Jilted

Ok, jilted is a bit extreme but that is the feeling I have right now. I feel all alone, which is ridiculous but its just that I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for tonight and then it gets all fucked up because of jobs and responsibilities and I should start at the beginning because right now it sounds worse than it is.

So Brendan picked me up promptly at 6:30. We went to the Fondue Room and had dinner which was cool. We had a couple silences which are uncool and they always make me nervous...especially since it usually resulted in him looking at me. In an appreciative way, I'm not bragging, I swear, but still looking at me. I discussed this back when I kissed Jeff orbut it still just creeps me out. It makes me feel like I need to do or say something to stop the looking without speaking. Whats worse is I know I start to blush, and he "likes when I blush" which I bet is part of the reason he does it...just for a reaction. But anyway.

After we ate we were just going to play it by ear (and I was secretly hoping that it would yield some kissing with a possible trip to his house...not that I could just say that, o no, I'm coy and annoying the shit (oy bad language today) out of me because I can make the first mve but why won't I damnit)when his work called. Since he had a feeling they would need him he had warnd me but I was praying against it the whole time. So he called hem back to see what was going on. And they needed him. So he took me home. And I feel jilted, because thats the way it had to be. And all I got was a hug and a quick kiss. And now all that wiating for tonight and getting mentally/physically prepared for whatever happened was for nought. And I'm a little mad and resentful towards his work because they took one of his days off, and he only gets two a week and they are always right next to eachother and now I've got another week to wait. I'm not in a happy mood about this at all...but on the upside the ball is in my court. He told me to give him a call, and I will. I'm making that step (to much going with the flow makes for me being impatient) and i'm going to enjoy it. Thats the final decision.

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Word of the Day:somniferous \som-NIF-uhr-uhs\, adjective: Causing or inducing sleep.

I think someone is telling me to go to bed...that or it sthe leftover feeling of extreme fullness after dinner.

~*Ery*~