Shock and Dismay

Blah. I'm tired and stiff. I hate sleeping in other people's beds using their pillows, I always sleep so poorly. Yeah I spent the night at Jackie F's and now I'm in a tired blah mood. I'm forcing myself to write this because if I didn't I 'd have all kinds of thoughts running through my head and my head would be on the desk sleeping. Not such a good idea.

Blah. So Dar and Jennifer decided (finally) to start fixing up the office, and let me just say that I'm so glad to be leaving it. They changed the chair. Now granted it was a crappy chair that was losing its stuffing but it had armrests and I liked it. Now we've got this no armrests chair that goes up and down (a feature that I would normally love, but today I miss my chair.) I wonder what they did with it, because if its just gonna get thrown out then I wanna take it to school with me...heck I'd take this chair since anything is better than the hard wooden ones they give us. Except the floor, the floor would rate below hard wooden chairs. They also gave everything a designated place...which is nice and all but I have to turn in a complete circle to get to the hole puncha dn then turn allthe way back with it so I can use it on the file tht is laid out in the only blank desk space large enough for a spread file. If it was up to me I would put the stuff we need for the file arranging next to the area designated for file arranging...but thats just me. Arrrgh I also think that its some of my lazy type organization that dislikes all the order and the this-goes-in-this-specific-place-always type thing thats getting to me. Too much organization of objects makes me antsy.

Blah. I bit off two of my longest nails in the space of twenty minutes. Ithen picked all the nail polish off of the bits I bit off and then chewed on them. That sounds really gross, and it is but I need something to do with my mouth, I need to eat, or talk, or sing, or something. The silence in this office is disturbing my peace of mind. ATHe only sounds I hear all day are typing noises and printing noises and sneezing (because we are obviously passing around the same stale germs through this office.) and a little bit of talking, but not much because we need to work. Grump grump grump.

Blah. I still need to call Brendan. I'm scared. Which is stupid. What's even more stupid is that I'm not afraid of the phone or of him or societies feelings about women calling men, oh no, I'm scared that he's going to answer his phone. And I'm not going to have anything to say. It makes me so mad, because I really don't have anything to say to him. But the one thing I want to say I couldn't in a million years say. Because what I want to say shows how I really think of him (as a casual summer thing that will end in two weeks, but makes for some fun evenings) and it makes me out to me more adventurous and willing than I really am. I want to tell him that I was upset that he got called into work on Monday because it meant that we couldn't make out and that all I got was a quick hug and kiss. I don't want him to think that I'm williing (wanting yes, but willing no) to go further than we did last time, but I want him to know that I enjoyed what we did and I don't know how to portray that feeling over the phone without sounding like a whore. And I keep wanting to bash my head against a wall for not kissing him outside his car on Mon. because I was scared. I've never, never, never made the first move and I don't know how. I still don't know what to do with my hands and it just grrrrhggrr. So I keep saying, I'll call him after three today, because thats when he goes into work and then the day goes by and its 11 and he might answer the phone and I tried, I really did try to call yesterday but the circuits were all busy. Which was just great, because I finally get the courage to call and I can't get through...figures.

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Word of Yesterday: sojourn \SOH-juhrn; so-JURN\, intransitive verb: To stay as a temporary resident; to dwell for a time. noun: A temporary stay.

Blogger went on a sojourn yesterday and I couldn't put this word on when I had time. On that note...now that I know what a transitive verb is I should know how to use an intransitive verb. But I don't. I can't sojourn someone that doesn't makes sense. I can send them of a sojourn but thats using it as a noun not a verb. Hmmm shall ahve to figure this one out.

Word of the Day: nugatory \NOO-guh-tor-ee; NYOO-\, adjective: 1. Trifling; insignificant; inconsequential. 2. Having no force; inoperative; ineffectual.

I don't like this word. It has a very negative connotation. ALthough that probably makes it the right word for today since I'm feeling a little negative and blah. ALthoughI did have very pleasant walk home from Jackie's and I found out (or at least decided that it would be the right answer) what the PO in PO Box stands for (Post Office). Good things one might say.