olive oil. It was so clean and shiny. I almost took a picture of it! Now all I have to do is wipe it out after I use it. Easy. And I felt so good this morning when I came downstairs and saw the clean sink that I did. There were dirty dishes everywhere and the garbage smelled, but the sink was clean! Such a little thing really did make me feel good.
Baby Step #2 - "Get Dressed to Lace up Shoes"
This is easier than the sink business. I got up, got in the shower and got dressed. I didn't sit around in jammies for hours. I'm completely ready to go. Socks and everything. I even put a little make-up on and did my hair. All before I did anything. Then I came downstairs and saw that sink. It was GREAT! I've already accomplished so much and its only the 2nd day. I was inspired. I made myself eggs for breakfast (with toast and jelly!).
Then I did some of the dishes. Except I only spent 15 minutes on them. Then I took a break. Then I spent another 15 minutes taking out all the garbages. Nice and de-cluttered.
Well this wasn't the most interesting of posts, but hopefully they'll get a little shorter as I do one each day. I'm so excited to see what Babystep #3 is!
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Dinner!
So I've decided that it is silly for me to continually make and eat food straight out of a box with only one ingredient added. I mean, I know how to cook, and I'm a decent hand at it too. I want some good home made gravys and stuff, and I can do it! So this week is the experimental week. I found recipes for dinner every night this wek and created my shopping list off of them. I have so far managed to make chicken stew (more on that to follow) and homemade macaroni and cheese. I'm quite proud.
So the chicken stew was originally chicken and dumplings. Unfortunately I messed up the dumplings/they tasted like flour. So I took them out. Well I was trying so hard to get my gallon of chicken broth to reduce/thicken up that the chicken started just falling apart. And that is what is holding everything together in a stew like consistency. Everything tastes really good though. Woot!
I just finished the mac and cheese. This has been my first try with not out of the box stuff and I'm still not impressed. The thing I dislike about baked mac and cheese is that it gets dry in the oven. I think if I add some cream and bit more butter it might come out the way I like it. I think its a personal preference, but I like it to ooze when I cut into it.
Tomorrow I'm making Bacon Cheeseburger Meatloaf. I really hope it will turn out ok. Paul didn't really like the chicken stew too much ("the texture is funny" oy, its just chicken!) and he hasn't tried the mac and cheese yet, but I have a feeling he won't like that either. I'm trying really hard to find things I think he might like, and he finds reasons to not really liiek the things I come up with. Its a tad frustrating. Some of the problem might be that I really like a variety of things and he's pretty particular. He's a momma's boy and likes what she makes. Personally I think she's pretty good too, but I also know there is so much more out there as far as foods go. Why close out all those other amazing food options because its isn't something you've had a thousand times before?
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
So the chicken stew was originally chicken and dumplings. Unfortunately I messed up the dumplings/they tasted like flour. So I took them out. Well I was trying so hard to get my gallon of chicken broth to reduce/thicken up that the chicken started just falling apart. And that is what is holding everything together in a stew like consistency. Everything tastes really good though. Woot!
I just finished the mac and cheese. This has been my first try with not out of the box stuff and I'm still not impressed. The thing I dislike about baked mac and cheese is that it gets dry in the oven. I think if I add some cream and bit more butter it might come out the way I like it. I think its a personal preference, but I like it to ooze when I cut into it.
Tomorrow I'm making Bacon Cheeseburger Meatloaf. I really hope it will turn out ok. Paul didn't really like the chicken stew too much ("the texture is funny" oy, its just chicken!) and he hasn't tried the mac and cheese yet, but I have a feeling he won't like that either. I'm trying really hard to find things I think he might like, and he finds reasons to not really liiek the things I come up with. Its a tad frustrating. Some of the problem might be that I really like a variety of things and he's pretty particular. He's a momma's boy and likes what she makes. Personally I think she's pretty good too, but I also know there is so much more out there as far as foods go. Why close out all those other amazing food options because its isn't something you've had a thousand times before?
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Friday, September 21, 2007
Another Year, Another Story
Wow. I can't believe it...I'm going on three years now with this blog. Granted, I don't write as much as I used to ( I think about it all the time though), but it is still here. And occasionaly, like today, an update does come. I think some important things have happened this year. I think this has been a year of incredible growth and change. Both for myself and for the relationships around me.
For starters, Paul and I. I think our relationship has jumped and evolved and developed so much since we first met. I was reading some of the entries today from when we first met and started dating, then compared them with some of my recent entries and realized that I have been doing our relationship a huge injustice. Most especially in the last few weeks. I really love Paul, and I don't know why I've stopped letting that out in my writing. I suppose its because due to our "new surroundings" we have encountered many a hurdle. We have to deal with each other daily. We have an entire apartment to keep looking neat and tidy. We're trying to build a life around our love, but at the same time, trying to improve and better ourselves personally. Its like trying to make a new wardrobe, but growing really fast while doing it. It is really hard to keep up with both things, but you can't really neglect one part or the other will have nothing to go with.
One thing that I've decided, and I believe it will help, is that the housework needs to have a structure. Right now, we are living like two people who happen to live and sleep together. We use seperate toothpastes and clean only when it starts to bother the other person. We don't have any designated places for things, everything just ends up where it is tossed. So this weekend, we are organizing. Together we will decide the best place for things, and the best way to divide the things we do. This way, it won't weigh on us. It will stop being a huge chore, and instead, become habit.
Enough for today.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
For starters, Paul and I. I think our relationship has jumped and evolved and developed so much since we first met. I was reading some of the entries today from when we first met and started dating, then compared them with some of my recent entries and realized that I have been doing our relationship a huge injustice. Most especially in the last few weeks. I really love Paul, and I don't know why I've stopped letting that out in my writing. I suppose its because due to our "new surroundings" we have encountered many a hurdle. We have to deal with each other daily. We have an entire apartment to keep looking neat and tidy. We're trying to build a life around our love, but at the same time, trying to improve and better ourselves personally. Its like trying to make a new wardrobe, but growing really fast while doing it. It is really hard to keep up with both things, but you can't really neglect one part or the other will have nothing to go with.
One thing that I've decided, and I believe it will help, is that the housework needs to have a structure. Right now, we are living like two people who happen to live and sleep together. We use seperate toothpastes and clean only when it starts to bother the other person. We don't have any designated places for things, everything just ends up where it is tossed. So this weekend, we are organizing. Together we will decide the best place for things, and the best way to divide the things we do. This way, it won't weigh on us. It will stop being a huge chore, and instead, become habit.
Enough for today.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Monday, July 23, 2007
All Grown Up...Dang it
Ok so...I went out of town last week and what do I do? I hit a deer. Paul and I drove 7.5 hours to get 30 miles from my grandma's house and total my car. Yup the same car that I have had for 2 months and just finished making a claim on hail damage (thank God I hadn't gotten that taken care of yet). I mean jeeeez. So now I'm 8 hours from home, in a different state and car-less. To say the least I was put out. Long story short I now own a white, '03 Bonneville. ANd I love it. It was such an upgrade from the old one. That's pretty much it right now. Just had to get that one out there.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
P.S. Everyone was ok (not including the deer) and no, I didn't get to take it home with me.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
P.S. Everyone was ok (not including the deer) and no, I didn't get to take it home with me.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
All Grown Up
I made my first insurance claim today. Woohoo. My car sustained heavy hail damage last Wednesday due to some crazy weather and I've just now decided to actually do something about it. Unfortunately I'm doing it so late that I woin't be able to see my adjuster until Sunday and I probably won't actually get my car fixed up until December. Needless to say, I'm a bit peeved.
I've only had my car for a little over a month! I wanted it to stay pretty, new and shiny for at least 6 months before something happened to it. Oh well, at least I have insurance!
That's pretty much it. not too much else going on outside the awful heat. I hate being hot. So much. I can't sleep, I'm completely restless. I just can't stand being this warm.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
I've only had my car for a little over a month! I wanted it to stay pretty, new and shiny for at least 6 months before something happened to it. Oh well, at least I have insurance!
That's pretty much it. not too much else going on outside the awful heat. I hate being hot. So much. I can't sleep, I'm completely restless. I just can't stand being this warm.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Monday, June 25, 2007
Weekend Update
Haha, funny SNL skit. Anyway :) I didn't get to go to the wedding on Saturday. Sad. One of the other bridesmaids ended up not having a date either so they went together. Which is fine. I just really wanted to go. Oh well. I did get to stay at home and watch Phantom of the Opera and listen on the phone to the race that Paul was at. Which is always a good time.
Now I'm sitting at work while the temperature steadily climbs into the 90's. I do not like this heat! I mean, I enjoy being able to go and play in the water, and to lay in the sun, but really, I don't like being hot. Especially when I'm just sitting around waiting for the sweat. Ick. I can just feel it starting to pop up on my arm and forehead. Its making me crazy.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Now I'm sitting at work while the temperature steadily climbs into the 90's. I do not like this heat! I mean, I enjoy being able to go and play in the water, and to lay in the sun, but really, I don't like being hot. Especially when I'm just sitting around waiting for the sweat. Ick. I can just feel it starting to pop up on my arm and forehead. Its making me crazy.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Friday, June 22, 2007
Completely Unrelated
Items of note that aren't connected in any way to the last post so I thought they might be better on their own.
My firend Jackie is in Russia and I'm so happy for her! She has a blog, and I must say that I've made a big step in my blogging. I used my blogging name to comment on her posts. Now this may not seem like a big step, but as I'm sitting here thinking about it I keep feeling more and more wary. The reason being that none of my friends have my blog address. Most of them don't even know I have one. This blog is pretty much my diary, because no one who knows me reads it. And if anyone else does, I don't really care. But now, my name and blog address are just sitting there waiting to be opened up and read my my firends and family. I'm not sure I'm ok with that. Its like I've had this little sancutary for so long, what if it loses that power for me. Worse comes to worse, I have other ways of having a blog. It would just be sad if the anonymity that this one gives me were to be lost.
On a cheerier note, my friend Katie is standing up in a wedding and her date ditched her ( I know it doesn't sound cheery, yet). But I, being a great friend, volunteered to escort her! I even volunteered to wer a suit and said we could masculate my name a bit...heehee. We were laughing so hard just thinking about it. So she's going to ask the bride today when they go to get their nails done and then I'll find out tonight if I'm going to a wedding on Saturday! I think it would be fun. And I think that I'll wear a suit, but then bring a nice dress to change into. I think we'd have to get pictures, but after that I'd feel a little silly in my suit. So yeah, fingers crossed I could be off having a stupendous time on Saturday night!Which would be much better than the alternative, sittting at home alone.
Paul is on a mini-roadtrip with his buddies which has left me sleeping alone. Its so strange, how much I miss having him there after only 1 1/2 months of only sleeping together. When I went home it was hard too (he gets to stay in the basement :( poor guy) I like sleeping with him :) . I don't really have anything else to say. Those are the highlights.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
P.S. I learned how to play cribbage, and I'm pretty good!
My firend Jackie is in Russia and I'm so happy for her! She has a blog, and I must say that I've made a big step in my blogging. I used my blogging name to comment on her posts. Now this may not seem like a big step, but as I'm sitting here thinking about it I keep feeling more and more wary. The reason being that none of my friends have my blog address. Most of them don't even know I have one. This blog is pretty much my diary, because no one who knows me reads it. And if anyone else does, I don't really care. But now, my name and blog address are just sitting there waiting to be opened up and read my my firends and family. I'm not sure I'm ok with that. Its like I've had this little sancutary for so long, what if it loses that power for me. Worse comes to worse, I have other ways of having a blog. It would just be sad if the anonymity that this one gives me were to be lost.
On a cheerier note, my friend Katie is standing up in a wedding and her date ditched her ( I know it doesn't sound cheery, yet). But I, being a great friend, volunteered to escort her! I even volunteered to wer a suit and said we could masculate my name a bit...heehee. We were laughing so hard just thinking about it. So she's going to ask the bride today when they go to get their nails done and then I'll find out tonight if I'm going to a wedding on Saturday! I think it would be fun. And I think that I'll wear a suit, but then bring a nice dress to change into. I think we'd have to get pictures, but after that I'd feel a little silly in my suit. So yeah, fingers crossed I could be off having a stupendous time on Saturday night!Which would be much better than the alternative, sittting at home alone.
Paul is on a mini-roadtrip with his buddies which has left me sleeping alone. Its so strange, how much I miss having him there after only 1 1/2 months of only sleeping together. When I went home it was hard too (he gets to stay in the basement :( poor guy) I like sleeping with him :) . I don't really have anything else to say. Those are the highlights.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
P.S. I learned how to play cribbage, and I'm pretty good!
Yea!!
All things are good!
I asked Paul the next morning if he wanted to talk and he agreed that we could do it that night. So Wednesday night we hada nice little chat aboutwhat I said, and it turns out that he understood why I was upset he just didn't know why it meant so much to me.
As far as I could tell, he prefers to be left alone when angry and doesn't want an apology right away. I, however, am completely the opposite and want the apology right then. So its just a difference in communication styles. Al in all we agreed that it was something that needed to be brought up, but perhaps in not so volatile a manner.
Another thing we talked about, which I didn't mention in my last entries were that I had been feeling a bit neglected as far as cuddling, kissing, and basic boy-girl "alone" time. I had tried just about everything short of demanding it (which to me feels vulgar) and had convinced myself that I was doing something unattractive to him. So I asked him about it and he had just flat out not realized that what I was doing was a "request" for something more and just thought I wanted a simple hug (when in reality I was asking for a bit more). The entire time I've been feeling unattractive, he's been not initiating anything because he was worried that I had to get up for work and would be tired, or vice versa for himself. So in reality he wanted me, but was thinking logically and with a sympathy for both of us. Well after our little chat we fixed that whole lack and I think we stumbled upon something that we didn't know before: being affectionate, and taking the time out of the day for some loving is important.
Before, I think we just operated under the thought that it was a way of showing love, but that if it wasn't done, the relationship would be ok. I'm not sure why we thought this, since every book on romance and lasting relationships stresses the need for sexual relations. (Note: Paul and I are not having sex, but we do kiss and pet and etc. which count under sexual relations but not sex.)
Ok. So that was...interesting. Anyway, we were both feeling much better by the end of the night and the next morning. Everything more right, and I think we made a big jump in our relationship together. Yea!!
L:ots of Love,
~*Ery*~
I asked Paul the next morning if he wanted to talk and he agreed that we could do it that night. So Wednesday night we hada nice little chat aboutwhat I said, and it turns out that he understood why I was upset he just didn't know why it meant so much to me.
As far as I could tell, he prefers to be left alone when angry and doesn't want an apology right away. I, however, am completely the opposite and want the apology right then. So its just a difference in communication styles. Al in all we agreed that it was something that needed to be brought up, but perhaps in not so volatile a manner.
Another thing we talked about, which I didn't mention in my last entries were that I had been feeling a bit neglected as far as cuddling, kissing, and basic boy-girl "alone" time. I had tried just about everything short of demanding it (which to me feels vulgar) and had convinced myself that I was doing something unattractive to him. So I asked him about it and he had just flat out not realized that what I was doing was a "request" for something more and just thought I wanted a simple hug (when in reality I was asking for a bit more). The entire time I've been feeling unattractive, he's been not initiating anything because he was worried that I had to get up for work and would be tired, or vice versa for himself. So in reality he wanted me, but was thinking logically and with a sympathy for both of us. Well after our little chat we fixed that whole lack and I think we stumbled upon something that we didn't know before: being affectionate, and taking the time out of the day for some loving is important.
Before, I think we just operated under the thought that it was a way of showing love, but that if it wasn't done, the relationship would be ok. I'm not sure why we thought this, since every book on romance and lasting relationships stresses the need for sexual relations. (Note: Paul and I are not having sex, but we do kiss and pet and etc. which count under sexual relations but not sex.)
Ok. So that was...interesting. Anyway, we were both feeling much better by the end of the night and the next morning. Everything more right, and I think we made a big jump in our relationship together. Yea!!
L:ots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
11pm Update
So, one would think, based upon what I wrote earlier, that a response was coming. At the very least, an acknowldgment of what transpired would occur. Well, we've been home together for 1.5 hours now and the only hint I have that he even touched my note is... it is sitting on the nightstand instead of in the middle of the bed. Yup. Not an email, a letter, a word, nothing. I want to say something, but at the same time I don'twant to nag. I want him to know that he has time to get his ideas and thoughts in order...but it would be nice if he could at least acknowledge me and say that he'll get something to me tomorrow or Thursday, or something.
This is exactly what I'm frustrated by. We're watching t.v. and he's playing video games like nothing happened. He's trying to pet me and be cuddle-y but as much as I want that right now, I just can't. There's so much other stuff in the way that is just being avoided. I don't know why he can't just talk to me.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
This is exactly what I'm frustrated by. We're watching t.v. and he's playing video games like nothing happened. He's trying to pet me and be cuddle-y but as much as I want that right now, I just can't. There's so much other stuff in the way that is just being avoided. I don't know why he can't just talk to me.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Living Together...
... is hard. I don't even know what to do anymore. Yesterday Paul and I got into a huge fight about nothing, really. It was about old things that he just doesn't seem to be understanding when I tell him. So here is the scene:
I left for work yesterday at 9:30am. Paul was still asleep, so I gave him a kiss, said goodbye and I love you and left. When I got home at 3:45pm he was already at work and had just missed a call from a friend. So I called Marc (the friend) back to tell him that Paul was working and to see if it was anything urgent. Since it wasn't, we said good-bye and that was that. So I spent the rest of my afternoon/evening watching t.v. and doing some organizing that I've been putting off since I moved in. When Paul got home at 10 I was quite happy, gave him a big hug and kiss and said I would go with him back to the movie store to drop off the rented movie, since I had missed him all day.
While we are walking to the car I ask him about his day and how the rain affected him, etc. Then I remebered that Marc called, right as we got in the car. So I told him, and he asked what Marc wanted I said ," I don't know..."
and paused so I could turn down the radio so I wouldn't have to yell over it. Paul said something to the effect of," You always do that when you get in, you always turn down the radio."
Now I wouldn't be upset by this, but I thought it made sense to turn down the noise so I could talk to him, since I hadn't seen him all day. But I was ticked that he didn't know that. So I turned the radio back up and finished what I was saying, "...but he said it wasn't important and he left you a message. Which I was going to say before you hollered at me."
This was said quite loudly (since the radio was loud and I was mad) and I said the word hollered, I remember distinctly. And Paul said nothing. So I turned the radio up a little more and went back to sitting quietly. He didn't say anything the entire way to the video store. So while he dropped off the movie I turned the radio up more and waited for him to need to say something. He immediately got in and started to say something, paused and turned down the radio.
So I, a bit nastier than was really necessary I'll admit, said, "Oh, is the radio too loud?"
"Nevermind," he said and sat stoically looking out the windsheild and driving.
So I apologized for snapping and said, "Please tell me what you were going to say."
And he said, "it doesn't matter," and stopped talking to me.
So now I'm pissed because the whole thing is reeeling out of control because he didn't respond to me from the get go. So I say (again, a bit nastier than necessary), "Or we could play it this way...with you not talking to me"
To which he finally responds. He speaks a bit louder than normal (not a yell) and goes on about how he didn't know that I was upset and that he thought the whole thing was over.
What I don't see, is how he thought that. I don't know how I could make myself more clear outside of saying, "I'm mad at you for not letting me finish my statement." Which I guess, in reality is not that big of a deal. But I just think that he, as the person who should know me best and kind of understand my tones and changes in attitude, should be able to tell when I'm a little pissed. Which I tried to explain to him, but he didn't respond to that. No, he kept saying that he apologized and what else do I want. I want him to to apologize when things happen. Not after the fact. Not after I have to start a fight with him to let him know something is wrong. I mean, I know he's not a mind reader, but something like me yelling over the radio and saying that he hollered at me should provoke, at the very least, an: "I didn't know you weren't finished, I'm sorry," sort of response. I mean, to just sit there in silence and assume that since he was wrong + I corrected him = no apology doesn't make any sense to me. That's all I really wanted; for him to see that he was wrong and hurt me (a little tiny bit, like making me bump my toe) and then apologize.
Why can't he see that?
So now I'm raging mad, because he can't understand me. So now I'm crying and I can't explain myself. So I left. I got out of the car as soon as we got home and when he asked what was wrong (because I hadn't been trying to explain it to him in the car or anything, gah!) I just said that I needed to take a walk and calm down. I mean, I was bordering on hysterics. So its 11pm and I'm walked and cried my way to the beach where I sat and cried for about 5 minutes then I walked back. I decided that I was going to talk calmly to him and get the whole thing settled. But when I got home, I found him, sitting on the bed playing video games and really not even caring about what had just happened. Not really caring that I'm wandering about by myself for the past 15 minutes in the dark. So I went back downstairs and hid in the closet and cried there. I was in the closet for at least a half hour, before he came down. And it wasn't to find me (at least I don't think it was). He was hungry or thirsty or something, and since I wasn't anywhere to be found he started looking for me. When he found me in the closet (again, clearly upset) he just asked if I was going to hide in the closet all night. He didn't ask why I was in the closet, or if I was ok, just if I was going to stay there.
It so happened that I had decided to write him a note explaining some of what was going on since he clearly didn't want to talk to me about anything. So I told him that, and that I was in the closet (not that he had asked) because I had wanted some privacy, away from people accidentally walking in on me ( which I suppose could have seem directed at him, but I didn't mean it to be). So he left.
I gave him the note a bit later and in it I said that I would appreciate it very much if he could respond to me. By talking (a prefered method) a letter, a song whatever etc. I haven't heard back from him yet. The last I heard he went to bed without coming down to say goodnight, or I love you or anything. Like he didn't really need me or want me at all. When I went to bed I said I love you and kissed him on the cheek. He rolled over and I thought maybe he was awake so I watched him and he woke up just then. He said he loved me too, and rolled over and went back to sleep.
And the funnything is: I didn't even tell him about the apology thing in my note. Of course not. Because in the big picture, its not about apologizing. Its about realizing when I'm upset, or really excited and then acting on that. At the very least asking if I feel that way. I don't think I would be this upset if there weren't other, similar instances where he just didn't seem to make that extra effort to care about what I was feeling. Almost as if my feelings were there, but they in no way affect anything he does or says. I'm not an island. We're supposed to be a team and teams are intuitive about their other members feelings after being together for over a year anda half. Why is this a hard concept? Is it supposed to be this hard? I just don't get it.
Sorry this is long and rambly.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
I left for work yesterday at 9:30am. Paul was still asleep, so I gave him a kiss, said goodbye and I love you and left. When I got home at 3:45pm he was already at work and had just missed a call from a friend. So I called Marc (the friend) back to tell him that Paul was working and to see if it was anything urgent. Since it wasn't, we said good-bye and that was that. So I spent the rest of my afternoon/evening watching t.v. and doing some organizing that I've been putting off since I moved in. When Paul got home at 10 I was quite happy, gave him a big hug and kiss and said I would go with him back to the movie store to drop off the rented movie, since I had missed him all day.
While we are walking to the car I ask him about his day and how the rain affected him, etc. Then I remebered that Marc called, right as we got in the car. So I told him, and he asked what Marc wanted I said ," I don't know..."
and paused so I could turn down the radio so I wouldn't have to yell over it. Paul said something to the effect of," You always do that when you get in, you always turn down the radio."
Now I wouldn't be upset by this, but I thought it made sense to turn down the noise so I could talk to him, since I hadn't seen him all day. But I was ticked that he didn't know that. So I turned the radio back up and finished what I was saying, "...but he said it wasn't important and he left you a message. Which I was going to say before you hollered at me."
This was said quite loudly (since the radio was loud and I was mad) and I said the word hollered, I remember distinctly. And Paul said nothing. So I turned the radio up a little more and went back to sitting quietly. He didn't say anything the entire way to the video store. So while he dropped off the movie I turned the radio up more and waited for him to need to say something. He immediately got in and started to say something, paused and turned down the radio.
So I, a bit nastier than was really necessary I'll admit, said, "Oh, is the radio too loud?"
"Nevermind," he said and sat stoically looking out the windsheild and driving.
So I apologized for snapping and said, "Please tell me what you were going to say."
And he said, "it doesn't matter," and stopped talking to me.
So now I'm pissed because the whole thing is reeeling out of control because he didn't respond to me from the get go. So I say (again, a bit nastier than necessary), "Or we could play it this way...with you not talking to me"
To which he finally responds. He speaks a bit louder than normal (not a yell) and goes on about how he didn't know that I was upset and that he thought the whole thing was over.
What I don't see, is how he thought that. I don't know how I could make myself more clear outside of saying, "I'm mad at you for not letting me finish my statement." Which I guess, in reality is not that big of a deal. But I just think that he, as the person who should know me best and kind of understand my tones and changes in attitude, should be able to tell when I'm a little pissed. Which I tried to explain to him, but he didn't respond to that. No, he kept saying that he apologized and what else do I want. I want him to to apologize when things happen. Not after the fact. Not after I have to start a fight with him to let him know something is wrong. I mean, I know he's not a mind reader, but something like me yelling over the radio and saying that he hollered at me should provoke, at the very least, an: "I didn't know you weren't finished, I'm sorry," sort of response. I mean, to just sit there in silence and assume that since he was wrong + I corrected him = no apology doesn't make any sense to me. That's all I really wanted; for him to see that he was wrong and hurt me (a little tiny bit, like making me bump my toe) and then apologize.
Why can't he see that?
So now I'm raging mad, because he can't understand me. So now I'm crying and I can't explain myself. So I left. I got out of the car as soon as we got home and when he asked what was wrong (because I hadn't been trying to explain it to him in the car or anything, gah!) I just said that I needed to take a walk and calm down. I mean, I was bordering on hysterics. So its 11pm and I'm walked and cried my way to the beach where I sat and cried for about 5 minutes then I walked back. I decided that I was going to talk calmly to him and get the whole thing settled. But when I got home, I found him, sitting on the bed playing video games and really not even caring about what had just happened. Not really caring that I'm wandering about by myself for the past 15 minutes in the dark. So I went back downstairs and hid in the closet and cried there. I was in the closet for at least a half hour, before he came down. And it wasn't to find me (at least I don't think it was). He was hungry or thirsty or something, and since I wasn't anywhere to be found he started looking for me. When he found me in the closet (again, clearly upset) he just asked if I was going to hide in the closet all night. He didn't ask why I was in the closet, or if I was ok, just if I was going to stay there.
It so happened that I had decided to write him a note explaining some of what was going on since he clearly didn't want to talk to me about anything. So I told him that, and that I was in the closet (not that he had asked) because I had wanted some privacy, away from people accidentally walking in on me ( which I suppose could have seem directed at him, but I didn't mean it to be). So he left.
I gave him the note a bit later and in it I said that I would appreciate it very much if he could respond to me. By talking (a prefered method) a letter, a song whatever etc. I haven't heard back from him yet. The last I heard he went to bed without coming down to say goodnight, or I love you or anything. Like he didn't really need me or want me at all. When I went to bed I said I love you and kissed him on the cheek. He rolled over and I thought maybe he was awake so I watched him and he woke up just then. He said he loved me too, and rolled over and went back to sleep.
And the funnything is: I didn't even tell him about the apology thing in my note. Of course not. Because in the big picture, its not about apologizing. Its about realizing when I'm upset, or really excited and then acting on that. At the very least asking if I feel that way. I don't think I would be this upset if there weren't other, similar instances where he just didn't seem to make that extra effort to care about what I was feeling. Almost as if my feelings were there, but they in no way affect anything he does or says. I'm not an island. We're supposed to be a team and teams are intuitive about their other members feelings after being together for over a year anda half. Why is this a hard concept? Is it supposed to be this hard? I just don't get it.
Sorry this is long and rambly.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Summer Lovin'
I love Grease! I've been listening to my Grease CD in the car the last few days. It reminds me of high school. I still remeber when I bought it. Jackie, Nancy, Ann and I all went across the state for the day to visit Jackie's current boyfriend. We had amazing bagels for breakfast, watched Troy (yummy, Brad Pitt butt), and went to this little CD place. WHere I found the Gresse soundtrack for really cheap. It was used, but it's in a amazing condition.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Monday, May 14, 2007
Date Time!
So on Wednesday I went to the circus. It was sooo much fun! I can't remember the last time I went to the circus. There weren't really any clowns though, which made me sad. Oh well. I liked the people who went up on this swing thing then they jumped off into a big piece of...hmmm I'm not sure what to call it. It was like a net but not really. Kind of like a long piece of fabric. Anyway it was nifty.
And on Saturday Paul and I had a mini date night. We were supposed to go to dinner and a movie but he got off work to late to do the movie. So we just went and had dinner at this awesome brewery/restaurant downtown. The food was incredible and Paul was so excited about being in a brewery. He loves the whole "homemade" beer thing. So he bought a 1/2 gallon jug of their blonde ale to take home. The best part is the bottle looks like its full of moonshine and you can get it refilled for like 9 bucks! That's really cheap.
So on Sunday, since we couldn't go see our movie on Saturday night we went on Sunday afternoon. It was a great day. We hung out all day and just enjoyed being with each other. Its been a while since we both had a day off. We slept late and watched movies and food network. MMM food network. It made us hungry so we ate mac and cheese with boiled hot dogs. Heehee.
THat's life right now. I need to go to the laundromat because I 'm all out of underwear as of this morning. And I just finished an amazing book! I read "The Red Tent" for the second time and loved it again.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
And on Saturday Paul and I had a mini date night. We were supposed to go to dinner and a movie but he got off work to late to do the movie. So we just went and had dinner at this awesome brewery/restaurant downtown. The food was incredible and Paul was so excited about being in a brewery. He loves the whole "homemade" beer thing. So he bought a 1/2 gallon jug of their blonde ale to take home. The best part is the bottle looks like its full of moonshine and you can get it refilled for like 9 bucks! That's really cheap.
So on Sunday, since we couldn't go see our movie on Saturday night we went on Sunday afternoon. It was a great day. We hung out all day and just enjoyed being with each other. Its been a while since we both had a day off. We slept late and watched movies and food network. MMM food network. It made us hungry so we ate mac and cheese with boiled hot dogs. Heehee.
THat's life right now. I need to go to the laundromat because I 'm all out of underwear as of this morning. And I just finished an amazing book! I read "The Red Tent" for the second time and loved it again.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Check Please!
Well I'm here at work and I can't for the life of me find the form I'm supposed to be typing on. I must say this is rather frustrating since this is really the only real responsibility I've been given for a whole three days. I've got the computer doing its search thing-y and its not finding anything...well actually its found quite a lot but not the Check Request form I need.
Plus, I'm really hungry. I'm working until 4pm and all I brought was a little bowl of ramen noodles. Its 11am! I can't eat yet! Ooo maybe if I eat now I can go home around noon and have a sandwich during my actual lunch hour. Hmmm.
Yaay Soup!
And I found the form. Turns out it was sitting on the desk the whole time hiding in a paper cliped stack of paper. The day is looking up! If not sunnier. It rained last night (thank God, we need the rain) and its still looking cloudy. Maybe it will rain again .
Lots of love,
~*Ery*~
Plus, I'm really hungry. I'm working until 4pm and all I brought was a little bowl of ramen noodles. Its 11am! I can't eat yet! Ooo maybe if I eat now I can go home around noon and have a sandwich during my actual lunch hour. Hmmm.
Yaay Soup!
And I found the form. Turns out it was sitting on the desk the whole time hiding in a paper cliped stack of paper. The day is looking up! If not sunnier. It rained last night (thank God, we need the rain) and its still looking cloudy. Maybe it will rain again .
Lots of love,
~*Ery*~
Monday, May 07, 2007
Something or Other
I don't know why I'm so gosh darn bad at this. I guess part of it comes from not doing it in so long and not wanting to recap in a long post. Its not completely necessary to recap everything I guess. Main points are usually good enough. I want to post. I think about it sometimes. Then I just don't. I guess I just get bored with whatever it is I was going to write about.
I moved in with Paul, officially, this weekend. Wow. I'm scared. Just getting that out there. He's not, or at least he says he's not. He never asks me about it and that makes me sad. There are a lot of things he doesn't ask about.
That seems to be a main dilemma for me. Paul doesn't question anything. Meanwhile I love questions and knowing what is going on and it drives him crazy. So I end up not questioning anything and feeling unsatisfied and he's right as rain. I really want to bring it up, but he shuts me out as soon as I even think about discussing something with him that he may have a different opinion on. Every discussion isn't a bad one. One of the first things I learned in my argumentation class this semester is that we (people) argue for lots of reasons, only some of them out of anger. The others are used to make decisions or just for the fun of disagreeing on something in an amiable way. Grrr. I don't know how to bring this up.
It worries me that I can ask him as many questions about "personal, male things" but as soon as I try to find out how he's feeling about something, he doesn't want to talk to me about it. I guess to be fair I never really tell him when something is bothering me, I pout quite a bit. Maybe that's part of the problem. If I said, right away, that his actions were upseting me, or that I have something on my mind that I'd like to talk about sometime, maybe he'd be more open to talking to me. Again, to be fair, its not like he doesn't talk to me ever, its just that its more of a when-its-convenient-for-him kind of thing.
Well that was a lovely little rant.
I guess I'm happy. Maybe I'm just on a little mood swing right now.
Which reminds me...I've been tracking my cycle and I'm excited! I like knowing what's going on so much!! I feel like I'm finally getting in touch with myself as a woman, which I know sounds really cheesy, but its the truth. Its cool to be following along and knowing when I'm going to get moody and when I'll be peppy as can be. I guess deep down I feel like I'm connecting with something older than myself. I mean, this is something that has been going on for generations and centuries and millenia and I'm part of it and I'm aware of that now. Instead of dreading and not being sure what exactly is going on I'm able to identify with millions of women throughout the ages.
I moved in with Paul, officially, this weekend. Wow. I'm scared. Just getting that out there. He's not, or at least he says he's not. He never asks me about it and that makes me sad. There are a lot of things he doesn't ask about.
That seems to be a main dilemma for me. Paul doesn't question anything. Meanwhile I love questions and knowing what is going on and it drives him crazy. So I end up not questioning anything and feeling unsatisfied and he's right as rain. I really want to bring it up, but he shuts me out as soon as I even think about discussing something with him that he may have a different opinion on. Every discussion isn't a bad one. One of the first things I learned in my argumentation class this semester is that we (people) argue for lots of reasons, only some of them out of anger. The others are used to make decisions or just for the fun of disagreeing on something in an amiable way. Grrr. I don't know how to bring this up.
It worries me that I can ask him as many questions about "personal, male things" but as soon as I try to find out how he's feeling about something, he doesn't want to talk to me about it. I guess to be fair I never really tell him when something is bothering me, I pout quite a bit. Maybe that's part of the problem. If I said, right away, that his actions were upseting me, or that I have something on my mind that I'd like to talk about sometime, maybe he'd be more open to talking to me. Again, to be fair, its not like he doesn't talk to me ever, its just that its more of a when-its-convenient-for-him kind of thing.
Well that was a lovely little rant.
I guess I'm happy. Maybe I'm just on a little mood swing right now.
Which reminds me...I've been tracking my cycle and I'm excited! I like knowing what's going on so much!! I feel like I'm finally getting in touch with myself as a woman, which I know sounds really cheesy, but its the truth. Its cool to be following along and knowing when I'm going to get moody and when I'll be peppy as can be. I guess deep down I feel like I'm connecting with something older than myself. I mean, this is something that has been going on for generations and centuries and millenia and I'm part of it and I'm aware of that now. Instead of dreading and not being sure what exactly is going on I'm able to identify with millions of women throughout the ages.
Lots of Love,
~*Ery*~
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